Soma Chai Latte (Amanita Muscaria) - "The Nausea Test"

[ForEverAfter]

3rd July, 2012 (New Financial Year, Day 3)

4:45 pm

I grind up approximately 30 grams of dried Amanita Muscaria caps and add them to about 2.5 cups of water. Place on the stove, on the lowest setting. Add a packet of powedered Chai Latte.

5:30 pm

I am concerned that 30 grams is not enough. It is from the same vendor as the previous experiment. I grind up another 9 grams from my own collected specimens. The additional weight contains mostly stems. Roughly a ratio of 2:1, stem to cap. My caps produce a much darker powder. A deep red. The vendor caps end up being a light orange powder. I assume this is largely due to the preparation proccess. The vendor caps have not been oven baked, and my oven no longer works. Though, I'm still not sure about the preparation.

I read a study that said ibotenic acid is not transfered into muscimol by heat. They heated Amanita Muscaria at 348 degrees faranheit overnight, and there was no difference. They found the exact same amount of ibotenic acid/ muscimol. I've also read experience reports from people who dried caps without bothering to boil or bake them. The study concluded that ibotenic acid is either converted into muscimol by the metabolism of a living creature or by UV radiation. Sunlight changes ibotenic into muscimol, not heat. However, since heat does not destroy the drug, I might as well continue to prepare in this fashion.

I have been reading a lot about Amanita Muscaria throughout history and studying Tibetan Buddhism. I'm going to briefly detail some of my discoveries.

Christmas trees are coniferous. The presents we place underneath them represent Muscaria.

Muscaria is born out of an "egg"-like structure comprised of what is called a universal veil. The veil splits open and the mushroom pushes it's way through. This is why there are spots, or warts, on the red surface of the cap. They are remnants of the universal veil. The tradition of hunting for easter eggs comes from the tradition of looking for the egg-like origins of Soma. Villagers used to send the children out to scout for the precious fungus. Then the children would grow up and send their children out. Over time, the tradition remained but the meaning was lost. Now we decorate eggs with bright colours. Reds, like Muscaria, and yellows, like Pantherina. Etcetera. The easter bunny is a more obscure reference to Amanitas, and I'm not entirely sure if I am imagining it. But, really, it must come from somewhere.

Lagomorphs have an unsual relationship with Amanita caps. Muscimol poisoning/overdose can be treated by eating the flesh of a rabbit who has also consumed muscimol/ibotenic acid. They do not experience the drugs effects. They translate it from "poison" to "cure". This is, perhaps, the reason that rabbits are associated with Easter eggs. It's hard to say with any certainty.

The following is perhaps the most interesting mythological association. Amanita mushrooms begin convex, to the sky. Then they flatten out and eventually turn inside out, becoming concave. Rain water gathers in the cup shape at the top of the mushroom. Muscimol bleeds out into the rain water, turning it red. The sun heats the red water, translating muscimol into ibotenic acid. People, and animals, can drink the water from the top of the mushroom and experience the effects. As I've said previously, the Amanita experience revolves around immortality and infinity. So you drink the red liquid from the mushroom cup and experience infinity. Or, you drink the blood from the Holy Grail and "gain" eternal life. Amanita mushrooms are the origin of the Holy Grail mythology.

People who know nothing about Amanita Muscaria, often say that it causes delerium. It makes you crazy. The revelations are nothing but delusions. They often point to the beserkers as an example of this. The words beserker and delerium are misleading. Amanita mushrooms destroy the fear of death. You come to terms with your mortality. Beserker warriors took Amanita caps before battles so they would be fearless. It is as simple as that.

There has been much debate about which fruit was the fruit in the garden of eden. It could not have been the apple, experts say, because apples did not grow in that climate. They are an introduced species. It might be a quince, others say, for much the same reasons. But the problem with this is: neither apples nor quinces have any psychoactive effect. What is far more likely is that the "fruit" is a symbiotic fungus that grows from the roots of trees rather than the branches. Coniferous trees produce Amanita caps. There is no other way to produce the caps. The mushrooms grow from a network of mycelium which extends from the roots of various pine species. So Amanita Muscaria/Pantherina/etcetera are the fruit of the tree, in a round about way. I strongly believe that this mushroom jump-started human evolution. I believe it is either the fruit of the tree of knowledge or the fruit of the tree of good and evil.

So far, I have established links to Judea-Christian mythology/traditions. Bear with me. I'm going somewhere with all this.

Christmas. Santa wears red and white. He is capable of being everywhere simultaneously. He places presents under coniferous trees. Reindeers eat Amanita mushrooms and trip out. Shamans are known to follow reindeer around and drink their urine.

Easter. The resurrection. Jesus dies and is reborn. Amanita Muscaria simulates this. If you have a successful experience with this mushroom, which - I should point out - is incredibly difficult to do, you will die and be reborn. Jesus Christ is an allegorical manifestation of the Amanita experience. He goes through various tests of spirit, then finally he must face and conquer his death. By doing so, he is purged of sin. This is precisely what happens. I have been cleansed of all anxieties. My temperament is so dramatically different than it used to be that I feel like a completely different person. The old me, the flawed human me, has died. The new me has been born. I ascended into heaven, then I returned to earth. I, literally, am Jesus.

The Holy Grail. The Garden of Eden. I have only started to scratch the surface of the Bible. I suspect that I can explain every single allegory in the Old and New Testament, and how it pertains to Soma. The Book of Job, for example.

The more complex the allegories the more difficult they are to explain. This is why Buddhism appeals to me. The simplicity of it. For thousands of years, Buddhists have maintained the truth. Their allegories have not lost their initial meaning. Buddhist monks understand life and death.

I've been reading the Tibetan book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche. I'm going to quote various sections of it.

"To practice death is to practice freedom. A man who has learned how to die has unlearned how to be a slave.

-MONTAIGNE"

"the Buddha said:

The existence of ours is as transient as autumn clouds.
To watch the birth and death of beings is like looking at the movements of a dance.
A lifetime is like a flash of lightning in the sky,
Rushing by, like a torrent down a steep mountain."

"the Buddha said:

Of all footprints,
That of the elephant is supreme.
Of all mindful meditations,
That on death is supreme."

"The fruit of frequent and deep reflection on death will be that you will find yourself 'emerging,' often with a sense of disgust, from your habitual patterns. You will find yourself increasingly ready to let go of them, and in the end you will be able to free yourself from them as smoothly, as the masters say, 'as drawing a hair from a slab of butter.'"

"...the tragedy and the irony of our struggle to hold on: not only is it impossible, but it brings us the very pain we are seeking to avoid."

"Buddha said:

Know all things to be like this:
A mirage, a cloud castle,
A dream, an apparition,
Without essence, but with qualities that can be seen.

Know all things to be like this:
As the moon in a bright sky
In some clear lake reflected,
Though to that lake the moon has never moved.

Know all things to be like this:
As an echo that derives
From music, sounds, and weeping,
Yet in that echo is no melody.

Know all things to be like this:
As a magician makes illusions
Of horses, oxen, carts and other things,
Nothing is as it appears.

"Confined in the dark, narrow cage of our own making which we take for the whole universe, very few of us can even begin to imagine another dimension of reality. Patrul Rinpoche tells the story of an old frog who had lived all his life in a dank well. One day the frog from the sea paid him a visit.
'Where do you come from?' asked the frog in the well.
'From the great ocean,' he replied.
'How big is your ocean?'
'It's gigantic.'
'You mean about a quarter of the size of my well here?'
'Bigger.'
'Bigger? You mean half as big?'
'No, even bigger.'
'Is it... as big as this well?'
'There's no comparison.'
'That's impossible! I've got to see this for myself.'
They set off together. When the frog from the well saw the ocean, it was such a shock that his head just exploded into pieces."

"Dudjom Rinpoche wrote:

No words can describe it
No example can point to it
Samsara does not make it worse
Nirvana does not make it better
It has never been born
It has never ceased
It has never been liberated
It has never been deluded
It has never existed
It has never been nonexistent
It has no limits at all
It does not fall into any kind of category"

"The teaching speak of four faults, which prevent us from realizing the nature of mind right now:

1. The nature of mind is too close top be recognized. Just as we are unable to see our own face, mind finds it difficult to look into it's own nature.

2. It is too profound for us to fathom. We have no idea how deep it could be; if we did, we would have already, to a certain extent, realized it.

3. It is too easy for us to believe. In reality, all we need to do is simply to rest in the naked, pure awareness of the nature of mind, which is always present.

4. It is too wonderful for us to accomodate. The sheer immensity of it is too vast to fit into our narrow way of thinking. We just can't believe it. Nor can we possibly imagine that enlightenment is the real nature of our minds."

"Because in our culture we overvalue the intellect, we would imagine that to be come enlightened demands extraordinary intelligence. In fact many kinds of cleverness are just further obscurations. There is a Tibetan saying that goes, 'If you are too clever, you could miss the point entirely.' Patrul Rinpoche said: "The logical mind seems so interesting, but it is the seed of delusion."

I have experienced drug induced enlightenment. I believe DMT is another window to the enlightened state of being. The problem with smoking DMT is that it is too fast. You don't understand anything from smoking DMT because it is over before you have time to learn. The same can be said, to a lesser extent, of Amanita Muscaria and Ayahuasca. The longer you take to obtain enlightenment, the clearer it is. Meditation is superior, I suspect, to Amanita Muscaria, because it is so gradual that you have time to contemplate every detail.

What is extraordinary about Buddhist monks, is there ability to obtain the same state that I have experienced through drugs while completely sober. The experience is not, therefore, inherent to the drug. It is inherent to us. The drugs are a shortcut to enlightenment. But, perhaps, an inferior version of enlightement. I cannot claim to be as wise as a Tibetan monk. However I have lived a monk-like existence for some time. I have been deconstructing my life. Breaking everything down. Studying myself. Analysing every thought. I have lived as a hermit for the past two years. I don't interact with anyone socially. I take psychedelic drugs and I try to learn the truth. That is what I've been telling people. That I'm looking for the truth.

And, thanks to Soma, I am getting close.

I used to hate myself, and everyone else. I thought the world was a mistake. The human race, a virus. Now I love myself, and everyone else. Nothing is a mistake. We are one.

I have been on a spiritual journey for a long time. The better part of ten years. Maybe, my whole life. It's hard to pinpoint exactly when it began. When I first achieved enlightenment, I thought I was crazy. Why did I deserve it? I must be the luckiest person on Earth. So many things have happened in my life to lead me to this point. The odds are astonishing. Every failed relationship. Every mistake I've ever made. There are so many factors contributing to my journey that it's difficult to understand. Was I destined to have this experience? And, if so, should I try to convince others to replicate it? I don't want to encourage people to prematurely consume this drug. You cannot skip the journey and go straight to the destination. If you want to experience the divine, you have to devote yourself to it. Break down endless barriers in your head. Take everything you know apart. Sacrifice large portions of your life. If you are willing to do that, then I highly encourage you to seek out drug-induced enlightenment.

Otherwise, it will terrify you.

There is a reason I took a five year gap between my first and second muscimol experience. I was not ready. Now, I am ready. It has taken a long time to get here. I have doubted myself so much along the way. Now, all of that hard work has paid off. I have experienced something that the vast majority of people will never experience: the most beautiful experience in the world.

6:00 pm

I start drinking the tea. It is noticeably stronger tasting than my last brew. Still, the chai flavour is a great combination with the Amanita: it does not taste like one thing is being used to mask another; they are complimentary.

7:00 pm

I finish the tea. 33 grams cap, 6 grams stem. Total dose = 39 grams. Somehow I'm still not convinced that this will be enough. I make another batch of tea, to be sure, from a third batch of Amanita Muscaria - which I collected myself, but have not baked. The powder is a dull orange like the vendors mushrooms, proving that different methods of preparation produce a different coloured product. And, therefore, probably, a different level of potency. The second batch contains 9.3 grams of caps. Total dose = 48.3 grams. This is one of the highest doses I have attempted to consume. I add a packet of chai latte and heat it slowly for fifteen minutes. The flavor is predictably less than the previous batch. It is quite easy to drink. Halfway through the first glass I start twitching. It is hard to pour the second glass. I am typing extremely fast, again. At low levels, muscimol has an amphetamine-like quality. My mind is incredibly clear and focused. I'm drinking a little slower today to reduce the likelihood of nausea, given the lack of weed. So far I have experienced no sickness or stomach discomfort whatsoever.

7:49 pm

I pour the remaining tea into my glass and sip it. I am still not convinced that it is enough. I am tempted to mix the few remaining pieces into a third pot of tea.

7:57 pm

Coming up hard. Nausea My head is swimming. I keep drinking my glass. There is no need to make another batch. My stomach wants to eject it's contents. I will not allow it to. This requires serious concentration. I have to be focused. In that sense, it's good to not have the cannabis. It forces me, early on, to get into the right mindset for the trip. Smoking marijuana is like skipping the first test. It's hard to keep it down. I have to stop drinking. I've started burping up this bubbles of air that smell like Muscaria. This always happens. There's a lot of gas. I'm coming up really hard. It's difficult to type. Because it causes me to stop focusing. I have to type in bursts. Then concentrate and suppress the sickness. Two sentences max. That's all I can get out. At a time. It's getting stronger and stronger, the sickness. I need to lie down and focus all my energy on it. The trip is about to begin. But it's difficult to get up. The nausea has gotten to the point that moving for a prolonged period of time will cause me to lose concentration and vomit. I build myself up to it. I can do it. On the way, I consider getting a bucket. Because I will vomit eventually. Then I think, no. I shouldn't commit to losing this challenge. I need to keep it down permanently. I go lie down on the floor in front of the heater, and turn it on. The nausea has built back up again. I can't move a millimetre. I lie there, repressing the urge to vomit while simultaneously not thinking about it. I think about nothing. That is the best way to overcome this nausea. It is no co-incidence that thinking of nothing is also the way to induce infinity. That is why this drug tastes bad and why you're supposed to consume it without marijuana or ginger.

The nausea keeps increasing and increasing and I have to concentrate harder and harder. If I start to lose faith that I can keep it down, I start losing the battle. So I have to believe in myself. Even when I'm right on the verge. I hold myself there, seconds away from vomitting, for five minutes. Then, finally I give in.

8:25 pm

I vomit all over the coffee table. The liquid travels across the length of it, soaking everything. But it doesn't drip on the carpet. I go get a towel from the bathroom and some tissues and proceed to clean everything up. While walking through the kitchen I walk directly into a wooden stool, as if it's invisible. I'm seriously inebriated now. Not twitching enough though. I don't know why. I should be spasming. I'm not sure if I've consumed enough, now that I've vomitted it back up again. The first batch of tea would have been absorbed, completely. But I would have lost some on the second. On an empty stomach it takes me roughly ninety minutes to digest liquid. Starting to twitch a little bit.

8:39 pm

I put the half glass of tea in the microwave and sip it. After I finish this glass I should go lie down, I think.

8:41 pm

Done. I go lie down.

1:00 am

Wake up. Fee great. Calm and relaxed. Big pools of drool. More salivation than I would have thought possible. Like half a litre. The pillow is soaked. I move around on the ground, drooling in various places on the carpet. It's strange. The effects are quite different from previous experiments. I think, due to the lack of DXM and cannabis. I never salivated this much. I've never heard of anyone salivating this much. I went into this drooling trance. But I don't remember having any visions. I failed the nausea test. But I am prepared now. I know what I have to do. This failure is an advantage for next time. Unfortunately I've eaten practically all of my specimens. There's nowhere near enough left for another experience.

4th July, 2012 (New Financial Year, Day 4)

I go hunting for Amanita mushrooms. I don't even bother picking psilocybes any more. I often walk past big patches of them, and take little notice. There are few Amanita caps left. The Muscaria season is definitely ending, in Melbourne anyway. I go to two different locations. It takes me an hour and a half. I end up with four mushrooms. I have six, total. Not enough. There are two premature caps that I left in the park. They will be adults in approximately three days. At which point, I will have enough for a trip. Maybe.

Erowid defines Amanita Muscaria dosage as: 30 grams for a stong experience. Personally, I find it requires 35-50 grams. But, then, I am including stem weight. Regardless, I find I need at least eight caps - more like ten - to break through to the divine.

3:30 pm

I order an ounce of mushrooms from another online vendor.

 

[ForEverAfter]

9:55 pm

I vaporize a tray containing 0.35 grams evaporated Amanita Muscaria pieces. Only caps. No stems. A ratio of about two to one, gills to skin. The gills crumble into powder when touched. The deep red skin of the mushroom is wrinkled. I vaporize it at around 183 degrees celsius, filling six bags with vapor.

I inhale each bag in three breaths, filling my lungs up as much as I can comfortably. I hold each breath in my lungs for about thirty seconds.

Experiencing mild amphetamine effects. Cannabis masks this, both in terms of oral and vaporzed consumption, to the extent that the upper effects of muscimol are non-existent. The effect creeps up on me. I find myself thinking faster and moving more efficiently. I don't have to think about what I'm doing, as if a large part of my body is on autopilot.

10:20 pm

I vaporize another tray, containing 0.3 grams of dried material. This time the ratio is about fifty fifty, skin to gills. I chose pieces that have more skin, as I suspect - based on what I've read - that it contains the majority of the active ingredients.

My lung capacity has increased. I am able to do each bag in two breaths, rather than three. Again, I hold it in for roughly thirty seconds before exhaling.

Feeling stoned now. Relaxed. My muscles are loosening up. I am a little sedated. I glance about the room, slowly. Feels like a very mild opiate buzz. When I close my eyes there are CEVs. Traces of the divine pattern.

10:49 pm

I do another tray. Half a gram of mostly skin. I try to remove the gills before I load the tray. I'd say it's something like 80% skin.

The taste is incredibly strong. I am not expecting it. It tastes multiple times stronger than the last tray. So strong that it stings my tongue. My mouth is full of the taste. It is all over my tongue and my teeth. I do each bag in two breaths, again, holding for thirty seconds.

The CEVs have gotten a little bit stronger. The divine pattern has a higher frame rate than that of lower psychedelics. It flickers against the inside of my eyelids. Teasing me. There are some OEVs now, too. Mild spatial distortions and patterns.

I am drifting off inside my head slightly. Losing focus on what I'm doing in the physical world. The vaporizer confuses me at one point. I have to stop and think about what I'm doing. How the machine works. The amphetamine effects are returning, but they're mixing with the sedation creating a weird combination of up and down.

11:11 pm

I do one last tray. 0.35 grams of material, almost entirely skin. Maybe 90% skin, 10% gill.

I feel deeply calm. Meditative. I stare up at the ceiling, thinking about this and that. I am at peace with everything. Relaxed. Stoned. Tripping. At one point I see a couple of tiny blue bolts of lightning in my periphery, then they are gone. Other than that, fairly mild OEVs.

I get up to make some notes. Walking around is strange. Like DXM, sort of. My body doesn't go in a straight line. My arms and legs don't move in formation. My movements are distorted a bit. Nothing major, but definitely noticeable. I am starting to feel tired. Had a long day. Plus the drugs are making me sleepy.

11:46

The effects are still quite strong. But it took me an hour and a half to vaporize the material. Next time, I need to vaporize 100% skin. Trays take an average of about thirteen minutes. The reason it takes so long is because I am waiting for the tray to cool down. If I use both trays, preparing the next one in advance, then I should be able to chain vaporize about 4 grams in an hour. I figure I can fit 0.8 grams of finely powdered skin into each tray. Do each tray in twelve minutes. I'm fairly certain if I do that, I will experience more substantial effects. In particular, I'm curious as to whether a proper dream state can be achieved by vaporizing.

Got to go to bed now.