Quitting H...CT

[Iamoxygen]

Folks,

There's a long backstory to this but that can be found in my last couple posts, I've obviously been active today. Here's my story, shortened:

This was my rock bottom.

I was asked to leave work, went home, finished the stash and told myself I was done with all opiates. Given the amount of my daily habit, I knew I was in for a rough few days. After 18 hours, the WDs kicked in, and for 24-72 hours I couldn't even keep water down. Many of you are all too familiar with the other symptoms. But I didn't crack. CT after a g+ per day habit is no joke. After a week sober, I slipped. I bought a half a g from an old connect and did it over 3 days. I could kick myself as I was already past the hard physical part, and I don't know why I made the call and followed through with the purchase. I was terrified that the WDs would start again, but I'm at 41 hours now since my last dose and haven't felt any yet. I thank God for that. The shitty part is the thought of using manifests itself in my head again today, and I'm fighting to beat it back. "You can use if you want, you won't have WDs. Just use in moderation." I know that's bullshit and that I'll just be where I was a few weeks ago, using a g a day before I know it. This is my true first attempt at getting clean. I don't want subs or methadone, I want to beat this straight up CT.
I'm reaching out to this community for help. Kind words, advice, shared similar situations, anything will help. What did you do to beat your habit? How did you beat the cravings? Most importantly, how long does it take for the depression and lethargy to go away? I know there are tons of similar stories on here but I wanted to post my own. I feel like a few personal responses will hit home more than reading the posts of others.

 

[GreenGnome]

Lam,

Good for you for taking the first step. I'm right there with you. I'm on day 1. But I've done this a dozen times already. So I feel your pain of wanting to kick the crap out of yourself for copping again. With that said, look at me, and almost everyone else. There is no "moderation" when it comes to drugs, especially opiates. So just stay strong. The mind is a powerful thing. And you can justify picking up "just one last time" in a million different ways. But no matter what. There's only on consequence and it's always the same.

With that said, the mental recover if addiction all depends on the amount you abuse and the length in which you did. I am going g to assume you've been doing it for quite some time as you have worked yourself up to a G a day. But everyone is different. Some people are never the same, other it takes years or a year, or even a few months. I've never really heard anyone bounce back in less then a month tbh. But if you keep yourself busy, stay social, in a positive way of course, get yourself a new drug free crowd, you'll keep your mind busy and it will pass sooner then you would think.

For me, it will take me a few good months to get my head together again. I've never really made it past a year so I can't say beyond that. But there will always be this lingering thought about when you used to abuse, every time your feeling down, tired, or best up from normal day to day happenings. This happens to everyone, it's a natural experience, but when you used to a vise, you know in your head"you have a quick fix cure" for whatever is that you have going on. That, is the hardest part.

Also, personally, I would suggest subs. I quick month taper is an amazing things. Subs I think are amazing effective. But you just can't use it for anything longer then about 8 weeks I'd say, give or take. I do it every time, it has never been a problem getting off of them. Very easy, never got addicted, just made sure I never felt the real crap of opiate withdrawal. I treasure my sleep. That's what personally can break me when trying to get off. Subs keep me from rebounding immediately off opiates.

Best of luck bud. You came to the right place. We are all here for ya.

 

[Iamoxygen]

GG,

Thank you for the reply, it sounds like we are all very much the same whether we like it or not. I'm a researcher at heart, but not a planner by any means. I've read tons of info on here on what to expect, how tough kindling can be, etc. To give you a background, I started abusing OC two years ago. Once I was up to 100mg per day (only took about 6 months max to go from a 20mg daily Norco habit to 100-150mg OC daily), the prices got to be too much for me to cover. That's when I turned to H. Started smoking and insufflating, but after about 6 more months it started destroying my lungs. To the point where I could barely get up the stairs without doubling over. In my mind, I needed a new ROA, and that's when the IV started around Oct 2016. In 3 months I was at a g per day minimum, sometimes up to 2. It's a myrical I was functional and didn't OD. That amount lasted until two weeks ago. I quit CT, endured 5 days of hell where I couldn't even make it downstairs, didn't eat but a few cheerios each day, but I made it through. The weird part is I didn't cop until after it was all over. Technically this is my first real attempt to quit and I plan on it being my last. The boredom and lack of energy are what's killing me now. I can handle the depression, I was diagnosed over 5 years ago so it's kind of part of life now. I'm finally sleeping well with the help of trazadone, but I was shocked I didn't WD after only taking a week off and doing a half over 3 days. Guess given my normal habitual amount, that seemed like nothing to my body. So here I am, technically on day 3 but truly cut down 2 weeks ago come Sunday.

Here's the weird part, and I don't know if it's in my head or what. I haven't had that moment where I say "ok, this is my last shot forever." My user friends say they've had the thought a million times. I almost want to feel that way just for some closure with this awful habit.

Anyways, thanks again for responding. I'm not really a religious guy but godspeed to you my friend. I'm here for support as well if you need me. I plan on being 100% honest moving forward.

-Oxygen