fouronthefloor
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Dec 21, 2015
- Messages
- 2
Hi. Hope this post is okay here; please feel free to move it to a different forum if it isn't, or delete it entirely if it's inappropriate or doesn't have a home. I'm just trying to figure out if my experience is common and whether it says anything I ought to know about my psychology or physiology.
A few friends prevailed upon me to go to a dance club and try what they called (interchangeably) MDMA/"Molly" over the weekend. The one who got it didn't know the dosage when I asked, but said it was probably either 100mg or 120mg. I don't do anything mind-altering very often, or even anything social, but I've had very intense experiences the few times I've done acid, almost shamanic, usually involving a kind of feverish climb or "difficult" period leading into something akin to ego death and a feeling of rewiring and rebirth. I thought what we were doing would be way less intense, just a kind of empathetic focus and warmth. But actually the beginning was about as terrifying as anything I've ever experienced and for some reason I'm getting obsessed with figuring out why.
To start with, I was the last of the three of us to take a capsule and the first to feel its effects. The first thing that happened was my heart seemed to go haywire, like it was going to implode. I yelled that we had to get out of the crowd. My vision started to narrow strangely, like I was losing the periphery, but I didn't actually lose sight of anything, which made no sense. After that came the heat: there was just a second of a nice tingling sensation, and then it got to be way too much, like I was actually going to catch fire or melt. By this point I was truly filled with a sense of impending death, and everything from before that first crazy heart bump seemed like a distant memory. My friends figured out a place to sit me down and babysit me, but something about them was scaring me too; they looked gaunt like skeletons or zombies or something. They decided to start feeding me water and I stopped feeling like I was going to die, but I was still in a really uncomfortable "adjustment" phase. After maybe half an hour of waves of terror and then discomfort, some kind of breakthrough occurred and I realized everything was going to be not just okay, but really, really good. Hard to say whether it was worth it, but...
I know everyone is different, especially when it comes to brain chemistry, but is there any reason that my drug experiences, and especially this one, would be structured this way, with this combination of quick onset, intense peaks, and this incredibly painful "climb" or period of adjustment? What makes it the case that some people can just slide into a high without "adjusting" at all, but I need to curl into a ball, sweating or shivering, and wait until my brain stops fighting itself? Or, from the other side, how close is what I described to a genuinely dangerous case of hyperthermia, or a heart problem, or another known side effect? (If I were to go back in time, I would definitely pack a thermometer.)
A few friends prevailed upon me to go to a dance club and try what they called (interchangeably) MDMA/"Molly" over the weekend. The one who got it didn't know the dosage when I asked, but said it was probably either 100mg or 120mg. I don't do anything mind-altering very often, or even anything social, but I've had very intense experiences the few times I've done acid, almost shamanic, usually involving a kind of feverish climb or "difficult" period leading into something akin to ego death and a feeling of rewiring and rebirth. I thought what we were doing would be way less intense, just a kind of empathetic focus and warmth. But actually the beginning was about as terrifying as anything I've ever experienced and for some reason I'm getting obsessed with figuring out why.
To start with, I was the last of the three of us to take a capsule and the first to feel its effects. The first thing that happened was my heart seemed to go haywire, like it was going to implode. I yelled that we had to get out of the crowd. My vision started to narrow strangely, like I was losing the periphery, but I didn't actually lose sight of anything, which made no sense. After that came the heat: there was just a second of a nice tingling sensation, and then it got to be way too much, like I was actually going to catch fire or melt. By this point I was truly filled with a sense of impending death, and everything from before that first crazy heart bump seemed like a distant memory. My friends figured out a place to sit me down and babysit me, but something about them was scaring me too; they looked gaunt like skeletons or zombies or something. They decided to start feeding me water and I stopped feeling like I was going to die, but I was still in a really uncomfortable "adjustment" phase. After maybe half an hour of waves of terror and then discomfort, some kind of breakthrough occurred and I realized everything was going to be not just okay, but really, really good. Hard to say whether it was worth it, but...
I know everyone is different, especially when it comes to brain chemistry, but is there any reason that my drug experiences, and especially this one, would be structured this way, with this combination of quick onset, intense peaks, and this incredibly painful "climb" or period of adjustment? What makes it the case that some people can just slide into a high without "adjusting" at all, but I need to curl into a ball, sweating or shivering, and wait until my brain stops fighting itself? Or, from the other side, how close is what I described to a genuinely dangerous case of hyperthermia, or a heart problem, or another known side effect? (If I were to go back in time, I would definitely pack a thermometer.)