Tapering Scared enough to get straight

[Michelob88light]

Hey y’all 6 year opiate addict here and today’s the day I’ve decided to taper down enough from Heroin to make the jumó to sobriety. I live in a country where drugs are cheap and plentiful but my decisions have been terrible and I’m very close to being homeless at 45. This is after being very successful at 41 where I had a boat a plane and would take my wife and kids to Spain for the holidays. Now...I’d be lucky to take them to the park. I’ve pissed everything away, alienated my family from me, owe all my friends money and if I don’t get my shit together I’ll end up in a homeless shelter. So I’ve decided to keep a journal of my taper and eventual termination here for posterity’s sake and for some sort of accountability. Normally I medicate with 3-4 bags of Heron which is about 1 and half to two grams a 24 hour hour period. So starting tomorrow I intend to taper to 1.5 to 2 bags a day for the next 72 hours. Then reduce to 1-1.5 bags hopefully but we’ll see what happens before then. Best of luck to me
yes I know how solipsistic and self centred it is to start an entire thread dedicated to my taper but I’m hoping that this’ll keep me honest. Even though we all know that voice in the back of our head the second we feel any sickness coming is hard to resist.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Very best wishes to you I've been through it (not with H but other substances) several times myself so I know how hard it can be. You've got a lot to fight for so I hope when it gets really tough and you're feeling really sick, you remember all the good stuff you have waiting for you at the end. There are a lot of people here who have gone through exactly what you're going through so you are not alone. You can do this. Please keep us updated.

 

[Snafu in the Void]

Hey y’all 6 year opiate addict here and today’s the day I’ve decided to taper down enough from Heroin to make the jumó to sobriety. I live in a country where drugs are cheap and plentiful but my decisions have been terrible and I’m very close to being homeless at 45. This is after being very successful at 41 where I had a boat a plane and would take my wife and kids to Spain for the holidays. Now...I’d be lucky to take them to the park. I’ve pissed everything away, alienated my family from me, owe all my friends money and if I don’t get my shit together I’ll end up in a homeless shelter. So I’ve decided to keep a journal of my taper and eventual termination here for posterity’s sake and for some sort of accountability. Normally I medicate with 3-4 bags of Heron which is about 1 and half to two grams a 24 hour hour period. So starting tomorrow I intend to taper to 1.5 to 2 bags a day for the next 72 hours. Then reduce to 1-1.5 bags hopefully but we’ll see what happens before then. Best of luck to me
yes I know how solipsistic and self centred it is to start an entire thread dedicated to my taper but I’m hoping that this’ll keep me honest. Even though we all know that voice in the back of our head the second we feel any sickness coming is hard to resist.

Sir (I assume), I really want the best for you and I wish not to pry but want to know at least a little more about your situation. What county are you from may we ask?

I really do not wish to discourage you but tapering with heroin is a nearly impossible challenge of self will. I assume there is some form of medically assisted OUD therapy where you live.

I just really need to plea to you that your plan is admirable but a bit head strong and foolish. Do not take that as discouragement not to quit. We just need to look at things in a bit different light.

There might be so me super junkie out there that can taper their heroin to quit, but in my life I've never met one, or ever heard of one.

Let's talk other options. Not saying you have to quit, but tapering bags of H is probably not going to work out my friend. Just being very real with you.

 

[Fiori di Bella]

You mention enjoying holidays in Spain....Eres en un lugar donde personas hablan Español? Yo soy minutos al Norté de Tijuana, Mexico.
Cool if you don’t speak Spanish, I just thought you might.

 

[Fiori di Bella]

Hi Snafu, I’ll take 3-8 day breaks off Oxys nearly every month. Not because I’ve run out, but because I feel like I gain some strength in taking little Oxy holidays. I currently have not had an Oxy since Thursday and taking gabapentin + Vyvanse + Klonopin and some Charddie leaves me feeling fine. There is probably no truth to my assertion about gaining any actual strength; call it will power.

I’m probably going to spend time with a girl friend tomorrow so I will have a few Oxys (I won’t share cause she’s 10 years of the H) and I know we’ll be drinking those Irish Car Bombs I dig so much.

Hopefully we’ll go to The Waterfront, a cool bar where I met and started dating a submariner 12 years younger than me, just before hooking up with my ex, Bourbon Boy. The submariner was from Northern Maine, his accent was rad and we dated until he drove Northbound one night on the Southbound Highway 5. I’m grateful that the last thing he likely experienced were bright lights and then it was over. I have had luck meeting men there. Time to end this fucking dry spell.

 

[JessFR]

Welcome to bluelight!

I can... Half relate to where you're coming from. I mean there's certainly no planes, boats or kids in my background. But like you my heroin habit resulted in me destroying everything in my life. I did end up homeless eventually.

Id like to suggest something some of the others have mentioned. It's going to be extremely difficult to taper on heroin. I'm not saying it's impossible, I'm sure someone out there has done it.

But addiction has this way of fucking with us. We think we can do something but when the time comes we end up finding some reason, justification, or whatever, and ultimately it doesn't happen, we keep using.

I think it would be wise to consider what other options you might have. Such as opioid substitution therapy. Either in the form of maintenance or a controlled detox. Or maybe a rehab program?

Trying to do it yourself is gonna be extremely hard. It's gonna be hard regardless of what you do but what you're going for currently especially so.

I wish you luck. I hope you can get out of this horrible addiction. Ultimately mind ended up with a methadone maintenance program. It's far from perfect, but it's waaay better than how things were.

I hope you find something that works for you.

 

[Michelob88light]

Hey I totally get what you guys mean by it being an uphill battle tapering off of Heroin. In my experience heroin has been the least shitty out of all my kicks. This is the 1st time I’ve tried to taper off Heroin in a controlled manner soooooo we’ll see how it goes. I have been through withdrawal and kicked at least 13 times willingly from Dilaudid (the quickest but most intense withdrawal), Fentanyl amps, heron and oxys (the only successful and least painful kick, due to m being not as far in my addiction and able to taper off in a controlled setting . I have also been through a Suboxone assisted withdrawal which for me was the absolute worst. My fine motor skills were never the same after suboxone and the PAWS were enough to make me consider ending it. Oh no there is no way I would ever choose suboxone willingly again. As far as Methadone goes if I had that rough of a go from subs I don't think Methadone would be any better.
As far as where I'm located...aquí la idioma maternal es español si quieres responder me en uno de los dos it is ok by me. Economically speaking heroin is also the cheapest opiate here where a gram cost 11$ and a Bupe’ patch cost about 140$.
Progress report for day 1...I am 3 hours away from the end of the day and have consumed 2 and a half bags. So on the bright side there is progress although not where I’d like to be. For some reason that addict brain of mine forgot to remind me I was quitting today and did two bags right away after I copped. Why is it that when we are dope sick we fantasize about how much dope we are going to do to get better? Which is why I hate copping when I’m sick because I usually take double what I would normally do...which is what happened earlier and now I’m white knuckling it while looking at my Fitbit countdown the seconds to midnight when I am officially on a new day and my dose will count to that days amount which will mean that I successfully did less than my normal 3 bags. I hope this post is coherent lol..I am typing this while I review my kids math Homework with them. Thanks for the kind words and the support and I hope I answered any questions. If not I will probably notice and write another post when I am waiting for the clock to turn midnight.

 

[Bare_head]

hey, welcome to BL mate. Sounds as if your making the biggest step of all which is good to hear, sounds as if you have lived a very interesting life and its good to see you want to change and get better.

i have heard that bupe/methdone withdrawl to be pretty harsh but it would be much better if you could source something that you know the exact purity/ a stable purity source that you can begin to taper off.

Is the source your getting clean/ of a stable purity? like snuff the void do you not have any places you an go to get assistance with this thing? where in the world are you?



All the best

 

[Fiori di Bella]

No se donde tu eres, pero los drogas que hay en tu tierra estan muy fabuloso. Es facil entender por que tu tienes problema.
Yo tambien tengo un problema grande con los Oxys y Yo amo Dilaudid mucho!
Bueno Suerte con tus esfuerzos por renunciar!