Should you help a married man with a career come out of the closet?

[Emma2373]

I'll type details later, rn my hands are numb. Plus it'd be good to hear people's input before biasing it with details of a specific scenario.

I'll give the very basics though. Basically, if someone's been married for over 20 years and has children along with an established career, would it be helpful?

Details that may sway your thoughts, feel free to respond for the scenario you imagined as well as this one. They are the first generation in their family to come to the US and come from a country where family is put first (a big reason they came, to provide for their family and start one of their own) and being gay is not only frowned upon but can also be seen as betraying your family: India.

I'm curious as to how this discussion will go xD

** I added the career part not because I think that should be a factor but for them and their culture it is.

 

[Foreigner]

By "help" do you mean outing them against their will?

I would only do that if they're a total homophobic scumbag that's also on the down low. Those people really deserve to be outed.

If he's just an average joe who doesn't have his sexuality and life situation quite figured out, why would you do it>

 

[Emma2373]

By "help" do you mean outing them against their will?

I would only do that if they're a total homophobic scumbag that's also on the down low. Those people really deserve to be outed.

If he's just an average joe who doesn't have his sexuality and life situation quite figured out, why would you do it>

No I don't mean that all. I'm not even sure how I would. I'm close with his son, and although his son is fine with the fact he's gay in himself he won't think about because it pains him knowing his own dad is probably not happy. He's found concrete proof multiple times and used to always joke (sometimes lightly sometimes in anger) that his dad was gay. Now he knows he wants to pretend he isn't. So I was wondering if it be helpful enough to be appropriate to encourage my friend to accept instead of hide from it, and in turn start small by complimenting his dad and basically just trying to increase his self esteem and feeling of being loved. I don't know if he would ever talk to his dad about the thing itself, but if he did it wouldn't be for at least a year. I was thinking more something along the lines of changing family dynamics for the better and raising his dad's self esteem so that when both kids are out (which won't be long) the idea of coming out or at least changing his lifestyle wouldn't seem like something unacceptable.

 

[Bearlove]

Why do you think that he needs help? Not all families and people are comfortable with being openly gay and would rather keep that as part of their life private in order not to hurt the people about them.

If he is not happy to come out, its for a reason that you probably can not understand.

You suddenly telling him that you all know he is gay could be more than he can cope with.

I would say keep out of his business.

 

[dopemaster]

It doesn't sound like your business.

Also I know some people that have had some problems due to coming out and if it pisses off his family this man could find himself very alone in the world.

I really think the last thing he needs is your help.

 

[pofacedhoe]

It doesn't sound like your business.

.

this

 

[mabzie55]

this

Yup.

That's their decision, not yours.

This person is obviously confused or something-- just let them figure it out (or not).
Not something you need to get involved with and break up a family over-- especially since you can't know if he even wants to come out, or is completely gay for that matter.

 

[baggerr]

I dont the point of "coming out" like its some big life announcement. Because friends & family are going to react differently good and bad to this information, some relationships will end or be strained, you will be judged no matter what, as far as society goes it can only hurt you by the negative reactions and judgments you'll get from friends, family and most importantly your work. I see it as why do they need to know? The people that support the person and accept it has no positive contribution, meaning it doesnt fix or make anything better, its the negative responses that will have the effect.
If you're married and are gay and want a divorce, get one, why doesnt need to be revealed to anyone and everyone likes its a breaking news story on the 5 oclock news. I'm tired of the bitch is plenty sufficient and no one will question it lol
If you want to go skipping down the street hand in hand, well, you're on your own.
I'm a whatever floats your boat, as long as you're not hurting someone or something go for it But "coming out" can only have negative results because People are going to judge and stereotype you, its just how it is and it isnt going to change any time soon, no matter how many gay parades they have.
I also understand for the person to get "out from the closet" is sometimes a weight lifted and relief, it still doesnt need to be an announcement with invitations and RSVPs for the party

 

[Emma2373]

? i cant post? watch this one posst. just watch it. watch em all have posted. I apologize if this posted and yall are like wtf but you gotta understand I wrote two replies I'm not writing a third till I gifure out how to post!

 

[Emma2373]

QAHAHHAHAHAHAHH. I feel so stupid.

Anyways...
I'll add more details but two failed attempts later I'm feeling pretty defeated.

The goal isn't for everyone (or anyone) to know he's gay but more so for him to not hate himself so much that he's taking dangerous hormones and chemicals and also telling my friend who I would say is schizophrenic if I didn't think they might actually be being fucked with by actual, errm, things that he's a piece of shit and sometimes even going as far as to tell him he needs to die. Plus you know a families dysfunctional when in a hypothetical selling crack would be more wholesome than watching TV with a girl with dirty fingernails.

Forget the whole coming out thing. I can see how that could skew what I'm trying to convey with what's interpreted hahaha.

 

[Bearlove]

I'm lost now 8(

If your looking for advice or opinions on a certain scenario, your going to have to explain what that scenario is.

Some families will not accept a person being gay, for some people living a life of personal hell / self hatred just to keep their family happy is a price they are willing to pay.

The shame of being gay and perhaps being deemed a failure in their families eyes is enough to have them live with their demons. He is trying desperately to hide this part of his life from everyone so he may not be comfortable with the idea himself.