Recovery from MDMA induced anxiety

[Harry95]

Hey guys,

This is my first time posting on here. I have been combing the site for about three weeks now and it has been really helpful in my recovery process. Just wanted to share my story and finally engage on a personal level with this great community.

A bit of background: I am 20 years old. Have never been a heavy drug user. Have rarely smoked weed in the past. Did cocaine only a few times. No history of mental disorders or depression in my family. I have always been a naturally anxious person but nothing that I would consider outside the realm of "normal".

The story: About 5 weeks ago I took my first dose of MDMA. The high was great and I enjoyed myself. The next weekend I took another cap. I can't be certain what I took and I'm not sure of the dose. Very irresponsible, I know. 5 days after the last dose I experienced a major panic attack. I had been having mild bouts of anxiety the days leading up to this. As the week continued I started suffering from some mild depersonalization. I felt fatigued all the time and things were just generally "off". I explained what was happening to my family and they were very supportive and empathetic. The anxiety and depersonalization came in waves through the next two weeks. However, it was not constant and I did have periods of comfort and normalcy. My memory and verbal skills were definitely effected but I chalked this up to the anxiety. I consulted my family doctor and he prescribed Ativan to calm my nerves. I decided not to take it because I wanted to heal myself as naturally as possible.

It has now been 4 weeks since my last dose and many of the symptoms have lessened in severity. The ones that persist are the following:

- feeling of uneasiness
- occasional depression
- occasional DP (not too severe though)
- fatigue and lightheadedness
- mild brain fog and visual snow (not always there)

I wanted to post this because I feel that I'm on my way to a fairly quick recovery and need some positive advice on the final half. I know that this affects many people and can persist for quite some time. I have been eating healthy (lots of fruits and vegetables, protein, nuts, etc) I have begun exercising more regularly and I have been taking Vitamin C & D daily, fish oil and two other natural supplements that were prescribed by my naturopath. All of these factors have been helping. My memory is mostly back and I'm much more sociable and comfortable than two weeks ago.

The only trouble I'm having is this feeling of uneasiness. I feel like I'm not quite the same. I can't enjoy things in the same way that I used to. There is always a looming sense that I am not who I was. Logically I can say this is probably just some residual anxiety but it's still upsetting. My question is: have any of those that have recovered gone through this symptom? Is it normal to feel uncomfortable and somewhat "detached" from things? Is it just paranoia? Will I fully go back to "normal"?

Any advice, encouragement or info would really help!

Thank you for your time and sorry for the length of this post. I want to provide hope for anyone that is going through this right now. It really is a terrible feeling but I believe that with time and patience it goes away. There are many positive stories out there and I hope to become one of them. For those suffering: We will get through this.

Much love,

Harry95

 

[CalicoSam]

Will I fully go back to "normal"?

I think its likely that if you treat your self well you'll be back to a homeostasis similar to what you had before. But there is no guarantee.

Many people find themselves in an undesirable state after MDMA or other psychotropics. The most common way things proceed is that it gradually resolves itself. However, some people do find these problems to be very persistent for them. If you don't feel improvement I'd advise getting some professional help. In general good sleep, good nutrition, reasonable exercise, and not panicking about your situation, all seem likely to be a bit helpful.

 

[Harry95]

Thanks for your prompt reply! Really appreciate it.

 

[dudeguybro]

Hey Harry95, how are you feeling now?

 

[Harry95]

Hey dudeguybro,

I hope you get a chance to see this. I'm sorry I wasn't able to reply sooner. I have been off the site for a while. First of all, I am feeling much better! Are you going through something similar?

If you happen to be going through an LTC of your own please let me know. One thing I can say is that it does go away. It can be a very slow recovery process but the majority of sufferers overcome this affliction.

I am much, much better. A lot of my symptoms have either lifted entirely or receded enough that I can ignore them. I felt like I would never escape the awful sensations but they have finally started to go away.

I hope you're doing alright. Shoot me a message or just reply here and I'd be glad to chat.

Take care,

Harry95

 

[Liquid45]

Harry95,

Thanks for supporting me in another thread! I just have a question: did your feelings of being somewhat "off" go away? Are you able to be a fully functional human being, as before the bad trip? Did you experience "relapses" (not in a literal sense, but in the sense, that your mental health improved and then fell back down)?

I'm currently just short of 30 days after the trip. After 3 weeks I started feeling really good, though sleep and digestion were still a bit off, but I was thinking positively. Then, stupidly I cut my good diet, started drinking coffee etc. Then I began to get a bit more anxious about my sleep since it worsened after cutting the good habits. After a couple of non-excellent nights I went on this forum to read some unrelated horror stories (genius!) which resulted in raised anxiety and finally a panic attack. This was 3 days ago, and I'm definately feeling worse than on week 3. Anxiety during the morning/day, a bit better in the evening. Feeling a bit depressed, a bit scared of my own faith, depersonalized maybe. It's back on my mind quite severely, though I when I forget to think about it, I can feel better.

Maybe returning to the forum caused some PTSD, who knows. I think I am not doing badly at all, but the fact that recovery time and even the recovery isn't guaranteed is a bit scary.

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Many thanks,

Liquid45

 

[Harry95]

Hey Liquid45,

The "off" feeling you are describing has been the most persistent symptom for me. However, it gets better with time. It's anxiety, plain and simple. The thing is, as you spend more time with these feelings you begin to realize that they are not indicative of some deeper issue but just a result of a heightened nervous system. Once you accept that you will stop reacting so strongly to the feelings.

I function the same as I did before. It took time to feel comfortable though. To give you some perspective, I'm training to be an actor and I am still able to memorize lines and perform without trouble. I do everything I would have done before my LTC.

Yes, relapses are totally normal. Like I said, your nervous system is on overdrive and any stress you encounter will be magnified because your body is already in a state of heightened stress. If you have felt comfortable and calm at any point during this experience it means that you're "condition" is purely a result of an overactive nervous system and will resolve in time. I left school for a month because of what I was going through and after being home for a while I felt great. The second I returned to school the anxiety shot back up for a while. What does this mean? That these feelings are induced by stress on the body and the mind. Once I readjusted to my environment I felt fine again.

I think that maintaining a proper diet is always helpful but I wouldn't blame it entirely for your feelings. If anything, spooking yourself with the stories was the main problem. I still get edgy if I read about this stuff! Try to remember all the positive stories out there.

Recovery may not be "guaranteed" but if you stay the course and don't do anymore drugs it's extremely likely that you will make a full recovery. When people on this site tell you that "time heals all" they're telling the truth. The brain needs time to recover so give it that time.

My advice is to get busy. If you're not exercising then you better get started now. It is truly the best medicine. Science agrees that it can be as affective as medication in regards to these situations. When you feel those dark sensations creep up on you put on your runners and go for a long run. It will help to mitigate the anxiety and will improve your sleep as well. If you're avoiding anything that you would normally do then go out and do those things (excluding drugs obviously).

A month is not that long in regards to recovery. It takes most people several months to get better. But everyone is different. You might recover in less time. The fact that you've had good days is a very positive sign.

Try and stay off the forums. You already know how discouraging it can be to read the crazy stuff out there. Most do recover, remember that. I know plenty of people who have had adverse reactions to MDMA and all of them are fine. You are feeling bad now and you may be feeling weird for a while, but it will end. Just be patient.

In the mean time, focus your energy outwards. Take up hobbies, play video games, go see movies, read books, exercise, have sex, spend time with family, try and do creative things, help other people whenever you can, stay active in general. The busier you are, the less time you have to think of how you're feeling. And at this point, that's a good thing.

Apply some of these tips and you will notice that things get easier and easier.

Keep me updated and if you ever need more reassurance just message me or post on here. You are not alone and you will get over this. I am not offering false hope, just giving you the facts.

Take care,

Harry95

 

[Intuitivejay]

How are you now Harry ?