Recovery Saying goodbye to that life for good

[Meth novice 79]

Hi all, where’s all my fave pretties at?
Still kicking and well I hope???

I met someone. He’s not a user, so been a good girl myself for few months trying to make the right first impression.

Of course the bad girl in me can’t help but rear her ugly head on occasion, mostly when I’m feeling vulnerable I notice.
Meths become my ‘hard hat’ somehow the last few years.
Don’t want to feel, meths the answer.
Bthen the inevitable ‘I hate myself,i hate this drug, and mostly myself on it’ hits
And I find myself back here, looking for my people.

HELP.

How do I stop ending up back here

 

[Jabberwocky]

Hey @Meth novice 79,

Good to see you back on BL. Here is still a good place even when you stop drugs.

Congratulations on finding someone. I know exactly what you are going through with the falling back on meth and then hating yourself for it. It took me 4 months of almost weekly relapses before I finally built up enough recovery momentum to leave it behind permanently. It's been about a month clean for me now except for smoking 1 point kind of accidentally the other day. Finally feeling like quitting had stuck took a whole combination of things including getting a whole new mindset regarding who I really am, re-establishing some important goals in life, quitting some psychiatric drugs, taking some other different psychiatric drugs, geting a hobby, getting a near olympic level exercise routine, and going to a couple of NA meetings just to help get thing started seriously plus one or two when I wavered in the first two weeks. The worst of was the first two weeks, after that I just kept feeling better and better espeically as I felt my intelligence and general cognitive abilities coming back online. People on BL were also really helpful and supportive, as they continue to be. I didn't consult my doctor or psychiatrist on recovery because they are both fucking hopeless. I'm happy to talk specifics if you are interested.

 

[sdxyln]

I bid farewell to Barleycorn and all the cancer sticks over two years ago. I realise that I have made a decision and I am sticking to the decision made come what may. I no longer romanticise the old lifestyle because I have abandoned it.