I don't really know why I'm scared of doing it again.. I guess it's because of all the risks I've heard about MDMA such as fatalities. It might be the come-up aswell, because I get all dizzy and my stomach is pretty sensitive so that part doesen't really feel good either.. I need help sorting out my mind to the positive, cause I really wanna do this and at the same time I don't, it's fucked up haha, but it's probably all in my mind..
The 3-4 month break is no problem for me, since this is planned to be my last time for a loong while. (only done it once before)
Firstly, the fatalities are not a result of MDMA. Remember that, unfortunately, a pill/powder can be any drug and/or a combination of random chemicals which are dangerous (most notably PMMA). Just because the dealer says it is MDMA, it does not mean it is. If you buy a test kit, you can know what you're taking. When you're taking pure MDMA the chance of death is incredibly small (just as SR pointed out), so ensure that it is just MDMA with a test kit which can help ease the nerves (I know it does for me).
Secondly, if the comeup is bothering you then consider taking less. The only times I've had very uncomfortable comeups is on high doses. I also kind of expect some anxiety too, which helps me to accept it. It usually lasts like 5 minutes of which I'm then flying afterwards. You just have to endure 5 minutes of uneasiness which, for me, is a fair trade-off for the peak that follows. Try to tell yourself you're just coming up and it will be fine, then bang, you'll be there and wondering what you were ever worrying about.
Some things that helped me to stop worrying while rolling was A) overheating is actually extremely unlikely in the doses both you and I are taking (100-150mg), 1-2 bottles of water really is sufficient to stay optimally hydrated. If you're peeing lots of the comedown, you've drunk too much water. The importance of water really is overplayed, don't worry about it. If you've ever exercised heavily, then you've probably increased your body temperature above raving on moderate doses of MDMA. B) I always make sure I'm with one of my friends while coming up as it really helps to have a familiar face around when you feel a bit strange. Once i'm up I'm off socializing with anyone who will listen to me though! C) I like to have vitamins and 5-HTP available at home, just to act as a psychological safety net. If I feel bad, I can always take some 5-HTP and it should help me the next day. I always feel fine on the comedown, usually better in fact, but just having them there can ease comedown anxiety.
If you're really scared to do it, then don't do it! You don't have to and I'm sure you'd have lots of fun sober anyway. Perhaps wait until another time when you feel more comfortable?
