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Single Women and their Relationships with Gay Men

Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
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My (female) exes best friend is a gay man. They are truly like best mates and neither really date very much. Consequently my ex pretty much socialises with a bunch of gay men where she is the only woman.

This seems to be a quite common phenomenon and I often see that gay guys (especially as couples or groups) will have a single straight woman as a very close friend. I notice it a lot in the 30-40 year old age bracket.

You don’t tend to see the same kind of thing in reverse with a bunch of mates having a tag along single lesbian friend.

I’m wondering just how common this kind of thing is on other places and what people think is going on. Is it an example of different genders actually just accepting and liking each other as people or are these women just more comfortable with men where there is no potential sexual subtext?

Or are gay guys just cooler and more fun to hang out with than straight men? Is that cool factor more desireable for some women than getting an actual boyfriend?

Definitely interested on hearing from gay guys who have such a female friend or women who really prefer hanging out with gay guys.
 
PattiSmythe said:
I'm a lesbian and find gay men to be a bit hostile to me.. definitely don't want to be good friends. Keep trying to make me put make up on or pretty clothes...
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I’ve noticed quite a bit of hostility to lesbians amongst some gay men. Particularly older ones. I could never understand why.
 
ageingpartyfiend said:
It's such a common scenario

I'm wondering if pheramones may play a part - very powerful, kinda like external hormones
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It's sex hormones that play a part imo. Progesterone and Estrogen for women, and Testosterone and DHT for men.

At least with heterosexual people anyways. During their peak fertility phase, women are more attracted to men with higher androgen levels. Not sure how it works in the LGBT community. But I think it's similar.
 
ibtisam midlet said:
might be because gays are more cute? and don't have that awful bad boy experience
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I'm cute! Perfectly likeable...at least most of the time, I'm just not very girly. I think it's because they are attracted to guys, so are straight women, lesbians are just too much girl with no common sexual ground. It's a shame, actually...
 
Oddly enough, I just did the opposite last night. Was the sole man in a group of 5-6 lesbians and bisexual women. Am bisexual myself for reference

i discussed polyamory and pansexuality with one of them - idk what to make of that. I’ve spent a lot of time contemplating polyamory myself but have honestly never met someone who identifies as pan
 
I like male company - but tend to have straight male friends. Gay guys are just not interested in being friends, worse it gets hostile sadly. Im solely attracted to cis women...which also gets me in trouble. It's just the way my sexuality works.
 
Trying to be fair as possible, I find gay guys to tend to be dismissive towards lesbians, hostile - especially over looks and clothes 'ugly. Dyke. Commenting on body shape. That kind of thing, and it gets to the point where it's impossible to be friends. Also I'm sick of being told by gay guys that I should do girldick. Not interested. My sexuality is not offensive. Im kinda soft butch, I tend to find feminine women most attractive. I'm not trans, not non binary, just an old fashioned kinda butch lesbian.
 
Yep gay men are constantly dismissive of LGBT folks that aren’t cis pure homosexual men

I get called a whore for swinging both ways.. so I feel ya
 
Really! The fact I'm not a gold star lesbian gets me scorn from some other gay women, it took me a while to realize I was gay not bi. I think society expected me to be straight and I tried so hard to be straight, even though I hated sex with dudes. Im sorry to hear you aren't accepted. Filters out the bad ones though!
 
I’m accepted by the ones who matter to me, all I could ask for

i struggled with the bi/gay thing too. Sort of the opposite problem in that I became convinced I was in a phase and I would eventually drop the bi label in favor of gay. hasn’t happened yet.. don’t think it’s gonna!
 
Best of both worlds! I'm glad you have good friends. I struggle to find women I want to date. I've a terrible crush on a straight woman right now. She's gorgeous and affectionate and amazing. I'm totally in love....kinda hoping she might be curious at least. I really should have grown out of falling for straight girls.
 
Nah happens to the best of us 😂

straight men can be the bane of my existence, they don’t realize the torment they inflict when flirting

I’m not in a place where I can settle into a relationship anyways so any potential partners have to be ok with shoddy commitment from me - which, yes, is not ideal
 
Straight men flirt with you! Meanies!!! Ah, I'm going to let myself hope, greenhand, maybe I might get lucky. It is tormenting though, isn't it. I really wish all the lesbian bars hadn't closed down. They are all gone. Not fair. Ild hang out with you anytime, you are cool!
 
With time, enough luck is created

My city only has one dedicated lesbian bar. We normally all go to a general queer night club. dance is the universal language

I’m really crossfaded so bedtime for me here, a pleasure meeting you
 
Nobody has stated the obvious. The women can socialize with men, and know that their gay male friends are not going to try to pick them up, seriously flirt with them, try to have sex with them, or if they get too fucked up on alcohol, weed, pills or whatever none of their gay friends will date rape them, take advantage of them, etc.

There is also a very long tradition of gay/homosexual men having super close platonic and almost so close platonic loving as though they are siblings with heterosexual women known as fag hags, or fruit flies. They both will check out and perv on guys, and if the other man is bisexual sometimes he will have sex with them together or seperately or date both of them.
 
Yeah it’s pretty normal. I honestly think that (as @Perforated mentioned) in the 30-40 bracket maybe the issues that are at hand in life and the maturity level between gay men and single straight women are similar? Then it’s just good to have an honest to god friend as well, which when we’re so fucking obviously jaded and “done” with it all we need, haha, so I don’t know.

There’s another line of thought in this thread I noticed. I do realize that there is a lot of exclusivity in gay men, even in our own demographic with all the tribes and all this bullshit, but yeah I do not get gay men who thing the entire acronym is G and forget the rest. What the fuck is wrong with a lesbian or someone who is trans or identifies as a “they” or anything like that? I don’t know man. I’m nowhere near being completely educated all the issues let alone people’s personal experience except where I’ve had the privilege to be told things, but it’s kinda shitty that gay men are so intensely tribalistic, youth oriented, fucking conceited, whatever. There is a deeper reason seeded in historic repression which still reflects in generations today and so on, and then it’s just how men actually kind of are in general really. But it sucks.

There is never going to be a perfect acceptance of any group or anything in the world, particularly your personal flair on it. He best thing to aim for is to find out who your real friends are by being a little honest and real. Maybe that’s why the gay man and the straight woman get along fairly often is because they are kind of in a context automatically where that can more easily happen.
 
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