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Suicide is near

N

Nickygs00

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 27, 2016
Messages
3
I have had horrible PTSD from seeing my best friend die and I have been in and out of 4 inpatient psychwards I am addicted to Benzos and I take up to 20mg a day... (10 bars) I drink on them and it just doesn't do the job. I lost my girlfriend, high paying job, I've been in over 50 fights broken my nose had septoplasty all due to xanax. I can't help it. Tonight I am taking <snip> as I go out for a drink at the bar. I am 23 and I wish my life wouldn't end so short. I will be reading the comments for next few hours once parents are asleep I will be taking all medication.
 
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Don't do it, hang in there. If I can you can too.
You're younger than me. We can make it.
 
Please do not do this. Hang in there, and tell your parents and any counselor or therapist how you are feeling. Stay safe.
 
Please don't do this. I was addicted to both Xanax and booze at the same time and know how horrible the blackouts can be, but this is something you can overcome. Consider getting on a much longer acting benzodiazepines like diazepam am doing a taper. I can relate to how bad you are feeling right now but it is possible to stop this cycle and lead a healthy life.
 
This is a particularly hard time of year to feel miserable. Try to resist the urge to blame all your misery on yourself. We have all made bad choices--that does not make us bad people. Relationships end or change even when both partners are healthy and their lives are in balance. You've got to taper the benzos and quit the booze so that you can at least see yourself more clearly and start to heal what is hurting. Most of us grow up without ever being given a clue about how to take care of ourselves emotionally. We live in a culture that rewards stuffing it all down where no one else has to see it. That alone kills many people. Save yourself by refusing to go along with that fatal strategy.
 
So so close. If only Australia didn't have such strict firearm laws... suicide is one thing you do not want to fuck up. What's worse than this? This and and being a vegitable. Life; decisions.
 
Hey guys I went to another psychward and my dad was nice enough to fly me to California for a rehab program. I did two weeks of the month and couldn't stand the group's and I was discharged for not waking up and going. My dad and mom were very upset and they took all my money in my bank account and I had to find a way home I called an Uber prior to getting my money taken so I was at John Wayne airport sitting there just wanting to relapse and die again but I called a close friend and he bought me a plane ticket for 289$. I had to go to LAX from Santa Ana, CA so about an hour Uber (70$) I sent a lengthy email to my dad and mom telling them I'll go to outpatient and see a therapist and NA meetings and after a day of sitting in the airport my dad picked me up and said I better stick by my word or else I'm out on the street again. Luckily I am feeling better from prozac and Wellbutrin and it feels great to be out of the psychward in Chicago and back in my own bed. I hope you guys are all doing well and thank you for your kind messages I will follow up sometime next month. Merry Christmas and happy new year all.
 
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