psychedelics may have doomed me...

[Encryptedtrap]

So basically I abused lsd 2cb cannabis dmt and shrooms during my younger years of 16-21, I am 25 now and haven't used them for about 4 years(except for cannabis recently stopped that also)any ways I feel persisting effects of being way to high and feel very disconcected, my mind is very disturbed with my thought process and I seem to always have conflict with what I think and why, also sometimes but not always it's hard to listen to people talk to me without finding double meanings and personal delusions about what they say, when the topic is not even about me. Another thing a lot of the things i say and do uncomfortable repetitively remind me of another person that Uses similar words/body language and makes me feel empty...Yes sounds crazy because it is. I am posting this simply to hear if anyone has gone though this for a and recovered(hopefully) or if anyone has any positive input or can relate id be happy to hear back from you!

 

[Hybrid-]

I am not as old as you, but I heavily abused psychedelics (LSD, 2cb, 1P-LSD etc), amphetamines (meth and phet), downers (opiates and benzos) and many other drugs since I was 14 till now (age 19). Although I abused these drugs because I have been mentally ill all of my life, it has still had some impact, for better or for worse.

Though I believe that the largest impact was definitely from abusing psychedelics, as I do not believe that I have ever truly come back from some psychedelic experiences; but I have found with time that these effects / differences either subside with time, or become easier to live with. Although obviously, permanent changes/damages can be caused.

Therefore, if you haven't already, I would recommend seeing a doctor or some form of a mental health professional, as it may be possibly to treat or manage what you are experiencing better than you currently are.

 

[Encryptedtrap]

Thanks hybrid
I am currently trying some medicine to see if it can stabilize my symptoms
Both natural and from the abuse,
Thanks for the reply

 

[growit&smokeit]

How much weed were you smoking? How long since you stopped? I think weed is probably the more obvious cause than phychs.

 

[Encryptedtrap]

Smoked concentrates almost Daily 6 years or so, haven't in about 3 months now,(have taken a couple 8 month breaks along the way...) I've know people who have smoked and are fine, I also know everyone reacts differently. I feel that a couple bad trips and heavy Phyc use can throw somebody off more then habitual cannabis.i know people say phychs have "changed them for the better" all the time, but It should also be acknowledged for the opposite

 

[armoredslug]

I abused cannabis, LSD, methamphetamine and other assorted fancies throughout my adolescence and I am mentally ill, which was certainly exacerbated by my drug use. I know the feeling of being lost and not having much recourse, feeling permanently damaged...with time, effort, and effective medicine, along with a strong psychotherapeutic regime, I was able to regain most of myself, and though I have mixed feelings about being medicated, I mostly accept that it is a sacrifice I must make to be functional.
Were I an indigenous individual living in a small community that valued what I have to offer and not in a capitalistic society in the West, perhaps I wouldn't need meds as a stabilizing force. Maybe amino acids and herbs of various sorts could be the answer. But I have struggled all of my life with thought disturbances and emotional regulation. And paranoia. I cannot triumph therapy enough. Medication can provide a stable baseline for function, but therapy is where the origins of all of the conflict become clear. Why I was driven to use in the first place. What dynamics made it possible for me to go as far as I went into the darkness and the aether, both. As a semi-experienced Salvia user, I have been blasted through universes and made contact with the Divine. Some would call me crazy, but I feel like I'm pretty lucid.
No one is beyond repair. Everyone has value. Society may not recognize it as such, and I know that I went through a lot of misguided attempts to find my own value before I came to a place of acceptance. I have one week sober and I'm striving forward. I'm 36 now and I've been on drugs since I was 14. My brain is definitely an oddity. I am loved. This is crucial. Find comrades, friends, lovers, someone to talk and process with. Find a therapist that you feel like you might be able to trust someday and work toward that goal. Make friends with the earth, the soil, the leaves, the sky. Find solace in landscapes and seascapes and the frozen steppes. Be who you are without shame. And take good care.

 

[Encryptedtrap]

Thanks for the reply aurmored slug, would you mind me asking what medication has helped you?
My recent medication zyprexa has made me basically even more of a zombie sleeping 12+ hours eating constantly, i am now tapering off, I feel like a high dose ssri could help.I too have seen great things on my journeys but have been left in a dark world were its brain against mind all the time, like constant self defeating memories and the lack of concentration or decision making to build a new foundation of reality out of, I accept I have become mentally ill, i know one day if mental illness from drug abuse and pre existing will be better understood and prioritized in treating, i recently moved into a new town and house we're my family (sister;her baby, mom and sisters bf live) it has been challenging making use of my time without feeling like I'm just distracting my overactive self/mind analizing (true hell) and after atempting and re attempting to co exist with a girl I adore and failing from my lack of groundedness and self direction or even choice of partner or why i have been burdoned with a mental paridox from not being able to get it togeather ane feel okay or guided even when the lover was in my life. Thanks for the words

 

[armoredslug]

You're so welcome for the words!
Sorry about the late response, I got sort of distracted with everything happening 7n the world, as well as working on my own sobriety. I took Zyprexa for awhile, and though I wasn't zombified by it quite, I gained 80 lbs, which it took years to remove (for me). I can't prescribe for you, but I can tell you that I take an SNRI called Cymbalta for an anti-depressant and for me, I really need more than just extra serotonin in my brain (i.e. norepinephrine, too.) I believe that this is because I relied on drugs for so long to spike my brain chemicals and now I suffer deficits. I also take an anti-psychotic, something mild for anxiety, and a pill at a very low dose for sleep at night.
Sadly, each individual brain is different. What works for me may not work for you. There is a DNA test you can get (no idea about price, I got it done in rehab and it was covered by my state insurance) that will tell you which meds will be useful, which will be harmful, and which are on the edge of causing problems. This test is dictated by your own DNA, so it's right for your individual brain, but you may still have side-effects that aren't accounted for. Just an idea.
Although the business of medication is becoming slightly more precise, it's still a lot of trial and error, sadly. Try to find a really good psychiatrist or psychiatic nurse practitioner (they can be kinder, less overtly clinical in patient handling, and less eccentric, I've found) and ask for their recommendations after telling them in detail about your history and symptoms. Don't let anyone force you onto a cocktail right away. Try one thing at a time. Also, with SNRIs and SSRIs, the wwithdrawal profile can be rough, so go slowly.
I wish you the best in everything, and hope that this message helped a little. Feel free to PM me any time! *hug!

 

[falsifiedhypothesi]

I went through this when I was smoking a lot of really good weed everyday with no tolerance when I was 16-17 years old.

I was paranoid about everything anyone said, my mom could tell me to have a nice day and i would think she only said that to hide that she hates me. This was all happening while I wasn't even high. I would turn conversations around in my head, it was all some subtle code that was meant to insult me.

I've made a complete 180 degree turn since then, now 22 years old. I had to stop smoking for 2-3 years for it to disappear completely but over time I could tell it was getting less severe.

it's good you've stopped all psychedelics. Stay sober and try to live your life the best you can and I believe you'll recover.

 

[7unna69]

recently ive been feeling a little like this... im not sure if its because im in a bad state of mind or if maybe i just need to get myself together. my trips and highs have not been so great. im not sure on how to stop this or what to do. i keep thinking that everyone's against me and im pushing everyone away. would that be okay? i think everything might just be in my head but im also thinking that maybe a good trip on shrooms would help me sort certain things in my head? maybe a bad idea...

 

[Ziiirp]

I am not as old as you, but I heavily abused psychedelics (LSD, 2cb, 1P-LSD etc), amphetamines (meth and phet), downers (opiates and benzos) and many other drugs since I was 14 till now (age 19). Although I abused these drugs because I have been mentally ill all of my life, it has still had some impact, for better or for worse.

Though I believe that the largest impact was definitely from abusing psychedelics, as I do not believe that I have ever truly come back from some psychedelic experiences; but I have found with time that these effects / differences either subside with time, or become easier to live with. Although obviously, permanent changes/damages can be caused.

Therefore, if you haven't already, I would recommend seeing a doctor or some form of a mental health professional, as it may be possibly to treat or manage what you are experiencing better than you currently are.

Who told you, that you are mentally ill all of you life (you say, there was person, that called you 'mentally ill' before the age of 14) ? How did they come to the conclusion, that your mind is not unique, but pathologically dangerous to yourself and your surroundings (which would be the definition of 'mentally ill' for me) ?

Do you dismiss the likelihood, that your perfectly fine developing teenage mind could have been distorted by all those drug experiences at the age of 14 and as a consequence left you with struggles to reestablish your own natural rooted sober state of mind ?

Just interested, what made you think, that you are 'mentally ill' in the first place.