Ineedanswers2015
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2015
- Messages
- 86
Hello.
I am new to this site as far as posting, but I have been reading and learning so much helpful information. I thought that it would be a good time to post and ask for your help and advice, please?
I will not make this extremely long; because I’m sure anyone who has dealt with a meth addict will understand “most” of the situation/issues.
However, I will provide a brief background in order to get YOUR feedback on MY situation.
Honest feedback, please!
First and foremost, I am here for YOUR honest feedback.
Therefore, I would appreciate advice regardless of how hurtful or straightforward.
We understand when dealing with drug addicts (and caring too much for them) helpful words and actions are painful, but necessary for change and letting go.
I recently started seeing a 45 year old man, who is a welder, about three months ago. I just learned that he is addicted to meth. Now, he has distanced himself from me after I told that I knew.
Previous boyfriend who was a meth addict
Before this relationship, I had dated a meth addict for almost three years (2007-2010). Therefore, I am very well aware of the meth addiction and behaviors that go with it. Ultimately, this guy (2007-2010) moved out of state and began dating an old high school friend. Our relationship ended, and it hurt me deeply. I did not date for several years while I was healing and trying to regain MY life back. I finally regained myself and started to think about dating again.
Now, here we are 2015 with almost the exact same pattern BEFORE I even realized it.
My current situation and questions:
45 year old man – welder – divorced of 4 years – with 2 children (18 & 16 years old) from marriage.
He has not had a serious relationship since his divorce, and I am started to understand why.
We began seeing one another (mid-April 2015), and things were good in the beginning. Yet, he made it very clear that he did NOT want a serious relationship or girlfriend. He simply wanted, “a friend to hang out with.” I respected that.
I was hoping to have a friend as well to spend time with and maybe have some “fun” if it led to that later?
Here came the warning signs.
I was starting to learn this guy, so I was not aware of his normal behavior. But, some behaviors were starting to concern me, and then I finally figured out his hard core addiction to meth.
- He would not eat for days (claims he wanted to look good and slim for “the ladies”).
- He would complain about not sleeping (maybe 2-3 hours per night) (claims this became an issue when he began working night shift).
- He would constantly be working in the yard or in the house. He would never sit down and really talk or spend time with me (claims that he had to be busy and get things done).
- He would not get an erection like most men (claims he was not 25 years old anymore). This is where the largest warning sign came in, and his behavior was more aggressive than normal during sex. However, he would climax during oral sex, but not the other.
- He would sweat at all times.
- He would repeat things over and over.
- He blamed his behavior on the alcohol, but this was clearly not alcohol related (i.e. hyper activity, no eating, no sleeping, and not wanting sex).
- He would have nights where he would almost pass out mid sentence with a cigarette in his hand, which scared me tremendously.
- Last, he had frequent visits from known “meth addicts and dealers” in the area.
Now, let’s fast forward to May 28, 2015. At this point, I had been taking note and noticed all the signs pointing to meth use. He had been keeping his drug use under wraps rather well. Now, that I think about it, the signs were present. However, they became extremely worse around the end of May. I could no longer avoid this behavior and what was going on.
I had visited him 3 days in a row, and each day he was tweaking. I finally confronted him on May 28, and this is when ALL communication and interaction seemed to stop.
I could no longer hide the fact that I knew that he was using meth. He ADAMANTLY DENIED using any drugs, but, of course, he isn’t going to openly admit it with fear of losing his job, etc… At this point, he no longer wanted to see me anymore, yet, things were fine up until this point.
Grant it, I wanted more sex than he did, which makes me think this was the problem (because I wanted it all time)? Yet, he will “claim” that he enjoys it too? However, I don’t see any evidence of that, because I am always THE ONE begging and initiating sexual contact – ALWAYS!
I did see him once following the May28 incident. But, he only invited my over to “make sure” that I was aware that he was not a drug user and that behavior would not be tolerated at his home. Plus, he calls my behavior as “drama.” And, he doesn’t like drama.
All these mixed messages and signals without any definite answers or responses.
So, please try to help me understand?
QUESTIONS:
Q1: Why did he pull away so quickly?
Why didn’t he try to explain himself if he wasn’t truly using?
Q2: Why does he NOT want to see me anymore?
Is it because I want sex, and he cannot perform?
Q3: I ask to see him, but he doesn’t reply or answer. Why?
Why can’t he just be honest and say that he doesn’t want to see me anymore?
Q4: What did I do wrong?
Should I have remained silent about his meth use?
Q5: What should I do at this point KNOWING that he is an active meth user, but I still want to see him?
Q6: What advice can you give me or help to move on and let it go?
I am not a drug user.
I have never used drugs myself, but many of my friends are drug users.
I’m also sure that he is aware that I am not a drug user or that I am not that knowledgeable about drugs.
I hold two master’s degrees, but I cannot for the life of me get my dating life on track.
I have a habit of attracting and dating meth addicts.
Please give me some helpful feedback.
Again, I would appreciate your help and advice.
Thank you!
I am new to this site as far as posting, but I have been reading and learning so much helpful information. I thought that it would be a good time to post and ask for your help and advice, please?
I will not make this extremely long; because I’m sure anyone who has dealt with a meth addict will understand “most” of the situation/issues.
However, I will provide a brief background in order to get YOUR feedback on MY situation.
Honest feedback, please!
First and foremost, I am here for YOUR honest feedback.
Therefore, I would appreciate advice regardless of how hurtful or straightforward.
We understand when dealing with drug addicts (and caring too much for them) helpful words and actions are painful, but necessary for change and letting go.
I recently started seeing a 45 year old man, who is a welder, about three months ago. I just learned that he is addicted to meth. Now, he has distanced himself from me after I told that I knew.
Previous boyfriend who was a meth addict
Before this relationship, I had dated a meth addict for almost three years (2007-2010). Therefore, I am very well aware of the meth addiction and behaviors that go with it. Ultimately, this guy (2007-2010) moved out of state and began dating an old high school friend. Our relationship ended, and it hurt me deeply. I did not date for several years while I was healing and trying to regain MY life back. I finally regained myself and started to think about dating again.
Now, here we are 2015 with almost the exact same pattern BEFORE I even realized it.
My current situation and questions:
45 year old man – welder – divorced of 4 years – with 2 children (18 & 16 years old) from marriage.
He has not had a serious relationship since his divorce, and I am started to understand why.
We began seeing one another (mid-April 2015), and things were good in the beginning. Yet, he made it very clear that he did NOT want a serious relationship or girlfriend. He simply wanted, “a friend to hang out with.” I respected that.
I was hoping to have a friend as well to spend time with and maybe have some “fun” if it led to that later?
Here came the warning signs.
I was starting to learn this guy, so I was not aware of his normal behavior. But, some behaviors were starting to concern me, and then I finally figured out his hard core addiction to meth.
- He would not eat for days (claims he wanted to look good and slim for “the ladies”).
- He would complain about not sleeping (maybe 2-3 hours per night) (claims this became an issue when he began working night shift).
- He would constantly be working in the yard or in the house. He would never sit down and really talk or spend time with me (claims that he had to be busy and get things done).
- He would not get an erection like most men (claims he was not 25 years old anymore). This is where the largest warning sign came in, and his behavior was more aggressive than normal during sex. However, he would climax during oral sex, but not the other.
- He would sweat at all times.
- He would repeat things over and over.
- He blamed his behavior on the alcohol, but this was clearly not alcohol related (i.e. hyper activity, no eating, no sleeping, and not wanting sex).
- He would have nights where he would almost pass out mid sentence with a cigarette in his hand, which scared me tremendously.
- Last, he had frequent visits from known “meth addicts and dealers” in the area.
Now, let’s fast forward to May 28, 2015. At this point, I had been taking note and noticed all the signs pointing to meth use. He had been keeping his drug use under wraps rather well. Now, that I think about it, the signs were present. However, they became extremely worse around the end of May. I could no longer avoid this behavior and what was going on.
I had visited him 3 days in a row, and each day he was tweaking. I finally confronted him on May 28, and this is when ALL communication and interaction seemed to stop.
I could no longer hide the fact that I knew that he was using meth. He ADAMANTLY DENIED using any drugs, but, of course, he isn’t going to openly admit it with fear of losing his job, etc… At this point, he no longer wanted to see me anymore, yet, things were fine up until this point.
Grant it, I wanted more sex than he did, which makes me think this was the problem (because I wanted it all time)? Yet, he will “claim” that he enjoys it too? However, I don’t see any evidence of that, because I am always THE ONE begging and initiating sexual contact – ALWAYS!
I did see him once following the May28 incident. But, he only invited my over to “make sure” that I was aware that he was not a drug user and that behavior would not be tolerated at his home. Plus, he calls my behavior as “drama.” And, he doesn’t like drama.
All these mixed messages and signals without any definite answers or responses.
So, please try to help me understand?
QUESTIONS:
Q1: Why did he pull away so quickly?
Why didn’t he try to explain himself if he wasn’t truly using?
Q2: Why does he NOT want to see me anymore?
Is it because I want sex, and he cannot perform?
Q3: I ask to see him, but he doesn’t reply or answer. Why?
Why can’t he just be honest and say that he doesn’t want to see me anymore?
Q4: What did I do wrong?
Should I have remained silent about his meth use?
Q5: What should I do at this point KNOWING that he is an active meth user, but I still want to see him?
Q6: What advice can you give me or help to move on and let it go?
I am not a drug user.
I have never used drugs myself, but many of my friends are drug users.
I’m also sure that he is aware that I am not a drug user or that I am not that knowledgeable about drugs.
I hold two master’s degrees, but I cannot for the life of me get my dating life on track.
I have a habit of attracting and dating meth addicts.
Please give me some helpful feedback.
Again, I would appreciate your help and advice.
Thank you!
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