Relapse - Self loathing/ withdrawal worry

[contico]

Hi all,

So I've posted before about a codeine habit and withdrawals before. I've been taking 60-120mg of codeine daily for 3.5 years.

I tapered down (was proud of my self control) over 2 weeks - week1 - 32mg, week 2 - 16mg. However still suffered withdrawal. Aches, waking up every night with a feeling of pressure in my head dhairrea etc.

I stayed clean for 2.5 weeks and withdrawal had subsided, the last to go and worst was the pressure in the head.

I've just now managed to pull myself together to write this. I relapsed stupidly and took 180mg in 3 doses over 24 hours (morning, early evening, morning).

I am furious at myself, I know I no longer want to do this, I hate the feeling, my head is a mess, I can barely think.

I'm now dreading going into withdrawal again in particular the horrible pressure in my head when I wake up at night and lack of sleep as a result.

I get on a plane in 2 days for a 2 week vacation and I'm dreading how I've ruined it.

Should I bring codeine and taper down again during the first few days to avoid going through withdrawal again or try cold turkey? I really can't be out of it for the first 5 days as I imagine I will be.

Will be withdrawal be compress reset to day 1?

Any input would be great guys. I haven't felt this low or worried in a long time. So angry at my stupidity I could break down.

 

[MrRoot]

Well it is just relapse and what matters the most is the fact that you are wanting to be sober and that is great!

Don't put too much pressure for yourself about your relapse.

Could you do a slower taper process like 60mg for a week then 50mg and then 40mg and so on?

I tapered down from 160mgs a day oxycodone habit by dropping first week 40mgs and then 10mg per week and didn't suffer any physical withdrawals.

Don't ruin your vacation by doing a too rapid taper.

 

[Man in the Dark]

Sorry to hear about the relapse C. I would definitely take your meds on vacation and enjoy, you can worry about quitting when you get back. It won't be a vacation in withdrawl plus PAWS. Don't beat yourself up over it, take some time on your vacation to reflect and have a plan for when you return home.

 

[contico]

Thanks guys. The only worry is its a bachelor trip and there'll be a lot of drinking.

I was thinking of going cold turkey but having second thoughts.

Would the withdrawals be as bad after only 24 hours or use?

I'm 28 hours in since last dose. Head a bit scrambled but not feeling too bad. Was think of taking 60mg tonight and then riding it out. I really don't know.

 

[MrRoot]

In my opinion codeine is quite weak and if you have got past 28 hours and not feeling like a mess you should try toughing it out. If it gets much worse you could a low dose like 30mg and try how the next 24 hours go.
You can do it!

 

[VastEmpty]

Root is absolutely right. At 28 hours you are better off just riding it out. I wouldn't take anymore codeine unless you absolutely have to. I don't think this will ruin your vacation - you might feel blah for a couple of days, but should be back to where you were before the relapse in no time.

Good luck!

- VE

 

[swilow]

I don't know if this will help, but I've been able to 'succesfully' withdraw cold turkey from codeine, doses of 1200mg to 2000mg a day. Codeine w/d is unpredictable, in that I've stpped off such a dose a few times- sometimes, I would be sick within 8 hours and really quite ill, shakey, nervous, sweaty, aching, etc. whereas on other times, I would experience literally no withdrawal. To be honest, this gave me a false sense of security, so I started using heroin and experienced withdrawal every single time I tried to quit that (am clean of it now).

I still use codeine every 4-5 days, usually about 600-1000mg. Every now and then I make a poor decision to stay on it for a week or two, mainly to combat suicidal thoughts, and sometimes get a mild w/d, other times nothing. I feel a pull towards codeine of course, but it tends to make me nauseated and depressed now. Still, its an opiate and my brain is accepting of the negatives to attain a brief hint of the positive.

I don't think you will experience that much withdrawal from the doses you are on. Remember, quitting any drug can cause anxiety and anxiety can cause any number of symptoms- I wonder if this is partially what is happening, withdrawal on the milder end of the spectrum but coupled with understandable anxiety? I used to get withdrawal from cannabis, which I now believe is not addictive. The w/d I felt was anxiety caused by having to change a habit that I didn't really want to, but actually had to.

 

[Cosmic Trigger]

Sorry to hear about the relapse C. I would definitely take your meds on vacation and enjoy, you can worry about quitting when you get back. It won't be a vacation in withdrawl plus PAWS. Don't beat yourself up over it, take some time on your vacation to reflect and have a plan for when you return home.

this ^