Short-term benzo abuse, HUGE doses. To taper or not?

[ben10alien]

So for about a month I've been on a bit of a benzo binge, I've somehow managed to get through about 60mg of alprazolam and 250mg of temazepam in that time.

At the start of the month I was taking a few here and there for about a week, then I probably didn't take any for about a week. The last two weeks is where I really fucked up, about 2 weeks ago I took 200mg of temazepam in a day (that was the last time I took temazepam), a week ago I took about 18mg of alprazolam in a day, and 2 days ago I had another maybe 16mg of alprazolam in a single day. The days in between for the past 2 weeks I have had a couple of alprazolam most days, maybe 2-6mg per day. I also had modafinil which is how I managed to take such high doses without passing out or anything.

So yesterday I had 1mg of alprazolam in the morning and was feeling withdrawals by night, today I've had none and I have a single 1ml alprazolam pill left but I have no desire to take it if I can get away with it because I just want this nightmare I've created to be over with already.

I'm not curled up in a ball dying or anything, I even forced myself to go to the gym this morning. But I feel like absolute shit. I feel shakey, nauseous and my anxiety is through the roof. I've been monitoring my heart rate and it's pretty normal at about 70 beats per minute. I'm willing to push through it and never look at a fucking benzo again in my life but I don't know if I should be somewhat tapering due to the monster doses I took? Most of the advice I've found on the internet says not to bother with tapering off of short term use, however I can't seem to find much info regarding anyone who took doses as high as what I did (congratulations, me).

I've abused Valium a little before, but never even close to the point of addiction, and not for years. I'm pretty physically healthy (mentally I'm an anxious mess- hence why I guess I got so carried away with the benzos), I don't really do any other drugs anymore other than drink occasionally. I'm about 58 kilos and 5'5ish.

Help please. I'd rather avoid the doctors if possible as I'm embarrassed at what I've done and don't want to have to admit the extent of it to my boyfriend. But I'd rather go to the doctors than have a seizure or something.

Save the comments telling me what an idiot I am please. I'm well aware. Live and learn.

Thanks in advance

 

[delphinen]

I think most people here -and everywhere- will tell you that what you did is a lot, too much, and you could die; I will tell you that for 2 to 5 years I abused Bromazepam, Alprazolam, Clonazepam and even sometimes Flunitrazepam (or "roofies"), I would do 20mg Bromazepam, 15mg Clonazepam and 10mg Alprazolam every day, with some other drugs (Tramadol, Codeine, Pregabalin, Modafinil, etc. I mean downers and uppers). I was living totally "free" of fear during the day and was able to sleep really well every night. I was the top at my job (programming and system administrator), and honestly, never had a problem of concentration. I even did high doses of Diphenhydramine sometimes, and the music sounded incredible.
I'm just telling you this because most people becomes super afraid and can't believe a person can take such high doses of benzodiazepines.

3 years after, I'm jobless and almost broke, but I am only doing the drugs my docs gives me, which are 200mg Pregabalin, 100mg Venlafaxine, and:
4mg-6mg Clonazepam per day the first months
5mg Lorazepam some time after it
2.5mg Lorazepam the last year
30mg Diazepam the last months

I was able to "leave" all drugs without ANY problem, except benzodiazepines. I had 2 seizure (a small and a huge one) in the last years because I was not taking my meds correctly.
My advice is, if you don't want to go to any doctor, taper your benzo doses and stay very active. Try to eat a lot. Buy some Gabapentin to taper with your benzos (a lower potent and safer Pregabalin); with low doses of Gabapentin to stimulate your appetite, tapering your doses of benzos (switch to Lorazepam and after some weeks to Diazepam), you will have no problem during the day, HOWEVER you will notice how much difficult is to sleep; that's why you have to stay ACTIVE, buy some Diphenhydramine and/or Melatonin to help you sleep.

Don't toy with benzos, I know how good it feels, but believe me, you don't want to become hooked to them.

 

[Tes1021]

You haven't been using a long time but the drugs are in your system, if I were you I would taper down. Going from a high dose to low can result in seizures. Ofcoarse there is all the other crap like irritability, increased tension and anxiety, panic attacks, hand tremor, sweating, difficulty with concentration, confusion and cognitive difficulty, memory problems, dry retching and nausea, weight loss, palpitations, headache, muscular pain and stiffness.......I would take 2 weeks or 20 days slowly get down to nothing.