Psychedelics+Cannabis bad trip has done something to me

[Emir98]

Apologies if I've posted this in the wrong place;
Couldn't decide between here and the cannabis forum but you guys are probably more on my level.
Furthermore I understand that many of you have probably seen a thread like this multiple times but I believe I have a semi-unique case
if you are knowledgable on psychedelics ruining bud smoking and bad trips from cannabis with a psychedelic variable. Please please read this I need some advice



The story begins as follows
Me 18, get high quite often.
Took tab of acid couple months later I was fine. Saw letters moving around on my phone during the high as well as other stuff obvs

A couple weeks later I got baked and saw the same letters moving around on my phone!!!(the end of letters would simply move back and forth) this was distressing but I didn't think much of it.
Went to Amsterdam smoked everyday ofc took truffles again no bad trip I just felt a bit...acidy...went back home smoked heavily (at this point smoking wasn't as fun since we did it so much) so I took a 2 day break. Felt very odd, enjoyed having naps a bit too much.

Started smoking again was ok until 1am where when lying down I suddenly noticed my breathing. I felt that I was automatically not breathing. I went into hyperdrive thinking I had god damn lung cancer or pneomonia or some other damn illness felt so sick and dying that I went to hospital I was so anxious through it and by god I was seeing letters move again. After this I carried on smoking for a week with no problems then I stopped indefinitely. I seem to be hyper aware of my breathing and still am to this day which is distressing. I felt depersonalised for a couple days and very anxious. I seemed to have developed health anxiety. So anyway I left it for a while a 1/2 week break and I started again. 3rd day of smoking everyday I had another anxiety attack and this time thought one of my ribs had collapsed. Saw letters moving yet again. I managed to sleep that night so didn't feel very anxious at all after it and I felt ok
To this day I still have a breathing fixation

I've stopped all drugs as of now but my question is what the hell is/was going on with me and is there ever a chance of smoking up again and enjoying it?
I'm not doing any more psychedelics as I don't believe my brain agrees with them. But the damage is already done.

Thank you so much for a reply in advance.
I've been really sad and distressed about the possible long term ramifications of my drug usage.

(One more point when I had the panic attacks while high the letters moving would persist until I calmed down be it couple of hours or multiple hours)
Feel free to ask any questions about it

 

[Emir98]

Guys after writing this post I'm having a slight letter moving around effect. I don't feel anxious per se but thinking about what happens to me before is kind of coming back in a way. Could be related to the fact that I'm tired.
Letters don't seem level sometimes or it seems they are collectively having a rippling effect.
Not strong at all rn so I'm not worried about it

 

[mountainrange]

It sounds like HPPD. This is (according to Wikipedia);
"Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder (HPPD) is a disorder characterized by a continual presence of sensory disturbances, most commonly visual, that are reminiscent of those generated by the use of hallucinogenic substances."

It's a condition common in people that take psychedelics, it's usually temporary and nothing to worry about and depending on the experience (usually traumatic) can linger for a few days, weeks or months. This may of caused the onset of your panic attacks as well. Also, your weed consumption seems to very heavy so definetly cut back on how much you are smoking as that could of had an effect combined with the acid. And will have an affect on your mental health if you are smoking way too much. Therapeutic dosages of cannabis start at as little as a rip from a bong daily and can gradually increase depending on the desired effect. I usually smoke a pipe before bed and that's it. You don't need to smoke yourself to kingdom come to enjoy cannabis.

After a traumatic experience with psychedelics, integration is key to feeling better. This means relaxing environments, good friends to talk to and feel reassured and plenty of time on your own to gain insight from your experience and also to discount anything you may of witnessed during the trip (as not everything we experience is real in the context of healthy thoughts and beliefs). Your set and setting is KEY to having a safe trip and the company you keep is paramount to your trip being free from unnecessary worry and negativity. Did you research taking psychedelics before you took them?

It's likely from what you have written you didn't research correctly, you didn't expect psychedelics to be so powerful and no doubt was naive to the consequences and at 18, I was very much the same. Respect every drug you use, even cannabis. Smoke responsibly. Take psychedelics with the prior prerequisite knowledge and be responsible.

In terms of where to go from here. There isn't much you can do in terms of HPPD. It's a condition which if you have it has no defined treatment assigned to it. It's a condition usually heavily influenced by trauma and so with any recovery from trauma, remaining occupied mentally and physically is important, staying away from getting high is highly recommended as is refraining from any psychedelics until the symptoms subside is via common sense advisable too. As for being able to smoke weed again, in the future it may be possible but right now you must focus on what is going on for you right now. Do not rush to get baked again, think about yourself first.

We have good trips and we have bad trips. We can learn from both and you sound like you could of had a bad trip and freaked out which caused the HPPD as well as the panic attacks and the predisposition to the way in which you handle cannabis. It's not abnormal for your body to react differently to certain drugs during experiences like this. Some people get bit by bugs and become allergic to certain foods. The same applies to this situation. It's not entirely out of the question to say you picked up an aversion to cannabis through this experience. Although having said said, it may be wholly psychological and in time, you can iron out those creases by gently reintroducing yourself to cannabis. This happened to me when I was a child. I faced heavy trauma with so-called friends and weed triggered me off. 10 years later and I can now smoke it freely without worry but that was after a few years hiatus. You have to let the mind and body recover and then reprogram yourself to think differently and deal with things differently.

Just take it easy, think about yourself and leave the drugs out until you've recovered. If you feel like things are getting worse then don't hesitate to seek out professional help.

Hope I helped

 

[Emir98]

Thanks

 

[Emir98]

Alcohol has been ok to me. Do you recommend I stop drinking to help me heal quicker? Also if this is HPPD I have it is mild and is probably getting better

 

[Love Potion]

These chemicals put us in a state of extreme sensitivity, like ultra hyper sensitivity. One of the things I love about these substances is that they cause a shift in perception that allows me the ability to hear better, see more clearly, smell everything deeper. Basically whatever happens is a manifestation of where you focus your attention. Which is why I leave my phone at the house when I'm trippin. There are so many more exciting things to focus on.

Mushrooms and other psychedelics can and do render us vulnerable to our immediate surroundings, hence the importance of set and setting. Your mind is functioning in a non ordinary way, thus non ordinary experiences will be had. Some people experience synesthesia which is a powerful manifestation of being in a state of psychedelia. Hearing colors, seeing sounds, projecting thoughts and in your case seeing results of those thoughts manifest into reality as you experience it. Is it not possible that while in his hyper sensitive state you notice things that you've never noticed before? You bet it is, but sometimes what you think is happening and what is actually going on are unrelated. The more you experience this type of coincidence the more you will be inclined to see it and the more the pattern continues and the more uncomfortable the trips will be.

Especially when combining mdma and psychedelics, you easily venture outside your natural window of tolerance for stimulation. This is why I can no longer trip at festivals, I find it overwhelming. I get maxed out and shit gets weird. When I was 18 I had a 10 hour freakout after taking 2 hits of acid at a bluegrass festival in Oregon. Thank goodness everyone camped around me was super compassionate and I was able to find my way back to reality and not turn into a cup of orange juice forever. I experienced a lot of similarities to what you expressed in this post and certainly noticed objects moving even when I was sober for several months after.

As a member of bluelight for over a decade; I would advise you to stop now while your still ahead. Take a break and reevaluate your intentions. You may realize that you've gained everything psychedelic drugs have to offer for now. Keep moving forward with your life, the best way I found to do this is take a break from all drugs until you are feeling good and healthy again. Daily weed may not be as pleasurable as it used to be for awhile. Your psyche and body are telling you it's time to take a break, reflect and enjoy what you have already learned. When the time is right again you will know. Just remember to be vigilant with your psychedelic endeavors in the future.

Good for you to reach out and express everything that's been going on. You really have a talent for describing what you've experienced, I can tell you are a smart man.

 

[Emir98]

Thanks you're right. I will ask if there are any psychiatrists who may be also knowledgable on HPpD/psychedelics and its effect on mental health.
Also guys the trips I had on acid were good but I was drinking and smoking weed during it and I took the Tab at 11pm sleeping very later I'm the only one out of 10 people to have been negatively affected by it
For the hppd I barely have any visuals only the letters moving around which happens infrequently and I can tell it's all in my head because it only happens if my eyes aren't focused on whatever I'm reading. Odd. I've also had mild tinnitus which may be also to do with the hppd. Everything has a slight...shiny look it it like an almost purply tinge to it which...flashes in a way but it's hardly noticeable. It could also be something that is normal to see but my brain is now picking up on it

Either way I've learned my damn lessons with drugs, and life and I just want to be able to heal now and be back to normal. I surely deserve that much

 

[mountainrange]

Thanks you're right. I will ask if there are any psychiatrists who may be also knowledgable on HPpD/psychedelics and its effect on mental health.
Also guys the trips I had on acid were good but I was drinking and smoking weed during it and I took the Tab at 11pm sleeping very later I'm the only one out of 10 people to have been negatively affected by it
For the hppd I barely have any visuals only the letters moving around which happens infrequently and I can tell it's all in my head because it only happens if my eyes aren't focused on whatever I'm reading. Odd. I've also had mild tinnitus which may be also to do with the hppd. Everything has a slight...shiny look it it like an almost purply tinge to it which...flashes in a way but it's hardly noticeable. It could also be something that is normal to see but my brain is now picking up on it

Either way I've learned my damn lessons with drugs, and life and I just want to be able to heal now and be back to normal. I surely deserve that much

Abstinence from ALL drugs is best in this scenario, in my own opinion. I might of said, personally speaking, that weed could of helped with your recovery but I would take that back in a heartbeat knowing you have smoked it regularly and in large volumes (so to of massively increased your tolerance and decreased it's potential healing effects). Weed can be massively helpful to lift mental blocks and for getting creative as we all know but also you can enter into your psyche with it, especially if your tolerance is flickering like a speed dial at zero. This not being the case, no cannabis is the best option for you.

HPPD is not a hugely popular condition in the eyes of what I call 'front counter' medicine, this is mainly because it's not a condition many professionals have to face regularly, it's under reported on in the media or rarely referred to scientifically, and so simply many aren't trained to deal with it. That being said, there is no defined medication to treat it or any specific treatment options away from medication or in conjuction with. The condition itself is typically very benign as to not be responsible for causing long lasting damage. Of course, some people fall victim to the worser ends of the condition and fail to recover at all. This is where the media gets the fuel to stereotype acid users and use the rather scary "You won't ever come back" bullshit. The latter end of those taking acid, and subsequently the ones who develop serious long lasting psychiatric complaints don't come back but we are often times talking 99% of the time referring to psychosis here, rather than the odd light trail left in your vision or perhaps some derealization left over from a trip which may ease it's way through the next few days after a trip or maybe even longer. It's normal to get some sort of temporary side effect from taking LSD particularly directly afterwards, this is usually called the 'afterglow' effect and is responsible for the perception of things glowing (obviously) but also other phenomena that similarly can appear like that of symptoms of HPPD hours if not days after a trip but this shouldn't be confused with HPPD as HPPD is different, hence why it is a known medical condition. The condition does range in severity, but from what you said and for the majority of people, it's very mild and will no doubt have disappeared well into the next week or so. The usual time that HPPD lasts around for is typically anything from 24 hours to 2 weeks. Anything after a few months is beginning to verge on the extreme.

As for taking drugs. It doesn't necessarily have to be the END of drug use for you. That is solely your choice and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. How do you know it will be? I never imagined myself smoking weed in school but if I never smoked weed I'd of never met the people I met which would of meant I would of never chosen the paths I have chosen, most of which I'm extremely fortunate and thankful for. The same applies with acid. I moved to the city and met a guy who had taken it. I don't regret having taking it otherwise I'd of simultaneously regretted the follow-up to the experience which so happened to be one, if NOT, THE MOST life changing transformations of my life so far. I healed a majority of life sufferings in one 8 hour trip. So, never say never. Having said that, say no if you are not ready or not in the best shape. I was in the best shape in a long time the first time I took it at a high dose.

I always believe that psychedelics especially out of ALL drugs, require the MOST respect but unlike any other drug around, psychedelics are amongst the very rare drugs which can put you on your ass so very easily and at a time you cannot do much about it. And so, psychedelics are one of those drugs that can get you just by direct access to your own psyche alone, no addiction, no physical symptoms, just penetration of your very existence. As Love Potion quite rightly says, psychedelics place you in a very sensitive environment. You become as a person, very vulnerable, not just to the outside world; sounds, sight and touch, but also to yourself. If certain variables are not in place prior to tripping during your trip, you WILL experience those missing variables and it WILL affect your trip. So research and planning is very important, which is why forums like BL are here as are sites like Erowid and PsychonautWiki. Both will help you to make the most out of your psychedelic experiences as they will additionally for any other drug adventure.

Research is often the best deterrent for things going wrong. However, to counteract that argument, no research will ever prepare you for what is going on deep within your mind and that is something that psychedelics latch onto and manifest indiscriminately for the best part of your day, and so you can never be too sure about the outcome of the trip. Research, planning and preparation are vital to make the odds go in your favour. Don't let that put you off taking psychedelics (or any drug for that matter) just know that as a result of educating yourself, you will have better chances of knowing the ins and outs and therefore the pros and cons of a drug and subsequent use before you take it.

Give yourself the next few months off from smoking weed (try 3 months and this could include the possibility of all drugs as well) and then if you feel like hitting it up again, start off small (with the weed) and see how you react. With anything else, start small also. The aim of recovery is to embrace the healing process, accept your circumstances, bask in the goodness of the healing and do everything in your power to feel better and then, move on forward. Take this opportunity to be kind on yourself, learn from the experience and then if you feel like coming back, do so filling in the gaps you perhaps missed out last time.

All the best and hope I helped.