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sexual activities with close straight friend on MDMA

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raver77

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Joined
Mar 6, 2016
Messages
1
A bit of history, we have been very close friends and have had brotherish relationship for almost 6 years. I am now 30 and he is 24. In the past, I was in love with him and actually told him that, but he turned me down, telling me he was straight, and even though he loved me too, he simply could not love me in the way I wanted him to. He dated a girl during the time, broke up with her, became a born-again Christian and remained single (and according to him celibate) since then (and that was 4 years ago when he was 20). Despite frequent fights between us, we remained very close and I have eventually moved on, relocated to another state to work and gone on several dates since.

Fast forward until last week, I had not seen him for over a year before that, but we kept in touch via occasional texts and phone calls. Anyway, Last week we caught up, and on Saturday we decided to have a home roll, we had a bit to drink and took some MDMA (it was his first time). And we ended up engaging in sexual activities, stopped short at penetrative sex, although, at the risk of being too graphic - and I am sorry for being so, we did everything else in between, including analingus, and he enjoyed everything thoroughly. He also got quite emotional said that he has loved me for a long time but that we aren't supposed to be doing this because it is against his religion, and his friends at church and parents would not accept this. He also said that he was gonna marry me and that would be perfect (the reason why he didn't wanna have penetrative sex is because he wanted save it for our marriage to make it special - yet that didn't stop him from enjoying having his arse played with) He also thanked me for being so understanding and patient with him, and have always been there for him when nobody was, and realized that nobody ever loved him like I did.

Anyway, when the comedown came, he said we weren't supposed to be doing what we did and that we have ruined everything, he since has left without replying to my messages or calls, and that was 2 days ago. Now I know that alcohol makes people horny and lowers their inhibitions, and MDMA makes us more emotionally open and enables us to easily express our thoughts and feelings. I know emotions and feelings are intensified and exaggerated and that's why he said what he said, I also know that he couldn't have said all those things, and more important, engaged in and enjoyed all those things with me if the true feelings weren't there in the first place. To be honest, I thought I was just gonna have some good time catching up with him, but I got caught by surprise how it turned out.

I am giving him some time to absorb what happened, and told him when he is ready to talk, I will be there. I understand he must be having emotional conflicts, mixed with shame and guilt due to his religious teaching. I am a bit confused as what I should do next ? With what happened, i am still wondering if the mixture of alcohol and MDMA could actually turn a straight man gay. Making out is one thing, but blowjobs and anal play are a horse of different color, and his confession of love for me as well. I wonder if MDMA could do all this, my own experience is that MDMA does not create something that is NOT already there, although I am conservative with my own experience for the risk of being biased.

Anyway, I hope you guys, straight gay and everything in between, especially those who have experience with this kinda thing can shed some light. Is he gay, straight, bisexual ? He certainly seemed to think so, he said so, even after we did, is this just denial ? And what should I do now ? Wait and see ?

Thank you for any input :)
 
Eh, that's a tough pickle! He's gay or bi and is afraid to face it/come out. There's really nothing you can do. You're told him your feelings and extended a branch out for a relationship. It's up to him to choose that path. :/ & no, MDMA doesn't change someone's sexuality, just makes them feel more comfortable to be themselves, lowers walls, but if nothing's behind the walls, nothing would come out.
 
Good post Pretty Diamonds, pretty much sums it up :)

The only thing that I can add is that 'some' people will use drugs as almost an excuse to do something that they want to do but wouldn't sober. It's not really just lowering there inhibitions as such but it's a great excuse for some people (wasn't me it was the drugs etc).

If he is fighting in himself with what feels right and what his other friends and family accept as right then this may have been a way of expressing himself without the 'guilt' associated with messing about with you sober. (this is not a reflection on you or how he feels about you).

I don't think it matters how far you went with the person, it's how comfortable he feels when sober.

You have to wait and see I'm afraid, forcing the subject may just push him further away. You could always say that things moved a bit too quickly for you, if he wanted you could maybe start over again slowly (sober) have a few 'dates' not involving sex and see if there is a spark.
 
Yeah. There is this huge barrier against homosexuality in society. So much shame. I think people judge themselves more harshly than others do although as I have experienced recently people are shitty and cruel and people are right to fear being identified as gay or bisexual. This is going to cause him a lot of turmoil especially since he has found religion, it's going to be a struggle if he doesn't either let that piece go or find a gay christian group which do exist. I had a gay experience with a straight friend, I don't doubt that he is straight either. MDMA can have people try homosexuality just out of pure curiosity and having no inhibitions and just the pure physical euphoria of being on an entactogen and wanting to be touched and experience the bliss of intimacy, the warmth of another human being. There is nothing wrong with it and we all probably have a gay thought or two in our lifetimes.

Hopefully he can let go of his shame and embrace what he truly desires. I hope he doesn't let it torture himself for too long. Judging by how far you two went he is in denial and it's a hard pill to swallow. People use their sexual preferance by which to form their identities and that is a massive schism to their very idea of who they are, could cause an existential crisis. Give him time and support. People have been pretty much bullying me calling me a faggot and a bunch of other things, telling everyone I Know that I'm gay and in denial but I am comfortable and secure in who I am and what exactly I like.
 
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repressed to the max. hence becoming a born again Christian after breaking up with a girl and then not having sex since.

this guy doesn't know his head from his ass and is certainly not honest even with himself.

he's a mess and probably wont do you any good but for sure you will now have him on your mind.

what else can i say? look for someone who loves themselves warts and all for those who do not love themselves can never truly love another
 
Been in a couple of those situations, and could have, but never did for the sake of friendship... Looking back, and now that those friendships are over, (relocation), gotta ask why not... One particular friend and I came very close...
 
There was probably some speed in the roll. Which usually makes ppl a lil more open sexually compared to sober. I wouldn't put much weight into what happened while drunk rolling and prolly speeding. Esp considering the guilt he felt afterwards good luck tho
 
raver77 said:
A bit of history, we have been very close friends and have had brotherish relationship for almost 6 years. I am now 30 and he is 24. In the past, I was in love with him and actually told him that, but he turned me down, telling me he was straight, and even though he loved me too, he simply could not love me in the way I wanted him to. He dated a girl during the time, broke up with her, became a born-again Christian and remained single (and according to him celibate) since then (and that was 4 years ago when he was 20). Despite frequent fights between us, we remained very close and I have eventually moved on, relocated to another state to work and gone on several dates since.

Fast forward until last week, I had not seen him for over a year before that, but we kept in touch via occasional texts and phone calls. Anyway, Last week we caught up, and on Saturday we decided to have a home roll, we had a bit to drink and took some MDMA (it was his first time). And we ended up engaging in sexual activities, stopped short at penetrative sex, although, at the risk of being too graphic - and I am sorry for being so, we did everything else in between, including analingus, and he enjoyed everything thoroughly. He also got quite emotional said that he has loved me for a long time but that we aren't supposed to be doing this because it is against his religion, and his friends at church and parents would not accept this. He also said that he was gonna marry me and that would be perfect (the reason why he didn't wanna have penetrative sex is because he wanted save it for our marriage to make it special - yet that didn't stop him from enjoying having his arse played with) He also thanked me for being so understanding and patient with him, and have always been there for him when nobody was, and realized that nobody ever loved him like I did.

Anyway, when the comedown came, he said we weren't supposed to be doing what we did and that we have ruined everything, he since has left without replying to my messages or calls, and that was 2 days ago. Now I know that alcohol makes people horny and lowers their inhibitions, and MDMA makes us more emotionally open and enables us to easily express our thoughts and feelings. I know emotions and feelings are intensified and exaggerated and that's why he said what he said, I also know that he couldn't have said all those things, and more important, engaged in and enjoyed all those things with me if the true feelings weren't there in the first place. To be honest, I thought I was just gonna have some good time catching up with him, but I got caught by surprise how it turned out.

I am giving him some time to absorb what happened, and told him when he is ready to talk, I will be there. I understand he must be having emotional conflicts, mixed with shame and guilt due to his religious teaching. I am a bit confused as what I should do next ? With what happened, i am still wondering if the mixture of alcohol and MDMA could actually turn a straight man gay. Making out is one thing, but blowjobs and anal play are a horse of different color, and his confession of love for me as well. I wonder if MDMA could do all this, my own experience is that MDMA does not create something that is NOT already there, although I am conservative with my own experience for the risk of being biased.

Anyway, I hope you guys, straight gay and everything in between, especially those who have experience with this kinda thing can shed some light. Is he gay, straight, bisexual ? He certainly seemed to think so, he said so, even after we did, is this just denial ? And what should I do now ? Wait and see ?

Thank you for any input :)
Click to expand...

This reminds me of my own situation years ago. Almost the same things happened, we fooled around while high and then few times after that and I did have penetrative sex with him. It would have gone on a lot longer if I hadnt been too impatient and my big mouth started telling everyone about our relationship which at the end pushed him away from me
So, I'd say just let him be, if he is yours then he will come back because it seems that he does love you. Let him come to term with what happened and with his new identity. Being Christian and gay is extremely difficult (I think). So yeh, just be patient and continue loving him like you always have
 
I would like to try this kind of sexual activities to my friends or my hobby bestfriend. Im so Horny..
 
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I can only echo what everybody else said. He is evidently gay and repressed, hence the born again christian/celibacy stuff. And the homosexual sex.

my own experience is that MDMA does not create something that is NOT already there
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Well said, this is also my experience of MDMA. MDMA makes me feel intense love and empathy towards my male friends, but I wouldn't shag them because I'm not remotely attracted to men, and no degree of empathy will change that.

Fuck knows how you're meant to approach this now though. I guess just be supportive and there for him, if he can bring himself to approach you.
 
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One thing is for sure, you cant make his choices for him. If he views that experience as a one time drug induced evening, thats what it is to him. You cant change that.
 
pandora box reclosed- he got too much to lose.

maybe he does have those feelings but MDMA can make you get lost in a fantasy then when it wears off ur like oh hey reality back to the grind and all my pre-existing behaviours (repression being one in this case)
 
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