ForEverAfter
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2012
- Messages
- 2,836
Tuesday, 19th June 2012
4:45 am
I wake up, and start cleaning up the house. The landlord is going to arrive at roughly 11:30, but I'm not stressed. I haven't felt even the slightest bit of stress since I started taking Amanita Muscaria. Or depression. It has cured me of all my ailments. I am no longer an alcoholic. Last night I drank five beers from a six pack and left the last one for the morning. I feel like a different person. I am a different person. Muscaria has changed me from broken to functional. I feel the best I have ever felt in my entire life. I clean up the entire house, including unpacking and organizing my possessions. Usually this would be a highly stressful ordeal. I hate cleaning up. Or, I used to. Today I don't mind at all. In fact, I enjoy it. I enjoy everything now. I don't take anything for granted. Every minute of my life, every second, is bliss. For the first time, ever, my house feels like a home. Everything has it's own place; I know where everything is.
8:45 am
I load the cats into carry cases and hide them at the back of my property.
9:00 am
There is a knock at the door. I think, maybe, it's my landlord coming early. But I don't care. In the past I would've made a big fuss about it. Got upset. Told them off for coming early. Now, post-Soma, it doesn't matter.
It isn't the landlord. It's a delivery guy.
I unwrap the package and take out ten individual boxes of cream bulbs. 800 grams of compressed nitrous oxide. Hooray. It's been months since I've had a nang.
11:10 am
The landlord should be here any minute. I can't wait. Time to trip in my clean organized house. With my new sunny disposition. And my crate of nitrous. It's going to be glorious. All of my university work is finally done. My conscience clear, my soul pure, I take 5 gel caps - containing approximately 2.6 grams of dried Psilocybe Cyans - on an empty stomach. By the time the periodic inspection is done, I will be coming up hard.
11:24 am
I can already feel it. The gel caps are dissolving instantly. Want to smoke a joint, but I have to wait until the inspection is over.
11:48 am
Well, that inspection went fucking amazingly. Didn't even follow her around as she wandered through my drug filled house. Time to go get the cats, have a joint, then get nanging.
11:58 am
Starting to trip. I youtube an episode of Taxi.
12:07 pm
Body load higher than I remember it. Feeling sick. Could vomit if I wanted to. It's tempting. I'm not sure what the point of psilocybin is any more. Muscimol is so much better in every imagineable way. All other drugs are meaningless, by comparison.
12:47 pm
I am freezing cold from the shrooms. Shivering all over. So I go out in the sun. I am shivering in direct sunlight. Then my body adjusts and I am okay. I sit there, smoking a joint, thinking about Muscaria. It is all I can think about. I am becoming obsessed with it. I believe the meaning of life is hidden in this mushroom. There is a huge amount of information in it. I have pieces of the puzzle. Just pieces. I sit there, smoking, examining my pieces.
I have literally become another person. That is something I suspect. It would sound insane if I wrote it down, and be discarded as such. I'm going to write it down anyway.
The universe is a code, for lack of a better word. It unravels. I am part of that code. As significant and as insignificant as everything else. When you consume Muscaria, your life ends. It has to, in order to accomodate you travelling to the end of the universe. Your life is recorded as a position. It is on pause. You go to infinity. Then infinity becomes nothing and vice-versa. An infinite oneness, which becomes the universe. The big bang happens, again. You are born, again, with no memory of any of this, and then you get back in time to the point when you first had Muscaria. You are literally a different person. The entire universe has been cloned, and is identical to the one you remember. Your life is identical.
In this case, Muscaria had such a dramatic impact on me spiritually that it has changed my life. I am a different person, both figuratively and literally.
I realize that sounds insane.
12:58 pm
For thousands of years, men have been contemplating Soma without ever taking it. I believe it is the basis not only for what we call religion, but all society. I strongly believe a handful of psychedelic drugs started human consciousness. Of which, Soma is the most influential. The most Ancient. That I'm aware of, anyway.
It's not a co-incidence that muscimol is incredibly difficult to create. Efforts to synthesize the substance have failed. It will never be a popular drug. Because it is not for everyone. It is for people who, at some point in their lives, accept a spiritual journey. It is for people willing to ingest a massive amount of fungus. For people who are genuinely more interested in the truth than recreation. It is reserved for shamans. I am a shaman. That is why I recently drank my own urine, to recycle Amanita Muscaria. Somebody asked me if I was "fiending" for drugs when I did that. Like I drank my own piss in a state of desperation. No. I did it, because I am a shaman. That is what shamans do. The point of the exercise, is to let go. It is a test. Everything is a test. To be able to drink your own piss, without gagging or anything like that, is a test of the mind's ability to control itself. Drinking urine is not disgusting if you don't think it is disgusting when you're doing it.
If you gave most people a cup of pee from a shaman and told them that drinking it would be the most incredible experience of their lives, most of them would not drink it. Amanita is not for everyone. Even if it was possible to economically synthesize in sufficient quantities, it would not be popular. Because the effect is so strong that it is non-recreational. You cannot describe it as recreational. It is more than most people want. It is everything. I am in awe of everything. Being a different person, I'm able to experience things again for the first time in a completely different way. It's a weird feeling. I still have a lot of questions.
I'm not sure if I exist, or if the universe exists. I know there is a consciousness.
I'm understandably confused at this point. My muscaria journey is going to be a long one.
1:24 pm
The bulbs I ordered are too large for my soda syphon. I have to alter the syphon to fit the new size bulbs. Need some better tools. A metal file would be good. It is only about a milimeter too large to fit, but the casement is solid steel. Might even be a fraction of a milimeter.
I use a wood file. It works, but it will take too long to complete. I need to buy a small high grade metal file from the hardware store. No nangs today. Oh well.
1:59 pm
Need to smoke a joint. I am so cold. Not sure if I want to consume psilocybin any more. It's weird. Weed remained the same, when I changed from one person to another, but pslocybin is very different. I don't need it anymore. I keep having this sense of dejavu. Like this has happened before. Psilocybin has become meaningless before. It's not meaningless. Meaningless is the wrong word. If it wasn't for psilocybin I would never have encountered muscimol. All of those little psilocybin trips happened to lead me towards Muscaria. I used to eat massive amounts of psilocybin mushrooms. Now, post-Soma, there is something missing from the experience. It is no longer part of my journey, in the sense that it's not leading me towards muscaria. It is just an indulgence. It's hard to explain.
2:06 pm
Someone knocks at the door. I'm not expecting anyone, so I ignore it. They knock again, louder. I ignore them. I really don't want to interact with anyone while I'm on mushrooms. If I open the door and my mum is there or the police or something, then I'm fucked. It's best to just not answer. It used to piss me off that people turn up without calling. Now I recognize it as something that will continue to happen regardless of how I feel about it so I don't feel anything. It doesn't piss me off when people turn up at my door, and I don't answer it. I don't feel bad for them, or for myself. I don't feel anything. Just hide. It's not worth the risk. If it's my landlord or the police or something, I'm fucked. So I don't find out who it is.
2:17 pm
I eat mushrooms like everyone else, now. Not as part of a divine quest. Just an indulgence. I watch the plush carpet melt into itself. The less I believe in reality, the more I hallucinate. I have learnt a lot about breathing. It is possible to do incredible things by varying the rate and volume of breaths. I have a theory about Soma. The reason you have near death experiences is because you slow your breathing down so much that you approach death.
2:24 pm
I think I might go sober for a while. Life is more incredible than drugs. Soma taught me this. If you are enlightened and blissful, sobriety is bliss. I guess maybe that's it; I'm so happy now, post-Soma, that I no longer need drugs - for euphoria, or anything else. Except Soma.
I gained more from my four Soma experiences than I did in a decade of using all sorts of drugs. Psychedelics. Dissociatives. Opiates. I could do them all for a century, and it wouldn't come close to one trip on Soma. I am not exageratting. Soma is so incredibly powerful that all other drugs lose meaning. As x approaches infinity, y approaches zero. Soma is infinity.
This trip is nothing in comparison to Soma. Nothing. So, I might as well not do it. Psilocybin is like a thousandth of a per cent of muscaria. I don't see the point in taking minor psychedelics like LSD and psilocybin. Post-Soma the trip aspect of it approaches nothing. Hallucinations are nice. Like, I said it's an indulgence. And one of the many tools I use to aide my writing. But it no longer holds spiritual significance.
That's how Soma cures addiction. It is everything. Everything else, by contrast, is nothing. So things just are. Alcohol is what it is. Psilocybin is what it is. Soma is everything.
I am more conscious of the body load than I ever have been before. Psilocybin is a fairly dirty drug. If purity is a question of effect versus side-effect, then everything is dirty. Soma is the only clean drug, because the effect is infinitely large. If you insert infinity into the formula for purity, the side-effect variable becomes meaningless. You can cut it.
Mathematics is much purer than language.
I stare into a painting on the wall that my father did when he was my age. A building consumed with flames. I lose myself in the painting, hallucinating. The flames are alive.
Mathematical language is more compatible with the universe. The universe can be translated into the English language, but the English language is messy. You lose a bit in translation. With maths, you lose less. When I explain my experiences with Soma, I am translating from the divine to maths to English. The universe is mathematical. That is, at least, the best reference point I have available for the purposes of illustration.
I suspect that I am infinitely old, immortal. That I am at the beginning and the end of the universe. That I am everything. This is what my mind has been running circles around. I am everything. At the beginning of time, I was everything and also therefore one. Everything at the end of the universe. A complete infinite mass. And in my completeness, I became nothing. It is very difficult to translate. The beginning of the universe. I'm not sure that I should be translating. I think maybe it's difficult because it's not meant to happen. I shouldn't be encouraging people to consume Amanita Muscaria. I don't want to increase the popularity of this drug. If you are destined to consume it, you will.
Translating it into English is so difficult that I am likely get it wrong. Language will always be wrong. It might be possible to translate it into human mathematics and not compromise anything. But I can't explain it mathematically.
I think it's quite possible for someone to repeatedly consume Soma and not have a divine experience. I've read a lot of reports about people being sick and having terrible visions of hell. Other reports about people who feel nothing. It's all very vague. I think some people are meant to have visions and some people aren't.
After my last couple of experiences with Soma, it baffled me why the drug was so unpopular. People kick it over in the park. It's a poison. But it's the most euphoric incredible drug on the planet. How does that make sense?
The only explanation is that most people don't see what I see. My cat sits on top of my cat who is sitting on top of me. She is siting on my lap, so he sits on her.
If everybody had this experience from Soma, it would be the most popular drug on the planet. Instead of kicking these mushrooms over in the park, they would be the most valuable thing on the face of the planet. There is not enough Amanita Muscaria for the population. I am very good at mushroom hunting. I'm somewhat of an expert. Psilocybin mushrooms are extremely plentiful, and extremely popular. Amanita Muscaria are scarce, considering the weight you need to consume to produce a trip. One particular park produces I'd say around fifty Amanita caps every season. Most of the time they are run over by the lawn mower or kicked by kids. This year I will eat them all. The entire park, one season, will be less than ten trips. Psilocybin mushrooms are so plentiful that I don't have time to pick them. I can stock up for an entire year in one day. Sometimes when I hunt for Amanitas I don't even get enough for a whole trip. I might collect three good specimens.
So, I'm glad that they are reserved for me. They are my mushrooms. Nobody else in this city eats them. They grow for me. The patch in the park exists for me. They are by far my favorite drug. No contest. I love this drug, in the deepest way that anybody can love anything. And I am grateful that the rest of the world is incompatible. I don't want to encourage people to get sick or have traumatic experiences. I don't want to encourage people to consume Amanitas, because things are how they are for a reason. Soma is destined to be extremely unpopular. I can't change that.
The most fascinating of the commandments from the Holy Bible, is the second commandment. I've crapped on a fair bit about it before. Basically it's a sin to translate the divine into English. The Bible is a sin. The second commandment is a breach of the second commandment. While I don't really believe in sin, I have a lot of respect for the second commandment. The second commandment is anti-religion.
Since human language is incompatible with the universal code, when someone has a divine experience as soon as they communicate about it, it becomes a lie. To whatever degree. You might be able to explain the divine beautifully with words, but they are still imperfect. And that degree will build up over time and end up outweighing the divine. Religion collapsing on itself. In the same sense, I should not either write about Soma or try to explain it to myself. By translating it into language, I am creating a religion. And all religions are wrong. It doesn't need to be translated. I don't need to try and make sense of it in English, when I understand it perfectly in it's original state. I am trying to prove something to the world, by explaining it. Trying to show God to the world in a little cage and say, "Here it is! I found it."
I am going to do a Soma trip today. I really feel like doing one now. I think psilocybin is a good launchpad for Soma. It lead me to Soma in life and it will lead me there today. I am going insane, I think. My spiritual beliefs are so extraordinarily weird that I seem insane. I need to know if I am insane or if the divine is divine. But I know that questioning the divine is wrong. I translate it into English to try and make sense of it to prove to myself what I already know.
3:57 pm
I puff on my joint. It's a pain in the ass, smoking green. Forces me to use the vaporizer, eventually. I'm in that stubborn transitionary phase at the moment, where I try to hold onto the habit of smoking joints, without the tobacco. Never works. I'll be vaporizing soon. Might as well just leap forward in time when joints have been phased out. Unfortunately, that's not the way it works. I need to smoke green joints that always go out. It's hanging from my mouth now. Been there for about an hour. I keep lighting it. It keeps going out.
I'm obsessed with Soma. I think about it from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. I have had direct contact with the divine and it has changed my life. If I'm meant to translate it, if the second commandment is only a warning, and I am some sort of prophet, I need to spend years devoted to this incredible drug before I reveal my conclusions. It's going to take some time, to be able to explain it so that it makes sense. If that's possible. If I can prove that God exists and that God doesn't exist simultaneously. That is my mission. I want to make sense of infinity. I think some of the early prophets might have had single experiences. That is, had a vision. The details of every vision are different but the meaning is the same. A single vision might appear to be literal. The allegorical nature of visions becomes apparent when they are repeated. You need to cross-reference visions with other visions and find commonoalities, while trying to interpret the symbology within the vision itself. The more visions, the better. If I had ten thousand experiences with Soma like the four I have had, I would be able to explain the meaning of life. I'm certain of it. I have until the end of my life to try and translate the divine, at which point I will become divine.
4:41 pm
I don't have any gel caps for the Amanita Muscaria. The taste is quite overpowering when consuming sufficient quantities to transcend. But I've done it before. Years ago. I remember it being difficult. But, I'm stronger willed now. If I can drink urine it should be no issue. I have less than half an ounce, so I may need to drink my urine again in order to transcend tonight.
4:57 pm
The mushrooms are finely powdered. I put five grams in an empty coffee jar and add less than a cup of boiling water. The powder settles down the bottom of the brown liquid. I take a sip. It tastes incredibly strong. I like the taste. It is instantly intoxicating, somehow. I sip it. It tastes a little bit like strong chicken stock. The first time I drank it, years ago, I didn't know what I was consuming. Now I do. There is no need to suppress the urge to vomit. There is no need for my body to be frightened of this. I know what it is. It is not disgusting. It does not make me sick. It is heaven.
5:06 pm
It has cooled down enough to drink. I down it in two gulps.
There is some sludge remaining at the bottom of the jar.
5:11 pm
I add the remaining 6.8 grams of Soma into the coffee jar with a cup and a half of boiling water. Agitate contents for about a minute. Tiny particles of powdered Soma are floating around in the water. Can definitely feel the effects already. I sip my mushroom soup. It tastes absolutely incredible. I keep it to my lips between sips, breathing in the steam from the soup. It smells ancient. That is the best word in the English language to describe it. All psychedelic drugs have a certain reaction in terms of taste. Sugar is sweet. Psilocybin is earthen. Soma is ancient. It tastes exactly as it should.
I never used to do gel caps. I should stop consuming mushrooms that way, really. The taste isn't something I should have to avoid. If I'm not willing to eat mushrooms because of how they taste then I shouldn't eat them. It also involves a lot of preparation time and delayed effects. There is no point. The mushrooms are food. I don't put food in gel caps.
5:25 pm
The effects are still coming on. Feeling a little bit tired. It's hard to differentiate between minor Soma effects and the psilocybin trip. The liquid is cold enough to drink. I down it in one. There is a lot of sludge left at the bottom. Shame I can't have a bulb. I wanted to experiment a bit with Soma and nitrous oxide.
5:30 pm
I put a cup of boiling water into the coffee jar. I start filing the soda syphon. If I want to use it on Soma, I need to be careful about the pressure. Need to alter it slightly so it only releases gas slowly.
5:45 pm
I scull the contents of the jar. Feel mild nausea. The urge to vomit. I suppress it.
5:55 pm
Finish filing the bulb catchment. I crack a bulb in there and have a puff. Combined with the psilocybin, weed and Soma it is interesting. Nitrous works in loops. Sound loops. So Soma and nitrous are connected in a weird way.
6:02 pm
Put two bulbs in the syphon. Take a full breath, hold it for as long as I can. Fuck. Three down. Seven hundred and nintey seven to go.
I've got to smoke a joint.
11.8 grams, comfortably, in less than an hour.
6:34 pm
Feel like there's a dream coming on. Light a joint.
Twitching slightly.
6:43 pm
I pee into the jar.
About a cup. 250 mls. I drink it, warm. That is the ultimate test.
Can I drink it out of a person. The answer is yes.
I brush my teeth. Coming up really hard. Going to roll another joint.
6:48 pm
Twitching a lot.
I smoke another joint.
7:00 pm
Coming up into the dream state now. I load two bulbs into the syphon. I go to lie down and breathe deep, then inhale the nitrous and hold it.
7:22 pm
Pee in the jar. Drink it. I smoke the rest of the last joint. Twitching a lot. Definitely going to dream, now. Need to wait for the last lot of pee to kick in. Load two bulbs into the syphon, pee in the jar, and take the syphon with me.
7:56 pm
Twitching a hell of a lot. Pee. Drink most of it. Load two bulbs. Go back to lie down.
8:33 pm
Am very close to crossing over. I relax all my muscles until only my consciousness remains. I have positioned the syphon on the bed so I can inhale it at the last second. As I transition into the divine world, Melbourne is hit by an earthquake.
Wednesday 20th June, 2012
7:54 am
I wake up with no memory of last night's experiences. The soda syphon is lying next to me, still loaded with gas. I inhale the contents and go back to sleep.
10:25 am
On my way to work, I stop at McDonald's. This guy tries to start up a conversation with me. He says, "Cold, isn't it?" I say, clearly disinterested, "Mmmm." He repeats it, mocking me. "Mmmm," he says, as if I'm being rude by not indulging in his meaningless conversation.
He tries again with the woman behind the counter, who is paid to be nice to him. He says, "Cold, isn't it?" She smiles brilliantly, and agrees with him. "Today it's freezing," he says. "Yesterday, we had an earthquake." He says it as if the world is coming to an end. He is unaware that the world already ended in 2012. The prophecy has already come true.
Before I leave, he repeats the conversation with another patron. "Cold, isn't it?" he says. "Today it's freezing. Yesterday, we had an earthquake." He is like a broken record. Poor guy.
4:45 am
I wake up, and start cleaning up the house. The landlord is going to arrive at roughly 11:30, but I'm not stressed. I haven't felt even the slightest bit of stress since I started taking Amanita Muscaria. Or depression. It has cured me of all my ailments. I am no longer an alcoholic. Last night I drank five beers from a six pack and left the last one for the morning. I feel like a different person. I am a different person. Muscaria has changed me from broken to functional. I feel the best I have ever felt in my entire life. I clean up the entire house, including unpacking and organizing my possessions. Usually this would be a highly stressful ordeal. I hate cleaning up. Or, I used to. Today I don't mind at all. In fact, I enjoy it. I enjoy everything now. I don't take anything for granted. Every minute of my life, every second, is bliss. For the first time, ever, my house feels like a home. Everything has it's own place; I know where everything is.
8:45 am
I load the cats into carry cases and hide them at the back of my property.
9:00 am
There is a knock at the door. I think, maybe, it's my landlord coming early. But I don't care. In the past I would've made a big fuss about it. Got upset. Told them off for coming early. Now, post-Soma, it doesn't matter.
It isn't the landlord. It's a delivery guy.
I unwrap the package and take out ten individual boxes of cream bulbs. 800 grams of compressed nitrous oxide. Hooray. It's been months since I've had a nang.
11:10 am
The landlord should be here any minute. I can't wait. Time to trip in my clean organized house. With my new sunny disposition. And my crate of nitrous. It's going to be glorious. All of my university work is finally done. My conscience clear, my soul pure, I take 5 gel caps - containing approximately 2.6 grams of dried Psilocybe Cyans - on an empty stomach. By the time the periodic inspection is done, I will be coming up hard.
11:24 am
I can already feel it. The gel caps are dissolving instantly. Want to smoke a joint, but I have to wait until the inspection is over.
11:48 am
Well, that inspection went fucking amazingly. Didn't even follow her around as she wandered through my drug filled house. Time to go get the cats, have a joint, then get nanging.
11:58 am
Starting to trip. I youtube an episode of Taxi.
12:07 pm
Body load higher than I remember it. Feeling sick. Could vomit if I wanted to. It's tempting. I'm not sure what the point of psilocybin is any more. Muscimol is so much better in every imagineable way. All other drugs are meaningless, by comparison.
12:47 pm
I am freezing cold from the shrooms. Shivering all over. So I go out in the sun. I am shivering in direct sunlight. Then my body adjusts and I am okay. I sit there, smoking a joint, thinking about Muscaria. It is all I can think about. I am becoming obsessed with it. I believe the meaning of life is hidden in this mushroom. There is a huge amount of information in it. I have pieces of the puzzle. Just pieces. I sit there, smoking, examining my pieces.
I have literally become another person. That is something I suspect. It would sound insane if I wrote it down, and be discarded as such. I'm going to write it down anyway.
The universe is a code, for lack of a better word. It unravels. I am part of that code. As significant and as insignificant as everything else. When you consume Muscaria, your life ends. It has to, in order to accomodate you travelling to the end of the universe. Your life is recorded as a position. It is on pause. You go to infinity. Then infinity becomes nothing and vice-versa. An infinite oneness, which becomes the universe. The big bang happens, again. You are born, again, with no memory of any of this, and then you get back in time to the point when you first had Muscaria. You are literally a different person. The entire universe has been cloned, and is identical to the one you remember. Your life is identical.
In this case, Muscaria had such a dramatic impact on me spiritually that it has changed my life. I am a different person, both figuratively and literally.
I realize that sounds insane.
12:58 pm
For thousands of years, men have been contemplating Soma without ever taking it. I believe it is the basis not only for what we call religion, but all society. I strongly believe a handful of psychedelic drugs started human consciousness. Of which, Soma is the most influential. The most Ancient. That I'm aware of, anyway.
It's not a co-incidence that muscimol is incredibly difficult to create. Efforts to synthesize the substance have failed. It will never be a popular drug. Because it is not for everyone. It is for people who, at some point in their lives, accept a spiritual journey. It is for people willing to ingest a massive amount of fungus. For people who are genuinely more interested in the truth than recreation. It is reserved for shamans. I am a shaman. That is why I recently drank my own urine, to recycle Amanita Muscaria. Somebody asked me if I was "fiending" for drugs when I did that. Like I drank my own piss in a state of desperation. No. I did it, because I am a shaman. That is what shamans do. The point of the exercise, is to let go. It is a test. Everything is a test. To be able to drink your own piss, without gagging or anything like that, is a test of the mind's ability to control itself. Drinking urine is not disgusting if you don't think it is disgusting when you're doing it.
If you gave most people a cup of pee from a shaman and told them that drinking it would be the most incredible experience of their lives, most of them would not drink it. Amanita is not for everyone. Even if it was possible to economically synthesize in sufficient quantities, it would not be popular. Because the effect is so strong that it is non-recreational. You cannot describe it as recreational. It is more than most people want. It is everything. I am in awe of everything. Being a different person, I'm able to experience things again for the first time in a completely different way. It's a weird feeling. I still have a lot of questions.
I'm not sure if I exist, or if the universe exists. I know there is a consciousness.
I'm understandably confused at this point. My muscaria journey is going to be a long one.
1:24 pm
The bulbs I ordered are too large for my soda syphon. I have to alter the syphon to fit the new size bulbs. Need some better tools. A metal file would be good. It is only about a milimeter too large to fit, but the casement is solid steel. Might even be a fraction of a milimeter.
I use a wood file. It works, but it will take too long to complete. I need to buy a small high grade metal file from the hardware store. No nangs today. Oh well.
1:59 pm
Need to smoke a joint. I am so cold. Not sure if I want to consume psilocybin any more. It's weird. Weed remained the same, when I changed from one person to another, but pslocybin is very different. I don't need it anymore. I keep having this sense of dejavu. Like this has happened before. Psilocybin has become meaningless before. It's not meaningless. Meaningless is the wrong word. If it wasn't for psilocybin I would never have encountered muscimol. All of those little psilocybin trips happened to lead me towards Muscaria. I used to eat massive amounts of psilocybin mushrooms. Now, post-Soma, there is something missing from the experience. It is no longer part of my journey, in the sense that it's not leading me towards muscaria. It is just an indulgence. It's hard to explain.
2:06 pm
Someone knocks at the door. I'm not expecting anyone, so I ignore it. They knock again, louder. I ignore them. I really don't want to interact with anyone while I'm on mushrooms. If I open the door and my mum is there or the police or something, then I'm fucked. It's best to just not answer. It used to piss me off that people turn up without calling. Now I recognize it as something that will continue to happen regardless of how I feel about it so I don't feel anything. It doesn't piss me off when people turn up at my door, and I don't answer it. I don't feel bad for them, or for myself. I don't feel anything. Just hide. It's not worth the risk. If it's my landlord or the police or something, I'm fucked. So I don't find out who it is.
2:17 pm
I eat mushrooms like everyone else, now. Not as part of a divine quest. Just an indulgence. I watch the plush carpet melt into itself. The less I believe in reality, the more I hallucinate. I have learnt a lot about breathing. It is possible to do incredible things by varying the rate and volume of breaths. I have a theory about Soma. The reason you have near death experiences is because you slow your breathing down so much that you approach death.
2:24 pm
I think I might go sober for a while. Life is more incredible than drugs. Soma taught me this. If you are enlightened and blissful, sobriety is bliss. I guess maybe that's it; I'm so happy now, post-Soma, that I no longer need drugs - for euphoria, or anything else. Except Soma.
I gained more from my four Soma experiences than I did in a decade of using all sorts of drugs. Psychedelics. Dissociatives. Opiates. I could do them all for a century, and it wouldn't come close to one trip on Soma. I am not exageratting. Soma is so incredibly powerful that all other drugs lose meaning. As x approaches infinity, y approaches zero. Soma is infinity.
This trip is nothing in comparison to Soma. Nothing. So, I might as well not do it. Psilocybin is like a thousandth of a per cent of muscaria. I don't see the point in taking minor psychedelics like LSD and psilocybin. Post-Soma the trip aspect of it approaches nothing. Hallucinations are nice. Like, I said it's an indulgence. And one of the many tools I use to aide my writing. But it no longer holds spiritual significance.
That's how Soma cures addiction. It is everything. Everything else, by contrast, is nothing. So things just are. Alcohol is what it is. Psilocybin is what it is. Soma is everything.
I am more conscious of the body load than I ever have been before. Psilocybin is a fairly dirty drug. If purity is a question of effect versus side-effect, then everything is dirty. Soma is the only clean drug, because the effect is infinitely large. If you insert infinity into the formula for purity, the side-effect variable becomes meaningless. You can cut it.
Mathematics is much purer than language.
I stare into a painting on the wall that my father did when he was my age. A building consumed with flames. I lose myself in the painting, hallucinating. The flames are alive.
Mathematical language is more compatible with the universe. The universe can be translated into the English language, but the English language is messy. You lose a bit in translation. With maths, you lose less. When I explain my experiences with Soma, I am translating from the divine to maths to English. The universe is mathematical. That is, at least, the best reference point I have available for the purposes of illustration.
I suspect that I am infinitely old, immortal. That I am at the beginning and the end of the universe. That I am everything. This is what my mind has been running circles around. I am everything. At the beginning of time, I was everything and also therefore one. Everything at the end of the universe. A complete infinite mass. And in my completeness, I became nothing. It is very difficult to translate. The beginning of the universe. I'm not sure that I should be translating. I think maybe it's difficult because it's not meant to happen. I shouldn't be encouraging people to consume Amanita Muscaria. I don't want to increase the popularity of this drug. If you are destined to consume it, you will.
Translating it into English is so difficult that I am likely get it wrong. Language will always be wrong. It might be possible to translate it into human mathematics and not compromise anything. But I can't explain it mathematically.
I think it's quite possible for someone to repeatedly consume Soma and not have a divine experience. I've read a lot of reports about people being sick and having terrible visions of hell. Other reports about people who feel nothing. It's all very vague. I think some people are meant to have visions and some people aren't.
After my last couple of experiences with Soma, it baffled me why the drug was so unpopular. People kick it over in the park. It's a poison. But it's the most euphoric incredible drug on the planet. How does that make sense?
The only explanation is that most people don't see what I see. My cat sits on top of my cat who is sitting on top of me. She is siting on my lap, so he sits on her.
If everybody had this experience from Soma, it would be the most popular drug on the planet. Instead of kicking these mushrooms over in the park, they would be the most valuable thing on the face of the planet. There is not enough Amanita Muscaria for the population. I am very good at mushroom hunting. I'm somewhat of an expert. Psilocybin mushrooms are extremely plentiful, and extremely popular. Amanita Muscaria are scarce, considering the weight you need to consume to produce a trip. One particular park produces I'd say around fifty Amanita caps every season. Most of the time they are run over by the lawn mower or kicked by kids. This year I will eat them all. The entire park, one season, will be less than ten trips. Psilocybin mushrooms are so plentiful that I don't have time to pick them. I can stock up for an entire year in one day. Sometimes when I hunt for Amanitas I don't even get enough for a whole trip. I might collect three good specimens.
So, I'm glad that they are reserved for me. They are my mushrooms. Nobody else in this city eats them. They grow for me. The patch in the park exists for me. They are by far my favorite drug. No contest. I love this drug, in the deepest way that anybody can love anything. And I am grateful that the rest of the world is incompatible. I don't want to encourage people to get sick or have traumatic experiences. I don't want to encourage people to consume Amanitas, because things are how they are for a reason. Soma is destined to be extremely unpopular. I can't change that.
The most fascinating of the commandments from the Holy Bible, is the second commandment. I've crapped on a fair bit about it before. Basically it's a sin to translate the divine into English. The Bible is a sin. The second commandment is a breach of the second commandment. While I don't really believe in sin, I have a lot of respect for the second commandment. The second commandment is anti-religion.
Since human language is incompatible with the universal code, when someone has a divine experience as soon as they communicate about it, it becomes a lie. To whatever degree. You might be able to explain the divine beautifully with words, but they are still imperfect. And that degree will build up over time and end up outweighing the divine. Religion collapsing on itself. In the same sense, I should not either write about Soma or try to explain it to myself. By translating it into language, I am creating a religion. And all religions are wrong. It doesn't need to be translated. I don't need to try and make sense of it in English, when I understand it perfectly in it's original state. I am trying to prove something to the world, by explaining it. Trying to show God to the world in a little cage and say, "Here it is! I found it."
I am going to do a Soma trip today. I really feel like doing one now. I think psilocybin is a good launchpad for Soma. It lead me to Soma in life and it will lead me there today. I am going insane, I think. My spiritual beliefs are so extraordinarily weird that I seem insane. I need to know if I am insane or if the divine is divine. But I know that questioning the divine is wrong. I translate it into English to try and make sense of it to prove to myself what I already know.
3:57 pm
I puff on my joint. It's a pain in the ass, smoking green. Forces me to use the vaporizer, eventually. I'm in that stubborn transitionary phase at the moment, where I try to hold onto the habit of smoking joints, without the tobacco. Never works. I'll be vaporizing soon. Might as well just leap forward in time when joints have been phased out. Unfortunately, that's not the way it works. I need to smoke green joints that always go out. It's hanging from my mouth now. Been there for about an hour. I keep lighting it. It keeps going out.
I'm obsessed with Soma. I think about it from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. I have had direct contact with the divine and it has changed my life. If I'm meant to translate it, if the second commandment is only a warning, and I am some sort of prophet, I need to spend years devoted to this incredible drug before I reveal my conclusions. It's going to take some time, to be able to explain it so that it makes sense. If that's possible. If I can prove that God exists and that God doesn't exist simultaneously. That is my mission. I want to make sense of infinity. I think some of the early prophets might have had single experiences. That is, had a vision. The details of every vision are different but the meaning is the same. A single vision might appear to be literal. The allegorical nature of visions becomes apparent when they are repeated. You need to cross-reference visions with other visions and find commonoalities, while trying to interpret the symbology within the vision itself. The more visions, the better. If I had ten thousand experiences with Soma like the four I have had, I would be able to explain the meaning of life. I'm certain of it. I have until the end of my life to try and translate the divine, at which point I will become divine.
4:41 pm
I don't have any gel caps for the Amanita Muscaria. The taste is quite overpowering when consuming sufficient quantities to transcend. But I've done it before. Years ago. I remember it being difficult. But, I'm stronger willed now. If I can drink urine it should be no issue. I have less than half an ounce, so I may need to drink my urine again in order to transcend tonight.
4:57 pm
The mushrooms are finely powdered. I put five grams in an empty coffee jar and add less than a cup of boiling water. The powder settles down the bottom of the brown liquid. I take a sip. It tastes incredibly strong. I like the taste. It is instantly intoxicating, somehow. I sip it. It tastes a little bit like strong chicken stock. The first time I drank it, years ago, I didn't know what I was consuming. Now I do. There is no need to suppress the urge to vomit. There is no need for my body to be frightened of this. I know what it is. It is not disgusting. It does not make me sick. It is heaven.
5:06 pm
It has cooled down enough to drink. I down it in two gulps.
There is some sludge remaining at the bottom of the jar.
5:11 pm
I add the remaining 6.8 grams of Soma into the coffee jar with a cup and a half of boiling water. Agitate contents for about a minute. Tiny particles of powdered Soma are floating around in the water. Can definitely feel the effects already. I sip my mushroom soup. It tastes absolutely incredible. I keep it to my lips between sips, breathing in the steam from the soup. It smells ancient. That is the best word in the English language to describe it. All psychedelic drugs have a certain reaction in terms of taste. Sugar is sweet. Psilocybin is earthen. Soma is ancient. It tastes exactly as it should.
I never used to do gel caps. I should stop consuming mushrooms that way, really. The taste isn't something I should have to avoid. If I'm not willing to eat mushrooms because of how they taste then I shouldn't eat them. It also involves a lot of preparation time and delayed effects. There is no point. The mushrooms are food. I don't put food in gel caps.
5:25 pm
The effects are still coming on. Feeling a little bit tired. It's hard to differentiate between minor Soma effects and the psilocybin trip. The liquid is cold enough to drink. I down it in one. There is a lot of sludge left at the bottom. Shame I can't have a bulb. I wanted to experiment a bit with Soma and nitrous oxide.
5:30 pm
I put a cup of boiling water into the coffee jar. I start filing the soda syphon. If I want to use it on Soma, I need to be careful about the pressure. Need to alter it slightly so it only releases gas slowly.
5:45 pm
I scull the contents of the jar. Feel mild nausea. The urge to vomit. I suppress it.
5:55 pm
Finish filing the bulb catchment. I crack a bulb in there and have a puff. Combined with the psilocybin, weed and Soma it is interesting. Nitrous works in loops. Sound loops. So Soma and nitrous are connected in a weird way.
6:02 pm
Put two bulbs in the syphon. Take a full breath, hold it for as long as I can. Fuck. Three down. Seven hundred and nintey seven to go.
I've got to smoke a joint.
11.8 grams, comfortably, in less than an hour.
6:34 pm
Feel like there's a dream coming on. Light a joint.
Twitching slightly.
6:43 pm
I pee into the jar.
About a cup. 250 mls. I drink it, warm. That is the ultimate test.
Can I drink it out of a person. The answer is yes.
I brush my teeth. Coming up really hard. Going to roll another joint.
6:48 pm
Twitching a lot.
I smoke another joint.
7:00 pm
Coming up into the dream state now. I load two bulbs into the syphon. I go to lie down and breathe deep, then inhale the nitrous and hold it.
7:22 pm
Pee in the jar. Drink it. I smoke the rest of the last joint. Twitching a lot. Definitely going to dream, now. Need to wait for the last lot of pee to kick in. Load two bulbs into the syphon, pee in the jar, and take the syphon with me.
7:56 pm
Twitching a hell of a lot. Pee. Drink most of it. Load two bulbs. Go back to lie down.
8:33 pm
Am very close to crossing over. I relax all my muscles until only my consciousness remains. I have positioned the syphon on the bed so I can inhale it at the last second. As I transition into the divine world, Melbourne is hit by an earthquake.
Wednesday 20th June, 2012
7:54 am
I wake up with no memory of last night's experiences. The soda syphon is lying next to me, still loaded with gas. I inhale the contents and go back to sleep.
10:25 am
On my way to work, I stop at McDonald's. This guy tries to start up a conversation with me. He says, "Cold, isn't it?" I say, clearly disinterested, "Mmmm." He repeats it, mocking me. "Mmmm," he says, as if I'm being rude by not indulging in his meaningless conversation.
He tries again with the woman behind the counter, who is paid to be nice to him. He says, "Cold, isn't it?" She smiles brilliantly, and agrees with him. "Today it's freezing," he says. "Yesterday, we had an earthquake." He says it as if the world is coming to an end. He is unaware that the world already ended in 2012. The prophecy has already come true.
Before I leave, he repeats the conversation with another patron. "Cold, isn't it?" he says. "Today it's freezing. Yesterday, we had an earthquake." He is like a broken record. Poor guy.
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