Sex in public

[Foreigner]

I have to focus on this last bit to make a point known. Your partner seems/seemed to have an interesting idea and I think it goes without say that it makes for excellent discussion.

However, I've noticed throughout every other bit you said, I couldn't help but read between the lines - and not for sake of taking things out of context, but -because I was reminded of a dark empath I knew who always made it a point to make his sexual endeavors a public thing- I was under the assumption that certain people would prefer sex to be public for the wrong reasons. It seems to me certain troglodytes would prefer to have their normal life underground and their sexual life to be an exposé.

I guess in a way I feel like sex is kind of like a play, musical, or artistic performance for some and others who are antisocial seem to use it as a weapon of sorts...

He ended up being a narcissist. Maybe not a full blown, DSM-5 one, but definitely high on the spectrum. In hindsight I think I was considering his POV because he was gaslighting the fuck out of me. Things that were very abnormal between us he would try to rationalize as normal or my fault. The sex thing was part of that. He had poor sexual boundaries and low empathy so it never occurred to him how triggering seeing people having sex in public might be. Saying "Imagine a world where everyone's sexual trauma is healed" is passing the buck. It's not about sexual trauma in one's past, it's about healthy boundaries now so that you don't create new trauma going forward. If someone can develop PTSD from just witnessing violence, then they can develop PTSD from witnessing a sex act. There's plenty of research evidence on how sexual imagery (i.e. porn) affects people's minds over time, even if they are well intending individuals. If someone wants to expose themselves to that imagery then that's fine, they are consenting to it. If sex were everywhere in public, the consent process would be non-existent. That's why consents are so important. Sex and violence, while different, share a similar level of consent category because of how their acts affect human psychology. Asking me to imagine a world where people have no sexual hangups is like saying imagine a world where human psychology isn't human psychology.

He was fucked in the head. He tried to say we were in an "open relationship" but it was not ethical non-monogamy. He did whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, and told me my concerns as his "partner" were irrelevant. He was also a flaming exhibitionist. Constantly on webcam with as many people as humanly possible. His ego was massive yet fragile and he was empty inside, so he just filled the void with sex and drugs. But don't you dare ever tell him that he's an addict or he'll hold you hostage for hours until you apologize.

It's amazing coming back to this thread now almost 2 years later, seeing the difference in clarity in myself. I haven't had contact with him in over a year and my answers to my own OP question are super clear now. Anyone who thinks sex in public as a legal policy is desirable is fucked somehow. Exhibitionists who get away with it discreetly are fine, I have no problem with that. But I mean... a society where public sex is the norm would not thrive. There's a reason why it's taboo everywhere. Sexual imagery affects people on a deep, primal level and is intertwined with so many other factors, like their family of origin, how they were raised, body image, self-perception, etc. It's not all just about "trauma"... not everyone's values and personalities are compatible with sex in public. I would say most aren't. It's unethical to think that society would ever be ready for that, and only an unethical person with poor boundaries would think it's a good idea.

 

[Hex13]

I fucked a gutter punk chick on the sidewalk in lower eastside manhatten several times. 1000's of people walking by like it was completely normal.

 

[fastandbulbous]

He ended up being a narcissist. Maybe not a full blown, DSM-5 one, but definitely high on the spectrum. In hindsight I think I was considering his POV because he was gaslighting the fuck out of me. Things that were very abnormal between us he would try to rationalize as normal or my fault. The sex thing was part of that. He had poor sexual boundaries and low empathy so it never occurred to him how triggering seeing people having sex in public might be. Saying "Imagine a world where everyone's sexual trauma is healed" is passing the buck. It's not about sexual trauma in one's past, it's about healthy boundaries now so that you don't create new trauma going forward. If someone can develop PTSD from just witnessing violence, then they can develop PTSD from witnessing a sex act. There's plenty of research evidence on how sexual imagery (i.e. porn) affects people's minds over time, even if they are well intending individuals. If someone wants to expose themselves to that imagery then that's fine, they are consenting to it. If sex were everywhere in public, the consent process would be non-existent. That's why consents are so important. Sex and violence, while different, share a similar level of consent category because of how their acts affect human psychology. Asking me to imagine a world where people have no sexual hangups is like saying imagine a world where human psychology isn't human psychology.

He was fucked in the head. He tried to say we were in an "open relationship" but it was not ethical non-monogamy. He did whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, and told me my concerns as his "partner" were irrelevant. He was also a flaming exhibitionist. Constantly on webcam with as many people as humanly possible. His ego was massive yet fragile and he was empty inside, so he just filled the void with sex and drugs. But don't you dare ever tell him that he's an addict or he'll hold you hostage for hours until you apologize.

It's amazing coming back to this thread now almost 2 years later, seeing the difference in clarity in myself. I haven't had contact with him in over a year and my answers to my own OP question are super clear now. Anyone who thinks sex in public as a legal policy is desirable is fucked somehow. Exhibitionists who get away with it discreetly are fine, I have no problem with that. But I mean... a society where public sex is the norm would not thrive. There's a reason why it's taboo everywhere. Sexual imagery affects people on a deep, primal level and is intertwined with so many other factors, like their family of origin, how they were raised, body image, self-perception, etc. It's not all just about "trauma"... not everyone's values and personalities are compatible with sex in public. I would say most aren't. It's unethical to think that society would ever be ready for that, and only an unethical person with poor boundaries would think it's a good idea.

Yeah, my wife sort of encouraged any exhibitionist tendancies in me, but anything public was somewhere where it was expected (our episode at a known dogging site, car doors locked, where no fucker turned up, or at a rock club, notorious for public shagging taking place). Doing it somewhere where onlookers wouldn't be expecting it, at all, was a non starter (besides, imagine the headlines generated by two ex schoolteachers being caught in flagrante, especially two drug addled ex school teachers!)

 

[Foreigner]

Yeah, my wife sort of encouraged any exhibitionist tendancies in me, but anything public was somewhere where it was expected (our episode at a known dogging site, car doors locked, where no fucker turned up, or at a rock club, notorious for public shagging taking place). Doing it somewhere where onlookers wouldn't be expecting it, at all, was a non starter (besides, imagine the headlines generated by two ex schoolteachers being caught in flagrante, especially two drug addled ex school teachers!)

Most exhibitionists would actually be mortified if they got caught, but the risk is what makes it sexy. I think that's different than saying the whole world should just be a sexpalooza.

 

[Mjäll]

"Sex in pubic"

I was like yeah

Ok sorry

 

[Mjäll]

He ended up being a narcissist. Maybe not a full blown, DSM-5 one, but definitely high on the spectrum. In hindsight I think I was considering his POV because he was gaslighting the fuck out of me. Things that were very abnormal between us he would try to rationalize as normal or my fault. The sex thing was part of that. He had poor sexual boundaries and low empathy so it never occurred to him how triggering seeing people having sex in public might be. Saying "Imagine a world where everyone's sexual trauma is healed" is passing the buck. It's not about sexual trauma in one's past, it's about healthy boundaries now so that you don't create new trauma going forward. If someone can develop PTSD from just witnessing violence, then they can develop PTSD from witnessing a sex act. There's plenty of research evidence on how sexual imagery (i.e. porn) affects people's minds over time, even if they are well intending individuals. If someone wants to expose themselves to that imagery then that's fine, they are consenting to it. If sex were everywhere in public, the consent process would be non-existent. That's why consents are so important. Sex and violence, while different, share a similar level of consent category because of how their acts affect human psychology. Asking me to imagine a world where people have no sexual hangups is like saying imagine a world where human psychology isn't human psychology.

He was fucked in the head. He tried to say we were in an "open relationship" but it was not ethical non-monogamy. He did whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, and told me my concerns as his "partner" were irrelevant. He was also a flaming exhibitionist. Constantly on webcam with as many people as humanly possible. His ego was massive yet fragile and he was empty inside, so he just filled the void with sex and drugs. But don't you dare ever tell him that he's an addict or he'll hold you hostage for hours until you apologize.

It's amazing coming back to this thread now almost 2 years later, seeing the difference in clarity in myself. I haven't had contact with him in over a year and my answers to my own OP question are super clear now. Anyone who thinks sex in public as a legal policy is desirable is fucked somehow. Exhibitionists who get away with it discreetly are fine, I have no problem with that. But I mean... a society where public sex is the norm would not thrive. There's a reason why it's taboo everywhere. Sexual imagery affects people on a deep, primal level and is intertwined with so many other factors, like their family of origin, how they were raised, body image, self-perception, etc. It's not all just about "trauma"... not everyone's values and personalities are compatible with sex in public. I would say most aren't. It's unethical to think that society would ever be ready for that, and only an unethical person with poor boundaries would think it's a good idea.

Your attitude is on point man. Truly a wise fellow. It will stick around i bet.

Take care.

Sorry for having no contribution to topic.

 

[fastandbulbous]

Most exhibitionists would actually be mortified if they got caught, but the risk is what makes it sexy. I think that's different than saying the whole world should just be a sexpalooza.

Got caught (well seen) at rock club venue. No feelings of regret etc. In fact, rather a funny memory (think person who saw us as just gobsmacked, rather than anything traumatic. If responses from people I talked to, most probably envy! )

 

[Foreigner]

Got caught (well seen) at rock club venue. No feelings of regret etc. In fact, rather a funny memory (think person who saw us as just gobsmacked, rather than anything traumatic. If responses from people I talked to, most probably envy! )

Somehow a rock club venue seems fitting, lol

 

[maoriwarrior]

I've fingered my ex in the back of a taxi while the driver tried to watch in the mirror. He dropped us at a swingers club where we had full sex in a room with others having sex & a couple of single guys jerking while watching.... Great fun!