Hopeless Sometimes It's Just Too Much

[Lovecraft]

I don't want to die. I have a kid. But the thought of having to go on another day in this monstrously ugly world disgusts me.

 

[Mcracken420]

You have to make it man. For your kid if nothing else. But this world isn't so bad. I don't know what you're going through of course, but from personal experience I can say that a different perspective changes everything. Find God. If you're not yet open to that, just think of your kid. This world is beautiful you just have to see it that way.

 

[Fire&Water]

I don't want to die. I have a kid.

So
that means you no longer have that option ...

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

Don’t give up hope. I’m trying to tell myself that too, had a really tough day and … yea just some hard stuff.
Keep hanging in there, in hopes that things can get better, somehow some way.
Sending you support and a hug

 

[SSala]

I don't want to die. I have a kid. But the thought of having to go on another day in this monstrously ugly world disgusts me.

This big world does come x monstrously ugly at times. Agreed. Sometimes, it's not so overwhelmingly horrible & I catch myself in a moment smiling - even to myself. These are the moments I try to live for.

I don't want to die. I have a kid. But the thought of having to go on another day in this monstrously ugly world disgusts me.

 

[Lovecraft]

Don’t give up hope. I’m trying to tell myself that too, had a really tough day and … yea just some hard stuff.
Keep hanging in there, in hopes that things can get better, somehow some way.
Sending you support and a hug

Thanks. You too. But hell is it tough sometimes. I'm surprised I've made it this far.

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

Thanks. You too. But he'll is it tough sometimes. I'm surprised I've made it this far.

Aw thank you.
Gosh I really can empathize
Funny I just logged on & thought about your post & just as I thought of you, I saw you responded at the same time!
Keep hanging on, I’m glad you are & think it’s great that you reached out

 

[Neuroprotection]

I don't want to die. I have a kid. But the thought of having to go on another day in this monstrously ugly world disgusts me.

My sympathy goes out to you as does that of everyone else here I’m sure.
I don’t know what you’re going through, but I fully understand that feeling of hopelessness. my advice to you is to stay strong and carry on, regardless of whether you have a child or not. If you’re suffering from depression, never give up on finding a solution, it might be medication or exercise/diet or anything else out there. if your despair is caused bye difficult relationships with others, I advise you to make carefully considered plans to escape your situation. whether that means moving location, changing job, or just taking time out for yourself, it needs to be done to reduce your stress. Once your stress is reduced, perhaps you can appreciate the beauties of this world. I know this through my own experience. with extreme chronic stress, it’s simply impossible to reasonably enjoy anything or to have hope for the future. i’ll give you a bit of background on my experience in my next post, hope it helps.

 

[Neuroprotection]

I don't want to die. I have a kid. But the thought of having to go on another day in this monstrously ugly world disgusts me.

Okay, so I live in a very large family with eight siblings and as you can imagine, that means a lot of noise and conflict. on top of that, I am an introvert and I’m blind so my baseline stress can often be amplified. however, these things aren’t really the issue and I develop ways of coping with them. Unfortunately, my main chronic stress comes from a Younger brother Who seems to have mild undiagnosed autism and a strong element of anger issues. in our younger years, he became progressively worse and arguments/fights with other siblings and confrontations with parents got much worse. he would also constantly wake me up in the night to talk to him and even if he didn’t, I would often lose sleep, dreading the drama he would cause the next day. mornings would be very peaceful until we heard him jump from his bunkbed and run down and then all the arguments would start. I got to the stage where almost all my thoughts were about when the next fight will start. an emotional blackness descended over me, for most of the time, nothing was worth enjoying as it felt too short lived. I could only ever enjoy my hobbies if my deranged brother was out as there was a guarantee, that there would be no fighting. I began to feel hopeless and eventually, I just saw the whole world as evil, ugly and full of nasty surprises. I was kind of like you, not necessarily wanting suicide, but seeing nothing good in this world at the same time.

As my parents were Arabs and had relatives back home in a middle eastern country, they decided to take my angry brother on an extended holiday. this actually really helped, being no longer trapped in the house with his siblings and being able to interact with others, without facing the extreme bullying he previously faced at school, he calmed down a lot. unfortunately, he is far from perfect and now at the age of 26 he is reverting back to his old argumentative and confrontational ways since being back with his family.
Interestingly, at the beginning of his two-year extended holiday, the first week was amazing for me though I still feared he could come back. interestingly, the chronic stress he caused me seem to have sent me on an emotional rollercoaster, by the second week I was staying awake all night and sleeping during the day and having severe mood swings. I also still struggled to enjoy things and still saw the world as dark, cruel and pointless. it took me over a year to begin enjoying life again and reacting normally to stress. Unfortunately, a year after that, my brother returned and whilst the first few years with him were actually quite laid-back and easy, but perhaps he dosn’t react well to being in a large family and he seems to have reverted to his old angry and argumentative self. Although arguments are not as frequent, they are becoming more so over time. interestingly, whilst I’m better able to deal with them, my feelings of hopelessness and despair are slowly creeping back. now I know I need to take action quickly, I’ve had a word with my parents Who are now considering and weighing up the options including another extended holiday to be followed bye professional medical help for my brother and perhaps even some of the family moving out.