GetMeOutOfThisCRAP
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2017
- Messages
- 1,938
I distinctly remember my best friend a while back seeing me on one of the most dysfunction days I've lived out so far 
Probably a terrible day looking back on it but for a druggie among the better ones. She asked me why addicts are addicts and firmly stated that she does not understand addiction whatsoever (her mother is a raging alcoholic and lost her license in an attempt to commit suicide via smashing her car into a tree). So she was personally very affected by addiction indirectly.. Furthermore, I actually could not explain addiction to her myself. Someone who sometimes is a fun candy eating monster. I do consider this to be a somewhat darker thread but addiction realistically is a dark spot to be in. Sometimes I wonder if the darkest? Regardless, if you are temporarily feeling vulnerable or prone to reliving past (haunting) memories--I really don't want to trigger anyone or force them to relive past pain However, the thread "should I try heroin" is a bit too dark for my taste. This thread is meant to help people understand addiction or maybe how to escape it in some ways Here are some thoughts on it:
-There is no "rock bottom." Unless you consider overdosing a rock bottom... I think that so many junkies would consider overdosing a kindness than to continue on the way that they do. You don't even have to use to feel "normal again." It's actually anything but normal in time... Basically 15 minutes of euphoria than crippling depression (or at least perpetual gloominess and a strange type of anxiety in which I cannot type out).
-Addiction isn't a 'quit and never look back despite the consequences' kind of war. We are not princesses in a Disney Film. We do not overcome out entire life problems in two hours Remove the drugs from the equation and your old demons will return louder than ever. There is always self-reflection and work to be done. For all of us (addict or not).
-We do not determine our drugs of choice. They choose us. I believe in this concept (that I came to my own to discover but others probably have as well). Now--the really interesting part of this point is that we mentally and physically have different capacities to handle certain substances than others. For example.. I could not handle methamphetamine addiction. Physically I am already slim and in shape. I cannot afford to lose any weight whatsoever. I also have a form of OCD without substances. Throw in methamphetamine into my life and I will be crawling around the floor looking for a credit card in my pocket for 8 hours straight. However, many methamphetamine addicts could not handle opiate addiction. They would simply nod out and miss work or friend and family events (we'll talk about this in a later point). May god only hope that your DOC is not one that makes you absolutely dysfunctional. Let's hope the stars align on that one. There is no faster way to ruin your entire life than be compelled to repeatedly redose a substance that you simply cannot be around others on. Even if you escape the addiction in the grand scheme of things people remember even if you black out and don't remember specific events at all It's just too hard to get others' trust back when it comes to substance abuse. If not literally impossible.
-Progress is a word that does not exist in the addict vocabulary but it should! Don't you think so too? For example, many chronic pain patients do need their medication and indeed they are also addicted to opiates (lol who wouldn't be in time). However! For someone with chronic pain to rediscover balance--really assessing whether they need their medication for physical pain or mental pain--and inevitably resisting the mental pain doses is my opinion of progress. Additionally, for someone locked in stone-cold heroin addiction to resist the doses that "well it will get me so high that I quite frankly do not care what happens next" to avoid that scenario consistently is progress. Society insists that we be sober despite addicts belonging to any major industry and literally making the world tick never quite jived with me. Junkies are our lawyers and our doctors.. people with the financial resources to get HOOKED. We only see addicts on the surface while addiction is hell for quite anyone--getting away with it or not. The mental consequences are not worth it. We know this and yet that is not nearly enough to stop all at once.
-For addiction to occur, the psychological thrill must be present (the rush of dopamine and endorphins/effects that improve one's perception of reality). Let us consider the case of a patient who is prescribed benzos for a decade if not longer and demanded to use them on a daily basis. The withdrawal would most certainly be appalling and or lethal, yet in theory he or she can just be weened off the medication with extreme observation and safely adjust to living without the medication. Assuming that the patient demonstrated no history of addiction and never became depend on benzodiazepines (never taking a single milligram more than instructed), they will have an infinitely easier time to cope without it. I'm certain there will be some cravings and intentions to relapse here and there, but nothing comparable to a heroin addict craving the fix of a century. The physical aspect of addiction such as withdrawals and pain levels in the case of chronic pain are objectively at play when it comes to dependency, but the repeated consistency of "I can feel good any time of day I want" is what ruins lives.
-The guilt of what you have done to get high never leaves you. I do think that guilt is a somewhat useless emotion (this is my philosophy and so arbitrary so I won't elaborate on that). However, make it a point now to try and just accept your miserable state when withdrawing from high-dose opiates or heroin. Real personal connection is rare within life and its strange system of operating! It's not worth discarding an immensely close relationship that's been built over the years for some money/items to help relieve your sickness Once you open that portal--how can anyone know that you can close it once more? I'm not a saint either. I will never openly state that I am Yet most people who do steal belongings from close/and or loved ones are repeated offenders. Not something they do once and never again... but I'm sure at the time of the first thief-like behavior that's a personal assumption made. Like addiction--it's never "one last high."
-Sobriety is not "better." It has different pros and cons. I consider addiction to be the most pleasurable form of self-harm. Others on BL seem to think so as well! In some ways we share a unique relationship with our DOC that is personally deep and meaningful. Substance abuse is also like "playing god." We distort the Earth every time we swallow a pill.. snort some questionable powder her and there... shoot up things we deeply regret.... etc. The real Earth is shattered and bent into one we seemingly more appreciate (of course with consequences of all kinds). We are attached to the Earth we prefer with chemical enhancement and suddenly the real one is colorless and unbearable. Some of our sober days are the best but also the worst within our lives. When we have a day that is among the worst of the worst we medicate and usually not just a little I did run off on a tangent here so back to the initial point! Sobriety is both better and worse. Every little choice we make has pros and cons. I love aspects of sobriety and hate other changes that ensue within myself. Every substance improves life in a personal way others cannot comprehend (because we are not them and never will be). The lack of additional context pertaining to someone's past or internal environment makes addiction so incredibly unique addict to addict. One junkie is so immensely different inside and out from the next. This makes addiction so unbearably difficult to treat. The root of the dilemma is often guarded by many walls within someone's mind. They may know why they use and they may subconsciously only realize why. It can take a year to find the "why." A decade. Maybe even eight life-times. So if you're after sobriety because it's "better" you're going to relapse. It's a false truth within society (fake news lol) and I've found that additional reasons are required to improve addictive tendencies. If you have thoughts on why sobriety is for the best please post on this thread! I'd like to know other opinions.
-Look in the mirror. Not a metaphorical mirror. Literally! Would a standard person who likes beers every now and then wake up regularly with random bruises all over the face and no recollection of what happened? Would someone who enjoys opioids literally have scratch marks all over their body and tell themselves it's perfectly normal? At a certain point, realizing that you cannot stop is in my opinion an amazing first step into defeating addiction. Now that one realizes the problem might be a little bit larger than himself/herself--what happens next is at least a potentially positive outcome. To repeatedly believe that you can stop at any time you desire could make a decade pass and you'll still believe the same bullshit.
-Substance abuse addicts are treated...... so horribly. Despite not having the best track record regarding friendships/relationships/familial experiences with drug addicts--would you go up to a morbidly obese person on the train and tell them that there is something seriously wrong with that individual? I wouldn't. Simply because I do not want to be punched in the face. Furthermore, its better to not put others down and focus on your own life morally and objectively so. Sexual addiction is not easy to diagnose. A handsome and in-shape frat boy hooking up with a different female every night of the week is (for some reason) treated with praise. Two decades later and several ex-wives with traumatized children here and there would reveal a different story in the end. Would you rather be locked in a broom closet with a serial killer or a junkie? Considering the junkie is about to become dysfunctionally sick I think we would probably all choose the junkie :giggle: There are so much worse things on the planet than addiction. So much societally worse roles to play--and yet somehow substance abuse is treated like it is at the top of the list of worldly offenders. I find it ludicrous. I understand that in the grand scheme of life many of us are in pain because someone we know and love seems to never stop hurting himsef/herself. However, casting judgement upon that person only makes it significantly harder to seek help/help themselves. It actually breaks my heart.
-Addiction is a real tangible condition. One could objectively explain it with science I suppose! I consider it putting a band-aid on something that should be fixed to begin with.. but then again as time passes it's so unbelievably complicated that there is no ONE logical explanation. The fact that people still--after centuries of watching the most talented and beautiful people inside-and-out repeatedly drop like flies--think that one can "just stop" is beyond me. One day I can only hope that the world's perspective changes for the better and realize that most of us cannot stop.
Please post on the thread if you wish to debate anything I've said. Or if you wish to expand or explain certain aspects of addiction or your own in a different perspective. It is 100% undeniably not my intention to assume a "holier than thou" persona. I have my own issues and I am still learning a great deal about addiction and why we use. Have a great day and whether you are on drugs or not make the most of your life-time. Don't flake out on friends/loved ones. Try to do something different than spending 24/7 in a garage hopped up on the cleanest dope you've ever scored. A lonely addict is the most miserable kind. Yes--life sucks right now and the corona virus is a buzzkiller as well as a literal and metaphorical cockblock. There's always something out there to destroy us for even attempting to move forward on our goals and dreams.
Does anyone know a species out there or to ever exist that hit a wall that felt impossible and simply refused to adapt? "Email the other squirrels and tell them that the eagles are too strong. Let every squirrel in the forest now that we give up! Evolution is a myth.. we must die out TODAY." I cannot think of one Adapt!
Probably a terrible day looking back on it but for a druggie among the better ones. She asked me why addicts are addicts and firmly stated that she does not understand addiction whatsoever (her mother is a raging alcoholic and lost her license in an attempt to commit suicide via smashing her car into a tree). So she was personally very affected by addiction indirectly.. Furthermore, I actually could not explain addiction to her myself. Someone who sometimes is a fun candy eating monster. I do consider this to be a somewhat darker thread but addiction realistically is a dark spot to be in. Sometimes I wonder if the darkest? Regardless, if you are temporarily feeling vulnerable or prone to reliving past (haunting) memories--I really don't want to trigger anyone or force them to relive past pain However, the thread "should I try heroin" is a bit too dark for my taste. This thread is meant to help people understand addiction or maybe how to escape it in some ways Here are some thoughts on it:-There is no "rock bottom." Unless you consider overdosing a rock bottom... I think that so many junkies would consider overdosing a kindness than to continue on the way that they do. You don't even have to use to feel "normal again." It's actually anything but normal in time... Basically 15 minutes of euphoria than crippling depression (or at least perpetual gloominess and a strange type of anxiety in which I cannot type out).
-Addiction isn't a 'quit and never look back despite the consequences' kind of war. We are not princesses in a Disney Film. We do not overcome out entire life problems in two hours
Remove the drugs from the equation and your old demons will return louder than ever. There is always self-reflection and work to be done. For all of us (addict or not).-We do not determine our drugs of choice. They choose us. I believe in this concept (that I came to my own to discover but others probably have as well). Now--the really interesting part of this point is that we mentally and physically have different capacities to handle certain substances than others. For example.. I could not handle methamphetamine addiction. Physically I am already slim and in shape. I cannot afford to lose any weight whatsoever. I also have a form of OCD without substances. Throw in methamphetamine into my life and I will be crawling around the floor looking for a credit card in my pocket for 8 hours straight. However, many methamphetamine addicts could not handle opiate addiction. They would simply nod out and miss work or friend and family events (we'll talk about this in a later point). May god only hope that your DOC is not one that makes you absolutely dysfunctional. Let's hope the stars align on that one. There is no faster way to ruin your entire life than be compelled to repeatedly redose a substance that you simply cannot be around others on. Even if you escape the addiction in the grand scheme of things people remember even if you black out and don't remember specific events at all
It's just too hard to get others' trust back when it comes to substance abuse. If not literally impossible.-Progress is a word that does not exist in the addict vocabulary but it should! Don't you think so too? For example, many chronic pain patients do need their medication and indeed they are also addicted to opiates (lol who wouldn't be in time). However! For someone with chronic pain to rediscover balance--really assessing whether they need their medication for physical pain or mental pain--and inevitably resisting the mental pain doses is my opinion of progress. Additionally, for someone locked in stone-cold heroin addiction to resist the doses that "well it will get me so high that I quite frankly do not care what happens next" to avoid that scenario consistently is progress. Society insists that we be sober despite addicts belonging to any major industry and literally making the world tick never quite jived with me. Junkies are our lawyers and our doctors.. people with the financial resources to get HOOKED. We only see addicts on the surface while addiction is hell for quite anyone--getting away with it or not. The mental consequences are not worth it. We know this and yet that is not nearly enough to stop all at once.
-For addiction to occur, the psychological thrill must be present (the rush of dopamine and endorphins/effects that improve one's perception of reality). Let us consider the case of a patient who is prescribed benzos for a decade if not longer and demanded to use them on a daily basis. The withdrawal would most certainly be appalling and or lethal, yet in theory he or she can just be weened off the medication with extreme observation and safely adjust to living without the medication. Assuming that the patient demonstrated no history of addiction and never became depend on benzodiazepines (never taking a single milligram more than instructed), they will have an infinitely easier time to cope without it. I'm certain there will be some cravings and intentions to relapse here and there, but nothing comparable to a heroin addict craving the fix of a century. The physical aspect of addiction such as withdrawals and pain levels in the case of chronic pain are objectively at play when it comes to dependency, but the repeated consistency of "I can feel good any time of day I want" is what ruins lives.
-The guilt of what you have done to get high never leaves you. I do think that guilt is a somewhat useless emotion (this is my philosophy and so arbitrary so I won't elaborate on that). However, make it a point now to try and just accept your miserable state when withdrawing from high-dose opiates or heroin. Real personal connection is rare within life and its strange system of operating! It's not worth discarding an immensely close relationship that's been built over the years for some money/items to help relieve your sickness
Once you open that portal--how can anyone know that you can close it once more? I'm not a saint either. I will never openly state that I am Yet most people who do steal belongings from close/and or loved ones are repeated offenders. Not something they do once and never again... but I'm sure at the time of the first thief-like behavior that's a personal assumption made. Like addiction--it's never "one last high."-Sobriety is not "better." It has different pros and cons. I consider addiction to be the most pleasurable form of self-harm. Others on BL seem to think so as well! In some ways we share a unique relationship with our DOC that is personally deep and meaningful. Substance abuse is also like "playing god." We distort the Earth every time we swallow a pill.. snort some questionable powder her and there... shoot up things we deeply regret.... etc. The real Earth is shattered and bent into one we seemingly more appreciate (of course with consequences of all kinds). We are attached to the Earth we prefer with chemical enhancement and suddenly the real one is colorless and unbearable. Some of our sober days are the best but also the worst within our lives. When we have a day that is among the worst of the worst we medicate and usually not just a little
I did run off on a tangent here so back to the initial point! Sobriety is both better and worse. Every little choice we make has pros and cons. I love aspects of sobriety and hate other changes that ensue within myself. Every substance improves life in a personal way others cannot comprehend (because we are not them and never will be). The lack of additional context pertaining to someone's past or internal environment makes addiction so incredibly unique addict to addict. One junkie is so immensely different inside and out from the next. This makes addiction so unbearably difficult to treat. The root of the dilemma is often guarded by many walls within someone's mind. They may know why they use and they may subconsciously only realize why. It can take a year to find the "why." A decade. Maybe even eight life-times. So if you're after sobriety because it's "better" you're going to relapse. It's a false truth within society (fake news lol) and I've found that additional reasons are required to improve addictive tendencies. If you have thoughts on why sobriety is for the best please post on this thread! I'd like to know other opinions.-Look in the mirror. Not a metaphorical mirror. Literally! Would a standard person who likes beers every now and then wake up regularly with random bruises all over the face and no recollection of what happened? Would someone who enjoys opioids literally have scratch marks all over their body and tell themselves it's perfectly normal? At a certain point, realizing that you cannot stop is in my opinion an amazing first step into defeating addiction. Now that one realizes the problem might be a little bit larger than himself/herself--what happens next is at least a potentially positive outcome. To repeatedly believe that you can stop at any time you desire could make a decade pass and you'll still believe the same bullshit.
-Substance abuse addicts are treated...... so horribly. Despite not having the best track record regarding friendships/relationships/familial experiences with drug addicts--would you go up to a morbidly obese person on the train and tell them that there is something seriously wrong with that individual? I wouldn't. Simply because I do not want to be punched in the face. Furthermore, its better to not put others down and focus on your own life morally and objectively so. Sexual addiction is not easy to diagnose. A handsome and in-shape frat boy hooking up with a different female every night of the week is (for some reason) treated with praise. Two decades later and several ex-wives with traumatized children here and there would reveal a different story in the end. Would you rather be locked in a broom closet with a serial killer or a junkie? Considering the junkie is about to become dysfunctionally sick I think we would probably all choose the junkie :giggle: There are so much worse things on the planet than addiction. So much societally worse roles to play--and yet somehow substance abuse is treated like it is at the top of the list of worldly offenders. I find it ludicrous. I understand that in the grand scheme of life many of us are in pain because someone we know and love seems to never stop hurting himsef/herself. However, casting judgement upon that person only makes it significantly harder to seek help/help themselves. It actually breaks my heart.
-Addiction is a real tangible condition. One could objectively explain it with science I suppose! I consider it putting a band-aid on something that should be fixed to begin with.. but then again as time passes it's so unbelievably complicated that there is no ONE logical explanation. The fact that people still--after centuries of watching the most talented and beautiful people inside-and-out repeatedly drop like flies--think that one can "just stop" is beyond me. One day I can only hope that the world's perspective changes for the better and realize that most of us cannot stop.
Please post on the thread if you wish to debate anything I've said. Or if you wish to expand or explain certain aspects of addiction or your own in a different perspective. It is 100% undeniably not my intention to assume a "holier than thou" persona. I have my own issues and I am still learning a great deal about addiction and why we use. Have a great day and whether you are on drugs or not make the most of your life-time. Don't flake out on friends/loved ones. Try to do something different than spending 24/7 in a garage hopped up on the cleanest dope you've ever scored. A lonely addict is the most miserable kind. Yes--life sucks right now and the corona virus is a buzzkiller as well as a literal and metaphorical cockblock. There's always something out there to destroy us for even attempting to move forward on our goals and dreams.
Does anyone know a species out there or to ever exist that hit a wall that felt impossible and simply refused to adapt? "Email the other squirrels and tell them that the eagles are too strong. Let every squirrel in the forest now that we give up! Evolution is a myth.. we must die out TODAY." I cannot think of one
Adapt!
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