Relationships + Drugs sisters

[gypsiejunkie]

I'm so so sad right now just crying and crying but it feels better than holding on to anger and becoming bitter and cold and all that shit fr.

my sister is 14 months older than me. we grew up in a very dysfunctional family and they are still highly highly dysfunctional. I choose not to be a part today after years of begging and pleading for love from those people. I was blacklisted and ostracized from my family a long time ago because I struggled with addiction.

but here's the thing.

my dad was a drug addict half of my life?? I mean they make no sense. even now my dad bonds with my sister over alcohol. now I don't want to get too much into it but my point is it's not exactly my sisters fault but she's fucking turned into my mother...

is this fixable??????? because fuck my mom fr she is quite possibly the most miserable person on the planet? like why? how? what? I mean if you want details I'll give them to you but i promise promise you no one wants to be my mom not even her I'm sure.

but my sister? idk I've kind of struggled my whole life with her. I'm starting to wonder if I just was blinded. or if there's still some of her left to save? because we were so close so so close we used to be. but it was unhealthy. but I mean I have 6 siblings and none of then really seem to understand me they are so cold and distant. but they're all close except me. and I don't know why or what I did. but now it seems like my sister wants it this way. or is on the wrong side. idk who she is anymore. it's just so devastating to me. we haven't even been on speaking terms for a month and a half after years of a deteriorating relationship

but I sent her a message today...I would rather actually be the bigger person

I said, "just listen to it please...and remember who you are and where you came from. I def remember and know who I am and to tell you very honestly I'm the healthiest I've ever been spiritually. and that's what matters isn't it? me and the kids are close. especially me and (daughter). (son) is just a boy so I don't really get him rn but we've just never struggled like me and (daughter) did. and she's healing so much it's beautiful. but you don't even get to see that. I am so alone in this world. I have a bf now and idk if it'll last or not but he's all I've got rn besides the kids obviously but anyway. I had a sister and I don't even recognize her anymore"

oh and the listen to it part is this--
Check out hannah isnt here anymore on #SoundCloud

hannah plays alone

the cracks are starting to show....

on.soundcloud.com

I just posted my album I wrote and it's very very personal to me and I would imagine my sister as well. idk do you think I can save her? because in the end she is just miserable herself and maybe if I can help her she'll stop being so miserable to be around or I mean idk its so complicated but I do know I spent from 11 to 29 suicidal and she is suicidal and an alcoholic and I'm scared idk what to do but i don't want that for her

 

[gypsiejunkie]

the other brothers and sisters I have are much younger than me btw and I helped raise them with my sister when my parents were too preoccupied being psychopaths with no regard. anyway, I don't blame them. they were brainwashed by my parents to treat me the way they do. they can't help it. but honestly? they are all involved in Christianity and church life and shit and I think it's kind of a cult. like I said. complicated but I thought you guys might wonder about the rest of my sibs and why I wasn't mad at them. it just sucks. I am so sad I miss having a big family and I just haven't been a part of that for a long long time

 

[64tf]

I feel like I don't know all the back ground here and I'm not getting a lot of this. What do you think you need to save your sister from.

The first 30 secs of the music I listened to were pretty good. I'll play the rest of the album later in the car.

 

[Hexenstahl]

@gypsiejunkie
Hey, if you need someone to talk to you can always shoot me a PM. You seem like a wonderful person to be around with. You derserve a good life and happiness. I hope you'll find a man one day who will truly love you with all of his heart. Love heals

 

[gypsiejunkie]

I'm trying to save my sister from turning into my mother/her general declining mental health.

 

[64tf]

I genuinely like your album. I found the lyrics to be very relatable.

I think the divide between you and your sister is temporary, and you will find each other again. Does she have kids also?

 

[xtcgrrrl]

I'm so so sad right now just crying and crying but it feels better than holding on to anger and becoming bitter and cold and all that shit fr.

my sister is 14 months older than me. we grew up in a very dysfunctional family and they are still highly highly dysfunctional. I choose not to be a part today after years of begging and pleading for love from those people. I was blacklisted and ostracized from my family a long time ago because I struggled with addiction.

but here's the thing.

my dad was a drug addict half of my life?? I mean they make no sense. even now my dad bonds with my sister over alcohol. now I don't want to get too much into it but my point is it's not exactly my sisters fault but she's fucking turned into my mother...

is this fixable??????? because fuck my mom fr she is quite possibly the most miserable person on the planet? like why? how? what? I mean if you want details I'll give them to you but i promise promise you no one wants to be my mom not even her I'm sure.

but my sister? idk I've kind of struggled my whole life with her. I'm starting to wonder if I just was blinded. or if there's still some of her left to save? because we were so close so so close we used to be. but it was unhealthy. but I mean I have 6 siblings and none of then really seem to understand me they are so cold and distant. but they're all close except me. and I don't know why or what I did. but now it seems like my sister wants it this way. or is on the wrong side. idk who she is anymore. it's just so devastating to me. we haven't even been on speaking terms for a month and a half after years of a deteriorating relationship

but I sent her a message today...I would rather actually be the bigger person

I said, "just listen to it please...and remember who you are and where you came from. I def remember and know who I am and to tell you very honestly I'm the healthiest I've ever been spiritually. and that's what matters isn't it? me and the kids are close. especially me and (daughter). (son) is just a boy so I don't really get him rn but we've just never struggled like me and (daughter) did. and she's healing so much it's beautiful. but you don't even get to see that. I am so alone in this world. I have a bf now and idk if it'll last or not but he's all I've got rn besides the kids obviously but anyway. I had a sister and I don't even recognize her anymore"

oh and the listen to it part is this--
Check out hannah isnt here anymore on #SoundCloud

hannah plays alone

the cracks are starting to show....

on.soundcloud.com

I just posted my album I wrote and it's very very personal to me and I would imagine my sister as well. idk do you think I can save her? because in the end she is just miserable herself and maybe if I can help her she'll stop being so miserable to be around or I mean idk its so complicated but I do know I spent from 11 to 29 suicidal and she is suicidal and an alcoholic and I'm scared idk what to do but i don't want that for her

Your story sounds so familiar to me! I have 2 teenage girls, 14 months apart, and they couldn’t be more different. Except I’m the drug addict here, not the dad (their father has other issues.) And I was able to come back from the brink and re-focus most of my energy and attention on my children.

I wouldn’t ever judge anyone based on their life choices. Who am I to judge?! I’ve made some terrible mistakes in my past, and all I can do is try to make up for it in the present. But I’m not super religious; their dad’s side is pretty religious, tho. Organized religions can absolutely be cult-like, with all the strict rules on how to live your life. And people who are extremely religious tend to perceive those who don’t lead a religious life as being “lesser.” They’ll look down your nose at you and judge you. But isn’t God supposed to be love?? When people use their religion to condemn you, they’re doing the OPPOSITE of what Jesus wanted, which was to love each other regardless of social status. (This being said, I’m Jewish and my ex was a Syrian Sephardic Modern Orthodox Jew. Which is a particularly troublesome sect, honestly. But I was never religious enough for his mother, who judged me as unworthy from the get-go. And this woman herself is a piece of work. I’m mentioning this to illustrate how some of the most devout people can actually be horrible people on the inside.

I related so much to your story! But no child of mine would be shunned and ostracized for any of their life choices. I will always love and accept them. And my two daughters are close. So is my son. They love and accept each other and I encourage that.

OP, don’t give up hope. Maybe one day your family will understand and accept you. Even older people are capable of change. I’ve seen it with my mom. Sending you warm wishes and hopes for your future happiness

 

[gypsiejunkie]

I genuinely like your album. I found the lyrics to be very relatable.

I think the divide between you and your sister is temporary, and you will find each other again. Does she have kids also?

thank you for listening she does have kids, 4 of them. it's kind of part of the divide between us. I can explain that..

when I was 9 my mother started having more kids with my dad. pretty much after that me and my sister were more or less slaves of the household. it seemed like then as soon as the baby would be old enough to talk back she would get tired of them and move on to the next baby. she ended up having 5 more kids that me and my sister did most of the raising of. My mother did not actually like kids she just liked having babies that were completely dependant on her. she would go on to ground me to "diapers" which meant if I did any slight transgression I would have to change diapers for a week or a month or whatever and I ended up basically changing diapers for years at a time. she even pulled me out of school to "homeschool" which just meant clean the house, cook food, change babies, etc etc and i didnt even do any school for my 8th grade year except bible class haha. but guess what? I actually loved my siblings and I wanted to do that for them. if you dont do any of the actual work of being a parent are you really a parent?? my sister and I protected the little kids from my parents. that's why they turned out alright for the most part.

now its been 24 years since my brother was born. my sister has 4 kids. 2/4 she didn't even know who the father was of her kids even though she was married to her first husband for all the pregnancies. I have maintained that I think she should stop bearing children she's not ready for. these are literal people for God's sake but whatever I love them all its not even that. but she treats her first 3 kids that ended up all being her first husband's kids like shit. she hates her first husband and she has little to no tolerance for those kids. then she got pregnant with the last one who, btw she thought was my ex boyfriend's baby at first but it ended up being someone else's. she clearly favors the baby. this is all while acting like she's sooooo much better than me because she goes to church, works in the nursery and drinks alcohol instead of doing drugs.

now idk what to do because listen!!!

after about 3 months of not talking because of this blowout fight she asked if I wanted to go to therapy with her, which I agreed to. now after going to therapy and seeing things a little clearer I'm so sad for my sister. it seems it is a little late at least when it comes to her relationship with her kids, she doesn't even know guys!!! she doesn't even understand she has a pretty bad relationship with these kids. my kids and hers are very close. they are all about the same age, her kids, a little younger but man they are freaking out, a mess. but somehow I didn't even see that they really hate my sister like we did our parents. I mean I really had no idea but now that i see it, I can't unsee it. so much damage has been done. and she is incredibly defensive over her parenting but I am telling you it is bad. she now married the guy who fathered her latest baby but the first 3 kids hate him etc etc..

I just don't understand my family at all. I mean thank God I have pretty much done my best to distance myself from them and be the opposite of them my whole life because I can see so clearly now how needing their approval and love has made my sister one of them-the enemy. and I can't believe it.

we might be able to improve our relationship to some extent I do have a small amount of hope for that but overall she's so deeply in denial about this idk if it's fixable. and her kids are growing up and I don't think it's going to go well for her. sigh.

all I know is I lost my kids due to my addiction for 3 years and all I can say is THANK GOD which is crazy to say but honestly it changed everything and I had to go through a lot to get to where I'm at today and I'm so so thankful because almost daily im in tears almost because I'm so thankful to have my kids back in my life for 3 more years now. and I'm so thankful that after I had my son I got my tubes tied because idk how those people just give up on their own children and start over with new ones. I mean wtf is that??

I just wish there were more answers/solutions but I'm afraid there just isn't. I will be destined to be the scapegoat in my family and my sister will probably not change drastically. I know that what that would require would be for her to break away from the very oppressive cult like religious culture my parents created and for her to face life without taking the easy road all the time. she has chosen the "easy" way of latching on to whatever dude gives her the most financial stability and relative security. I just hope when all goes to shit they come to me But that's a joke they think I'm pretty much worthless but guess what?? at least my kids love and talk to me!! we're not perfect by any means but whoa it's better than that shit.

sorry this is so long its a lot to unpack

 

[xtcgrrrl]

thank you for listening she does have kids, 4 of them. it's kind of part of the divide between us. I can explain that..

when I was 9 my mother started having more kids with my dad. pretty much after that me and my sister were more or less slaves of the household. it seemed like then as soon as the baby would be old enough to talk back she would get tired of them and move on to the next baby. she ended up having 5 more kids that me and my sister did most of the raising of. My mother did not actually like kids she just liked having babies that were completely dependant on her. she would go on to ground me to "diapers" which meant if I did any slight transgression I would have to change diapers for a week or a month or whatever and I ended up basically changing diapers for years at a time. she even pulled me out of school to "homeschool" which just meant clean the house, cook food, change babies, etc etc and i didnt even do any school for my 8th grade year except bible class haha. but guess what? I actually loved my siblings and I wanted to do that for them. if you dont do any of the actual work of being a parent are you really a parent?? my sister and I protected the little kids from my parents. that's why they turned out alright for the most part.

now its been 24 years since my brother was born. my sister has 4 kids. 2/4 she didn't even know who the father was of her kids even though she was married to her first husband for all the pregnancies. I have maintained that I think she should stop bearing children she's not ready for. these are literal people for God's sake but whatever I love them all its not even that. but she treats her first 3 kids that ended up all being her first husband's kids like shit. she hates her first husband and she has little to no tolerance for those kids. then she got pregnant with the last one who, btw she thought was my ex boyfriend's baby at first but it ended up being someone else's. she clearly favors the baby. this is all while acting like she's sooooo much better than me because she goes to church, works in the nursery and drinks alcohol instead of doing drugs.

now idk what to do because listen!!!

after about 3 months of not talking because of this blowout fight she asked if I wanted to go to therapy with her, which I agreed to. now after going to therapy and seeing things a little clearer I'm so sad for my sister. it seems it is a little late at least when it comes to her relationship with her kids, she doesn't even know guys!!! she doesn't even understand she has a pretty bad relationship with these kids. my kids and hers are very close. they are all about the same age, her kids, a little younger but man they are freaking out, a mess. but somehow I didn't even see that they really hate my sister like we did our parents. I mean I really had no idea but now that i see it, I can't unsee it. so much damage has been done. and she is incredibly defensive over her parenting but I am telling you it is bad. she now married the guy who fathered her latest baby but the first 3 kids hate him etc etc..

I just don't understand my family at all. I mean thank God I have pretty much done my best to distance myself from them and be the opposite of them my whole life because I can see so clearly now how needing their approval and love has made my sister one of them-the enemy. and I can't believe it.

we might be able to improve our relationship to some extent I do have a small amount of hope for that but overall she's so deeply in denial about this idk if it's fixable. and her kids are growing up and I don't think it's going to go well for her. sigh.

all I know is I lost my kids due to my addiction for 3 years and all I can say is THANK GOD which is crazy to say but honestly it changed everything and I had to go through a lot to get to where I'm at today and I'm so so thankful because almost daily im in tears almost because I'm so thankful to have my kids back in my life for 3 more years now. and I'm so thankful that after I had my son I got my tubes tied because idk how those people just give up on their own children and start over with new ones. I mean wtf is that??

I just wish there were more answers/solutions but I'm afraid there just isn't. I will be destined to be the scapegoat in my family and my sister will probably not change drastically. I know that what that would require would be for her to break away from the very oppressive cult like religious culture my parents created and for her to face life without taking the easy road all the time. she has chosen the "easy" way of latching on to whatever dude gives her the most financial stability and relative security. I just hope when all goes to shit they come to me But that's a joke they think I'm pretty much worthless but guess what?? at least my kids love and talk to me!! we're not perfect by any means but whoa it's better than that shit.

sorry this is so long its a lot to unpack

I lost all access to my kids for 3 months because my ex husband used my drug addiction to get a restraining order. That was absolute misery for me; I can’t even IMAGINE 3 years!!! But, just like you, I’m grateful for it; it took me a bit longer to get my addiction under control, but these days I mostly only use psychedelics, and never at home with my children there, only at my partner’s house and on weekends. I now have my two older ones living with me full time, and I had all 3 of them since spring of 2020 (their dad was too busy working to deal with zoom school, and after that I homeschooled for 2 years because of COVID.) So that was 2 years of my son living with me as well as my girls. Total of 4 years at this point. Yet my ex husband will not change the custody agreement. As it stands right now, legally my ex is the custodial parent and I’m supposed to get them 2 weekends a month. Ha. I’ve had them FULL TIME, including most of the summer, too. My ex just wants the credit, yet I’m the one doing all the work. I COULD go back to court and force a change, but that would take money that I don’t have (for a lawyer) and the family courts are so backed up that by the time I got a decision pushed through, the girls would be done with high school anyway (I’ve got a sophomore and a freshman going to the same high school that 3 generations of my family have gone to. It’s so nice!) For my son, I might consider forcing a change. He’s with his dad right now because he’s not a bar mitzvah yet and that side of the family REALLY CARES about him getting a Jewish education, ugh. But he wants to go to the same high school his sisters are going to now, and that means moving in with me. But my point is, I really don’t care who gets the “credit;” I just want to be a good mom, a good parent to them. I have so much to make up for. And I think I’m doing ok; somehow, my kids still love me, and they come to me for help or to unburden themselves. I’m honored my teens still want to hang out with me and do stuff together. I can’t change the past, but I can allow it to help me make the future a bit brighter.

Honestly, in a way, I’m kind of glad for having hit rock bottom. I lost everything; so now I know what’s REALLY important in life, and I am so grateful for my awesome support system in my family and friends. I lost my dignity, my honor, and my reputation; it’s been a long slow slog but I’m finally feeling like I’ve gotten all that back. And I prize it all the more for having lost it. And I feel like I’m more empathetic because of my experiences; I will never look down my nose at anyone, because I’m in no position to be judgmental. And some of the best people I’ve ever met were what you might call the “dregs of society.” A homeless man squatting in an abandoned building called an ambulance for me when I ODed there, even though it meant he was driven from his shelter. He put my life ahead of his own welfare. There ARE good people out there, and I wouldn’t be alive without some of them.

I’m sorry, totally went off on a tangent there but this is something that I was thinking about lately. I actually think I’m a better mom to my kids because of my drug addiction and all the problems that went with it. Life bitch-slapped me, but good. I learned a lot, and now I can impart this knowledge to my children. I’ll never judge them for anything they do, or give them grief about getting themselves into a bad place. I’ll be able to help with that, and for that, I am so grateful.