Dear Bluelight,
So about a month ago, I went to a indoor concert with and planned to take MDMA with several friends and my significant other. This was my second time taking it and based off the first time (which was 3 weeks prior to this concert) I thought I was going to have a good time. I took 'molly' right when I got into the venue and was able to have a great time for the first hour until my wallet got stolen... I was able to push that situation aside and continue having fun. Then when I felt like the 'molly' was about to wear off, I decided to redose... however, this is where I made a regretful decision to redose with a WHOLE pill that was fairly large. The come up felt extremely great however it was way too intense to the point where people started to speak in high-pitched voices (like they inhaled helium).
From hearing the high-pitched voices, I felt like something was wrong and that's when I entered what I believe to be a full-blown panic attack. I had to tell my significant other to take me outside the venue because I thought I was literally going to die. Everything around me seemed to be in slow-motion and dream-like then I began to think about how devastated my parents and loved ones were going to be when I die. My significant other sat me down and tried to calm me in the venue by telling me the bad trip would subside but it didn't help. All I wanted to do was get out of the venue for some air. But for some reason it felt like it was such a struggle to get outside. When I sat down outside with my significant other, a medic came to me and asked me what I took. He told me everything would be fine and said if something bad were to happen it would've happened already. Helped me calm down a bit however I was still in panic mode. The whole time I felt very alone and paranoid. My friends came outside after the concert was over and comforted me, which made me feel a bit better. It was really intense because in my head I thought I had already died and the dream-like state was how it was after death.
After I went home and did not get any sleep the following night. My friends who took the same 'molly' as me were having the same sleep problem as well. Which makes me assume that it was cut with something else. And my friend who had took the same whole pill I took and is fine. I was the only person to take both the 'molly' and the whole pill.
Spent the next week or so thinking I was going to get over this comedown. Had anxiety, paranoia, blurry vision (almost dream-like), scary thoughts, questioning my existance, concentration issues, just very out of it in general. Did research and spent the first two weeks thinking I caused brain damage. I tried taking 5-htp however, taking that made me feel panicky with increased heart rate and more anxiety. Not sure if I was just the anxiety acting up or if it had something to do with serotonin receptors. Went to the doctor and psychiatrist and was honest. Did blood tests and he told me I was fine. Had an uptake appointment with the psychiatrist and she told me there probably isn't any brain damage... and that my anxiety was probably caused by the panic attack being very traumatizing, which is what I was hoping to hear before I talked to her. I believe she doesn't have much experience dealing with patients who have taken MDMA though.
The next couple weeks I still had on/off anxiety (mainly on), some other symptoms and trouble sleeping. By the third week I decided I wanted to try Lion's Mane Mushroom.... which supposedly helps increase nerve growth factors. Felt like it would have helped me whether or not I did damage to my serotonin receptors. After I took one, I felt very weird and had a mini panic attack a couple hours after. The weird thing is after that panic episode, my anxiety subsided greatly and my heart rate slowed down compared to my usual increased panicky heart rate... however it left me feeling very blank, unmotivated, emotionless, depressed and low libido... which is how I currently feel right now but on and off. Bothered because I feel like it's affecting my relationship with my significant other along with friends and school. Felt very frustrated, scared and depressed yesterday and actually cried. Frustrated and scared because I want my old self back. As of now I'm not sure if I'm just getting used to these symptoms or if I'm getting better. I have been trying my best to keep a positive attitude.
My question is... is this MDMA toxicity from the large amount I took at one time or just symptoms I'm getting from something similar to post traumatic stress disorder? Or possibly both? Will I be alright?
Factors that I think come into play:
-felt a bit uncomfortable at the venue (indoor, hot, not very comfortable with the people around me, wallet stolen)
-didn't really eat before taking 'molly'
-took 'molly' (probably not pure) and redosed with a WHOLE fairly large pill after (1hr 30min or so after)
-second time using MDMA with the first time being 3 weeks before
-heard high-pitched voices a little after redosing
-panic attack (thought i was going to literally die or thought i died)
-Weird reaction from one pill of 5-htp (not sure if it was my paranoia or caused by damaged receptors?)
-Weird reaction from one pill of lion's mane mushroom (anxiety subsided but feeling depressed)
-still have on/off blurry vision (vision isn't as sharp)
-sleep disturbances
-tinnitus
-waking up anxious/depressed but feeling better at night
-memory/concentration problems
-unmotivated
-feeling distant
-EDM doesn't have the same uplifting feeling as before this incident
About myself:
-20 year old male
-I do not use other drugs. Not even alcohol, cigarettes or weed.
-I weight lift 5-6 times a week and still am
-ambitious until this incident
-Been eating healthier
-taking multivitamin and fish oil
-always had some social anxiety
-was somewhat depressed a year ago
-can be a hypochondriac
Sorry for the long post... any feedback would be highly appreciated
So about a month ago, I went to a indoor concert with and planned to take MDMA with several friends and my significant other. This was my second time taking it and based off the first time (which was 3 weeks prior to this concert) I thought I was going to have a good time. I took 'molly' right when I got into the venue and was able to have a great time for the first hour until my wallet got stolen... I was able to push that situation aside and continue having fun. Then when I felt like the 'molly' was about to wear off, I decided to redose... however, this is where I made a regretful decision to redose with a WHOLE pill that was fairly large. The come up felt extremely great however it was way too intense to the point where people started to speak in high-pitched voices (like they inhaled helium).
From hearing the high-pitched voices, I felt like something was wrong and that's when I entered what I believe to be a full-blown panic attack. I had to tell my significant other to take me outside the venue because I thought I was literally going to die. Everything around me seemed to be in slow-motion and dream-like then I began to think about how devastated my parents and loved ones were going to be when I die. My significant other sat me down and tried to calm me in the venue by telling me the bad trip would subside but it didn't help. All I wanted to do was get out of the venue for some air. But for some reason it felt like it was such a struggle to get outside. When I sat down outside with my significant other, a medic came to me and asked me what I took. He told me everything would be fine and said if something bad were to happen it would've happened already. Helped me calm down a bit however I was still in panic mode. The whole time I felt very alone and paranoid. My friends came outside after the concert was over and comforted me, which made me feel a bit better. It was really intense because in my head I thought I had already died and the dream-like state was how it was after death.
After I went home and did not get any sleep the following night. My friends who took the same 'molly' as me were having the same sleep problem as well. Which makes me assume that it was cut with something else. And my friend who had took the same whole pill I took and is fine. I was the only person to take both the 'molly' and the whole pill.
Spent the next week or so thinking I was going to get over this comedown. Had anxiety, paranoia, blurry vision (almost dream-like), scary thoughts, questioning my existance, concentration issues, just very out of it in general. Did research and spent the first two weeks thinking I caused brain damage. I tried taking 5-htp however, taking that made me feel panicky with increased heart rate and more anxiety. Not sure if I was just the anxiety acting up or if it had something to do with serotonin receptors. Went to the doctor and psychiatrist and was honest. Did blood tests and he told me I was fine. Had an uptake appointment with the psychiatrist and she told me there probably isn't any brain damage... and that my anxiety was probably caused by the panic attack being very traumatizing, which is what I was hoping to hear before I talked to her. I believe she doesn't have much experience dealing with patients who have taken MDMA though.
The next couple weeks I still had on/off anxiety (mainly on), some other symptoms and trouble sleeping. By the third week I decided I wanted to try Lion's Mane Mushroom.... which supposedly helps increase nerve growth factors. Felt like it would have helped me whether or not I did damage to my serotonin receptors. After I took one, I felt very weird and had a mini panic attack a couple hours after. The weird thing is after that panic episode, my anxiety subsided greatly and my heart rate slowed down compared to my usual increased panicky heart rate... however it left me feeling very blank, unmotivated, emotionless, depressed and low libido... which is how I currently feel right now but on and off. Bothered because I feel like it's affecting my relationship with my significant other along with friends and school. Felt very frustrated, scared and depressed yesterday and actually cried. Frustrated and scared because I want my old self back. As of now I'm not sure if I'm just getting used to these symptoms or if I'm getting better. I have been trying my best to keep a positive attitude.
My question is... is this MDMA toxicity from the large amount I took at one time or just symptoms I'm getting from something similar to post traumatic stress disorder? Or possibly both? Will I be alright?
Factors that I think come into play:
-felt a bit uncomfortable at the venue (indoor, hot, not very comfortable with the people around me, wallet stolen)
-didn't really eat before taking 'molly'
-took 'molly' (probably not pure) and redosed with a WHOLE fairly large pill after (1hr 30min or so after)
-second time using MDMA with the first time being 3 weeks before
-heard high-pitched voices a little after redosing
-panic attack (thought i was going to literally die or thought i died)
-Weird reaction from one pill of 5-htp (not sure if it was my paranoia or caused by damaged receptors?)
-Weird reaction from one pill of lion's mane mushroom (anxiety subsided but feeling depressed)
-still have on/off blurry vision (vision isn't as sharp)
-sleep disturbances
-tinnitus
-waking up anxious/depressed but feeling better at night
-memory/concentration problems
-unmotivated
-feeling distant
-EDM doesn't have the same uplifting feeling as before this incident
About myself:
-20 year old male
-I do not use other drugs. Not even alcohol, cigarettes or weed.
-I weight lift 5-6 times a week and still am
-ambitious until this incident
-Been eating healthier
-taking multivitamin and fish oil
-always had some social anxiety
-was somewhat depressed a year ago
-can be a hypochondriac
Sorry for the long post... any feedback would be highly appreciated
