I don't know exactly what led to it. I keep asking myself how I got off track, but the only simple answer is "slowly".
I'm not sure if I started losing hope first or if my bad habits started building and my good habits stopped, but either way I let myself give up. It's been mostly an emotional relapse rather than a physical one, but I have been smoking an increasing amount of weed and did take some hydrocodone.
Not going through any withdrawals, but I have picked up some bad habits and have some things to deal with. I'm going to make a list and work through them here, I could use some advice for getting back into the swing of things. My life really revolved around buying, selling, and using drugs and I'm working on changing that.
These are some the reasons that I feel bad and somethings I can do about it.
-Feel guilty because I have been slacking off, lazy, and getting stoned all day
=>Quit using cannabis and refocus on my job and school. Also be sure to spend time with family and friends. Honestly, I'm unsure about this one, but I think if I'm being honest with myself I need to quit smoking for a while to fully regain self-control.
-Failing classes.
=>Quit smoking and stick to daily schedule. Finish school work before hanging out with friends. Stop getting too stoned to study and do homework.
-Feeling lazy and unmotivated
=>Start running first thing in the morning again. Replace watching netflix with reading, studying, practicing music, or socializing. Find healthy ways to socialize.
-Unhappy with my body because I'm starting to gain weight.
=>Workout 3-5 times a week, no more soda or junk food.
That's about it for now, the list could go on but I don't want to overwhelm myself with things that I need to change, just makes my head feel like it is spinning and then I give up and regress into old familiar habits.
I remember doing a "vision board" in rehab. Thought it was cheasy as hell and only did it to make my counselor happy, but it makes a lot more sense to me right now. There are so many things I want to change or ways that I can improve, but if I try to do it all at once I will only get discouraged and probably give up. It's easy to list all the things that I want to change and ways in which I could change, but when it comes down to it, it is hard to replace those habits that we have become so comfortabe with.
So, in effort to take things in stride, my goals this week are:
-Daily schedule again. Every night before, by the hour.
-Get back on track in school. Even if I can't get my grades back up, at least I can get my habits corrected. This means studying 2-8+ hours a day.
-No smoking before 6pm, No smoking every day after this week. It's time to stop again but it might help if I ease into things, it really messes with my schedule going cold turkey now.
-Run every morning, 7am. 2 miles minimum, even if I walk at least I'm spending time outside.
-1-2+ hours practicing vocals and guitar
-Start going to NA meetings or group. I don't think I "need" them, but they can be a good place to meet other people with similar struggles.
It takes a lot of effort to care. Sometimes it seems like it comes so naturally, so effortlessly, but when motivation flickers, the full weight of concern becomes apparent. The hardest steps we take are those before we lay down to sleep.
Trying to remind myself that things may never be perfect, but they can improve.
Just because I fail doesn't mean I have to give up or can never try again. Failure is a state of mind.
Going to get some rest now. I feel like the most discouraging part is knowing i need to change but lacking the motivation to do so, but motivation can be found and obtained.
I'm not sure if I started losing hope first or if my bad habits started building and my good habits stopped, but either way I let myself give up. It's been mostly an emotional relapse rather than a physical one, but I have been smoking an increasing amount of weed and did take some hydrocodone.
Not going through any withdrawals, but I have picked up some bad habits and have some things to deal with. I'm going to make a list and work through them here, I could use some advice for getting back into the swing of things. My life really revolved around buying, selling, and using drugs and I'm working on changing that.
These are some the reasons that I feel bad and somethings I can do about it.
-Feel guilty because I have been slacking off, lazy, and getting stoned all day
=>Quit using cannabis and refocus on my job and school. Also be sure to spend time with family and friends. Honestly, I'm unsure about this one, but I think if I'm being honest with myself I need to quit smoking for a while to fully regain self-control.
-Failing classes.
=>Quit smoking and stick to daily schedule. Finish school work before hanging out with friends. Stop getting too stoned to study and do homework.
-Feeling lazy and unmotivated
=>Start running first thing in the morning again. Replace watching netflix with reading, studying, practicing music, or socializing. Find healthy ways to socialize.
-Unhappy with my body because I'm starting to gain weight.
=>Workout 3-5 times a week, no more soda or junk food.
That's about it for now, the list could go on but I don't want to overwhelm myself with things that I need to change, just makes my head feel like it is spinning and then I give up and regress into old familiar habits.
I remember doing a "vision board" in rehab. Thought it was cheasy as hell and only did it to make my counselor happy, but it makes a lot more sense to me right now. There are so many things I want to change or ways that I can improve, but if I try to do it all at once I will only get discouraged and probably give up. It's easy to list all the things that I want to change and ways in which I could change, but when it comes down to it, it is hard to replace those habits that we have become so comfortabe with.
So, in effort to take things in stride, my goals this week are:
-Daily schedule again. Every night before, by the hour.
-Get back on track in school. Even if I can't get my grades back up, at least I can get my habits corrected. This means studying 2-8+ hours a day.
-No smoking before 6pm, No smoking every day after this week. It's time to stop again but it might help if I ease into things, it really messes with my schedule going cold turkey now.
-Run every morning, 7am. 2 miles minimum, even if I walk at least I'm spending time outside.
-1-2+ hours practicing vocals and guitar
-Start going to NA meetings or group. I don't think I "need" them, but they can be a good place to meet other people with similar struggles.
It takes a lot of effort to care. Sometimes it seems like it comes so naturally, so effortlessly, but when motivation flickers, the full weight of concern becomes apparent. The hardest steps we take are those before we lay down to sleep.
Trying to remind myself that things may never be perfect, but they can improve.
Just because I fail doesn't mean I have to give up or can never try again. Failure is a state of mind.
Going to get some rest now. I feel like the most discouraging part is knowing i need to change but lacking the motivation to do so, but motivation can be found and obtained.
Though the odds are against you... and me as well for that matter. I cried a lot about it. The disappointment and shame that I felt was damn near unbearable and were huge motivators to tighten the fuck up. See if there is a way you can view this relapse in a positive light and use the pain as motivation.