so much anger, hate, testosterone flowing through me and idk why

[mrsnowygrainius]

I'm just so frustrated all the dam time, I'm always pissed off and have so much hate in my heart for all the people in my past as well as the world today. I NEVER used to be like this... I mean I'm getting into fights everywhere i go, whether it be driving, or even in the fucking grocery store, punching holes in ym walls every single day cuz the girl i like won't text me and cuz theres no waves (I'm a surfer) ? like i sound so childish and I'm always fucking horny like lustfully horny, the bad kind...

quick background- used to be a IV heroin addict, got clean through suboxone and now i been on subs for 4 years, 12 mgs daily for 4 years now, i had some serious problems with smoking crack too but i have not touched that in over a year, only drugs i do now is my suboxone and smoke pot, and yes i even quick smoking ciggs like 15 months ago

and to anyone out there that says, oh just go get laid, no... i do it like once a week if I'm lucky and i just had amazing sex with her the other night and yea right after we do it, i feel calm and relaxed, but then the next day I'm right back to being frustrated again

i mean its getting to the point where I'm looking at sparring classes just to maybe get some of this anger out, but why is this happening? everyone i know or use to always would say, "oh you are such a calm laid back person" but now people cant stand to be around me

how do i get rid of all this hate in my heart? how can i learn to be more calm and not fly off the handle when something don't go my way? do you guys think the sparring classes might help me?

 

[herbavore]

It must be really strange to have been a very laid back person and now to be feeling all this rage. It almost sounds chemical--have you seen a doctor? Hormones can wreak havoc with your moods. Also, in some cases depression can be expressed as anger (https://www.elementsbehavioralhealt...ble-depression-when-sadness-feels-like-anger/)

I do think having a physical outlet would help but it sounds like you are going to have to go deeper than that to find out what the cause is.

 

[G.R.S.H.]

I have a very good friend that recently got clean again. A long time ago his doc was heroin. This last time around I think it was alcohol. He too is going through what you describe. He did join a local dojo and says that nothing helps him feel better than hitting people in the ring. But he is keeping it in the ring now. Try it...

Truth is that when we have ingested one thing or another for any length of time, we have huge adjustments to make once we start feeling again. They said you would feel better- they didn't mean good, they meant you would feel everything (good, bad & ugly) better than you felt it when you were loaded. A lot of people go through a year (sometimes more) of feeling what you describe after they get clean.

Also- In my experience, the people I knew who smoked a lot of the green were often this way when they weren't stoned, because they forgot how to deal with their feelings when weed was unavailable.

Give your emotions time to adjust. Try some form of physical outlet... in a healthy and legal way!