I wrote this almost like a journal to myself today, describing my pain, situation, thoughts. I'll post it here, maybe get some insight from some of you, or not.
I've been here before. Different situations, same outcome. As I write this waiting for the kratom pills to absorb into my stomach lining, I alternate between hot and cold, sweating profusely at times then shivering cold once the sweat starts evaporating and my body's regulation mechanisms flip flop. My stomach is in knots, but not so much of a stomach ache as an overall rotten feeling of my gastrointestinal tract trying to make heads or tails of being almost completely shut down for the last couple of weeks. My perception of time and grasp of reality are rebounding from the trance like state of opiate induced bliss to the sharp, bright, loud reality that was hidden behind the veil. Every inch of skin crawls with the sensation of the hair follicles standing up on end and trying to twist their way out. My nostrils run periodically like there's some gremlin running around the autonomic section of my brain, flipping the switches at random. Muscles seem to be stuck somewhere between contracting and releasing at the same time, but this sensation is difficult to put into words. Horrible, torturing unease about sums it up.
I've been here before. Different situations, same outcome. As I write this waiting for the kratom pills to absorb into my stomach lining, I alternate between hot and cold, sweating profusely at times then shivering cold once the sweat starts evaporating and my body's regulation mechanisms flip flop. My stomach is in knots, but not so much of a stomach ache as an overall rotten feeling of my gastrointestinal tract trying to make heads or tails of being almost completely shut down for the last couple of weeks. My perception of time and grasp of reality are rebounding from the trance like state of opiate induced bliss to the sharp, bright, loud reality that was hidden behind the veil. Every inch of skin crawls with the sensation of the hair follicles standing up on end and trying to twist their way out. My nostrils run periodically like there's some gremlin running around the autonomic section of my brain, flipping the switches at random. Muscles seem to be stuck somewhere between contracting and releasing at the same time, but this sensation is difficult to put into words. Horrible, torturing unease about sums it up.
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