recreating ketamine therapy protocol at home

[Zephyn]

So I self medicate my depression with ketamine for over a decade. It was more an occasional binge sort of thing until a few years ago when I started needing it more medicinally. I put it off until I absolutely cannot bear any longer, then I do some. Usually this is every 3-4 months. Its pretty effective, but I don't feel like in this extremely dark spot that I'm In at the moment that it will provide any relief for any more than a few days or a week at most, when usually im hoping for at least a few week boost.

I've had the unique opportunity (or less unique these days) of participating in an abuse liability/recreational potential clinical trial comparing a nasal spray esketamine to an IV infusion. I was given both, at different parts of the trial. The infusion was when I really noticed the benefits and even though it wasn't enough to get me super high (I think it was like 84mg over the course of an hour) the after effects really stood out even though I wasn't particularly depressed at the time. Is there some reason that using it via infusion would be more effective for depression? Perhaps the constantly slow titration of dosage? Something to do with its initial effects during administration that helps with its neurogenesis that its metabolites don't take care of? (Though in my experience self administrating it feels like one of its metabolites that's most therapeutic). I've never been able to recreate the entirety of the benefits I got in the lab from the infusion. One random thought that comes to mind is I recall reading some study regarding ketamine and depression and its MOA, and some tidbit in there stating that exceeding a certain dosage had the opposite effect and was actually counterproductive with producing whichever specific reaction they were looking at. Maybe my tendency to binge on a gram or two in a session could be why it hasn't been as beneficial.

My main question is more related to the protocol of how its administered. Most clinics I've talked to seem to do 6-8 "back to back" infusions or intramuscular sessions before switching over to monthly maintenance. Does this mean in the same day? Is this over the course of a week or a few weeks? Is this super important compared to just using it every couple of months? I'm talking in a purely theoretical MOA/pharmacodynamical sense? Should I try to recreate that somehow myself? Will be hard as I mostly IM and I find it hard to hold onto a supply without binging.

a secondary question would be more related to its use with psychotherapy. any good ways of brainwashing myself? any good material anyone wants to reference on rebuilding the ego and sense of self and confidence, positivity, guided meditations? I usually listen to music while holing then ted talks afterwards. i'd be open to hearing some of those, but im looking more for serious self therapy/"brainwash" material, as i've found i tend to get a little "stuck" in mindsets i leave off K sessions in, which can be good or bad, depending...

 

[Chris Timothy]

Some medicines only reach their effectiveness via IV for some reason, of which the simplicity of directness must be one I'm sure. But yeah my guess would be that it's about leveling out the ups and downs. I spent a week on a ketamine protocol once of snorting 10mg each hour, and was very impressed by the results. You can find the thread about it somewhere on bluelight if you're interested, but yeah, only two of us seemed to be able to keep from binging.

I have no idea about current clinical protocol, and am not even sure the clinics know what they're doing. Though that's only based on one UK one I've looked into a couple of years ago. Only thing I can add is that I did find it important to spend a whole week ever so slightly buzzed to give new habits a decent kickstart.

I wouldn't look for "brainwashing" if I were you, because that's already essentially aiming for superficial effects. Even religious models can be enjoyed as works of art and philosophy instead of as a mindset of which you chemically convince yourself and then come down from. I'd rather look for anyone you feel genuinely expands your mind. Because that leads to deeper insight and greater mental flexibility, from which a greater sense of confidence will arise of itself, rather than as a contact high derived from the self-congratulatory ted troop. (I'm sure there are exceptions there, but they prove the rule.. little of it is relevant anyway.)