MyDoorsAreOpen
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2003
- Messages
- 8,549
First of all, a disclaimer: No, I have not taken The Red Pill. And have no intention of ever taking it. If you've taken TRP and have no regrets, bully for you. I understand its appeal, and will admit that there was definitely a time in my days as an angry young nerd when I might have taken it. I don't think this would have turned out well for me, though. TRP is an intriguing cultural movement even if you find it repulsive, and I think its emergence as a way of conceptualizing male-female interactions deserves a serious look, as long as you also read the counterarguments. There are some pearls of wisdom to be had, even for men (like myself) who ultimately reject it as a way of relating to women.
One concept that I took away from my brief journey into the Manosphere this past year was the Shit Test. I wish I'd learned about this concept a long time ago. I'm amazed there isn't a more genteel term for it; I talked to a couple of family friends with a background in psychology, and none of them could come up with one. It's certainly not something my parents or their generation ever taught me about, but something I definitely want to teach my kids about at the right time. I gather that passing shit tests is just one of those social skills you're supposed to pick up "in the wild", as it were. I never did. I've failed most that have come my way. I wish I'd known a long time ago why I kept falling to the bottom of social hierarchies, especially among people-smarter and more asshole-ish crowds.
A shit test is when when somebody says something purposely provocative or offensive to a new person they meet. It's crossing someone's line, just a little bit, but unambiguously. It's done to see how the person will react. There is only really one way to pass it: you have to respond in kind, in a calm and clever way that shows you're not at all fazed, and can give as good as you get. You get angry, you fail. You take what they say seriously and fail to recognize you're being tested, you fail. You look nervous and put-on-the-spot, and can't come up with a reply, you fail. And if you fail somebody's shit test, you've got a hard road ahead of you if you ever want that person's respect.
Shit testing often comes up in the context of men hitting on women, as something they should be ready for. If you hit on a chick, and she shit tests you, you've lost any shot with her if you fail that test. Fair enough. The other side of the story though, is that there are many girls who don't do this, to guys who hit on them or anyone for that matter, and it's worth asking yourself whether someone who's willing to deliberately piss you off is really someone you care to keep any company with. The woman I married never shit tested me. She still doesn't, to me or to anyone. She's never asked me for a license to be bitchy, sarcastic, provocative, or dramatic. And I love her for this, among many other reasons.
Shit testing is not limited to sexual or romantic interactions, though. The setting where I've encountered it most, to be honest, is all male workplaces. The consequences of failing one are just as damning. Getting threatened as a newcomer to a rough neighborhood is another example of a shit test. As with my romantic and family life, I've found social circles where shit testing is not the done thing, and that's where I tend to gravitate. I've made peace with the fact that I'm highly sensitive, and highly sensitive are exactly the type of person shit tests are meant to filter out. When someone shit tests me, that's usually a sign that this is somebody I'm better off keeping my distance from.
Any thoughts or experiences to share on this phenomenon? Is shit testing something you do to people you meet, or not? Why or why not? If this is just not something you do or accept from other people, have you found a way to respond to shit tests in a way that's dignified and completely "you", but lets the other person know in no uncertain terms "I don't play that game. Knock it off."?
One concept that I took away from my brief journey into the Manosphere this past year was the Shit Test. I wish I'd learned about this concept a long time ago. I'm amazed there isn't a more genteel term for it; I talked to a couple of family friends with a background in psychology, and none of them could come up with one. It's certainly not something my parents or their generation ever taught me about, but something I definitely want to teach my kids about at the right time. I gather that passing shit tests is just one of those social skills you're supposed to pick up "in the wild", as it were. I never did. I've failed most that have come my way. I wish I'd known a long time ago why I kept falling to the bottom of social hierarchies, especially among people-smarter and more asshole-ish crowds.
A shit test is when when somebody says something purposely provocative or offensive to a new person they meet. It's crossing someone's line, just a little bit, but unambiguously. It's done to see how the person will react. There is only really one way to pass it: you have to respond in kind, in a calm and clever way that shows you're not at all fazed, and can give as good as you get. You get angry, you fail. You take what they say seriously and fail to recognize you're being tested, you fail. You look nervous and put-on-the-spot, and can't come up with a reply, you fail. And if you fail somebody's shit test, you've got a hard road ahead of you if you ever want that person's respect.
Shit testing often comes up in the context of men hitting on women, as something they should be ready for. If you hit on a chick, and she shit tests you, you've lost any shot with her if you fail that test. Fair enough. The other side of the story though, is that there are many girls who don't do this, to guys who hit on them or anyone for that matter, and it's worth asking yourself whether someone who's willing to deliberately piss you off is really someone you care to keep any company with. The woman I married never shit tested me. She still doesn't, to me or to anyone. She's never asked me for a license to be bitchy, sarcastic, provocative, or dramatic. And I love her for this, among many other reasons.
Shit testing is not limited to sexual or romantic interactions, though. The setting where I've encountered it most, to be honest, is all male workplaces. The consequences of failing one are just as damning. Getting threatened as a newcomer to a rough neighborhood is another example of a shit test. As with my romantic and family life, I've found social circles where shit testing is not the done thing, and that's where I tend to gravitate. I've made peace with the fact that I'm highly sensitive, and highly sensitive are exactly the type of person shit tests are meant to filter out. When someone shit tests me, that's usually a sign that this is somebody I'm better off keeping my distance from.
Any thoughts or experiences to share on this phenomenon? Is shit testing something you do to people you meet, or not? Why or why not? If this is just not something you do or accept from other people, have you found a way to respond to shit tests in a way that's dignified and completely "you", but lets the other person know in no uncertain terms "I don't play that game. Knock it off."?
