gate_of_truth
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Mar 7, 2015
- Messages
- 1
Disclaimer: I plan on editing the shit out of this whenever I want.
Setting
What my environment brought to the trip.
City
Amsterdam. Best decision ever.
Place
I started at a park and walked along the streets. It's always recommended to do mushrooms in nature. Until you know if you can handle the drug, this is really awesome advice.
Time
Although I don't know the exact time, it was very sunny out when I started, but became night for the last couple hours of my trip.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Set
What I brought to the trip.
Lucid Dreamer
I think this is probably the single most significant thing. I lucid dream. Lucid dreaming is when you become aware that you're dreaming and can then attempt to control your dream if you so wish. A psilocybin trip to me is just the opposite of a lucid dream. Look at it this way, a lucid dream is where your conscious self visits your unconscious self while you sleep. A psilocyibin trip can be looked at as your unconscious self coming and visiting you while you're awake. What this means is I already had a relationship with my unconscious self that I was very aware of before ever going into this trip. In fact, in one lucid dream, I decided to meet myself (this was planned while awake). The man I met and the feelings that came with it would turn out to be identical to my trip.
Physically
I'm in good health. Did them on an empty stomach as advised by the guy who sold me the shrooms.
Borderline Personality Disorder
My emotions are more intense than I can manage. My emotional highs and lows are more intense and it takes me longer to get back to my baseline. If I feel something, it's very easy to go with it and blow it way out of proportion, causing a rapid moodswing that could be over very quickly, or could last hours if I keep focusing on it. I also have moodswings that can last for days at a time. This is not the same as a rapid moodswing. It's more just a generic, background feeling such as apathy, boredom, emptiness, or sadness. I was not aware of my condition at this point in my life. At this point I was still under the impression that my emotions were "normal".
Mood
I had just had the happiest day of my life smoking weed and walking along the canals. This was the next day and I was set on trying mushrooms.
Stoner from California
From my experience, nothing, absolutely nothing comes close to the variety of distinct and powerful strains readily available in California. At this point, I had gone as far with weed as one could perceivable go with weed. I had once smoked 17 pre-rolled joints in a day (~0.7g each), and would casually smoke 5-10 if I felt like smoking joints that day. I had done too many edibles before. I was ready and curious to see what a real drug would be like.
Alcohol
Plenty of experience with alcohol.
Other Drugs
While I had tried some other drugs up to that point (such as cocaine and amphetamines), these prepared me more for the idea of trying a drug more than they did for the actual experience of psilocybin. This is in contrast with alcohol and weed, where I had really gone out and found my limits with those drugs, which I believed helped me in some sense to handle being surprised by a drug and not freaking out. As well as just respect for the power of drugs in general. It's important to note that at this point I had never done acid or experienced open eye hallucinations.
Things I knew about psilocybin going in
It's safe. The drug itself isn't going to kill or harm me. Everything that's about to happen is just part of the "trip".
It's gonna make me see shit. (i thought i was gonna get to see shit that wasn't there.)
Advice that I had gotten from other people
"Do them in nature." I followed this advice.
"Don't do them alone." I was more than confident not following this advice, but honestly, you have to know you. For me, knowing that the drug is safe is the only thing I needed to know to know that I'd be ok doing the drug alone.
Advice I wish I had gotten
Find a bathroom before you trip. My first 2 trips had a period in which I was trying to find a bathroom near or in the park, which was fucking impossible. This caused me to leave the park on my first trip, something I don't think I should have done. Crossing the street is extremely stupid and dangerous when you're hallucinating. Luckily I was in Amsterdam, where the locals are used to dumbass tourists getting too high. To this day, I'm convinced there's no fucking restrooms in that park.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Story
Buying the Stuff (you can skip this, the point is i did a good amount of psilocybin, but not an overly large amount)
In Amsterdam, their is a fact based fear of tourists consuming too many mushrooms and disturbing the public. So I knew shopkeepers were going to be hesitant with me if they knew I didn't have a lot of experience. I resolved this by telling the guy I had done DMT all the way to the moon, but that I wasn't looking to go big on my first mushroom trip. (Truthfully, I had done DMT, but only a very small amount. Not enough for a real trip.) The guy got all wide eyed and started explaining with newfound enthusiasm the different levels of potency they had for sale. I picked the lowest one that he said would produce good visuals. I wanted to see shit, and by fuck, I was going to. Naturally, this was much stronger than any shop owner would recommend to a first time user, and honestly it ended up being the perfect amount. The main problem is that because of the laws in holland they sell psilocybin through truffles. This means I have no idea how to translate the dosage in shrooms. However, if anyone ever goes to Amsterdam, the one I had is called Atlantis.
The Main Fucking Event
I sat on a bench, staring across the sunlit grass and trees, listening to the far away sound of people's voices as they played with their dogs. I had taken the psilocibin almost 20 minutes ago and knew it would kick in at any moment. By relaxing my eyes, I blurred my vision, hoping this would help me transition out of reality. Then I noticed my vision shifting, I had experienced this on weed before, I welcomed this, encouraged this. Then I lost it. After a minute or two, my vision shifted once more. Then stopped once more. This continued and increased in frequency until one time, everything started pulsing, the trees, the grass, everything. A transparent kaleidoscope like pattern started to appear as an overlay like something cartoons about drugs tend to recreate. The pattern pulsed and moved (the trees and grass all moved and pulsed with this pattern), and slowly became more intense and clear. I thought to myself, "This is my perfect pattern. This must be the pattern that my mind naturally goes to, the one it thinks is perfect. I wish I could remember this pattern save it into the real world so that I can share my pattern with other people." but I knew that I didn't have the artistic ability to memorize a pattern and recreate it. So I moved on to other thoughts. The pattern grew out into the sky, and as the sky became the pattern, I felt like I was in a dome. A dome of reality. And in this moment, I truly understood something for the first time. You see most of us understand the concept that perception is reality. That our brains create everything we see, touch, hear. But it's one thing to know something, it's another thing to truly understand it. If I told you my dad died, you could probably empathize and try to understand how shitty that feels and what must be going on in my mind. But only once you've also had a parent die, can you really, truly understand what that's like. So that's what I mean here when I say truly understand something. To have really experienced it. To have really experienced my brain creating my reality. To know what that really means. And then it spiraled from there. It was like being shown the gate of truth. Every question I had ever had about myself was answered, and I gained complete understanding of who I am. And by understanding myself, I could empathize so much more with others. I came to understand that myself, my conscious self, is just a small part of the being that is me. That there is a much larger overall self, dictating and perceiving my entire reality. Not separate parts, but subsections of the same part, me. That every time I prayed, there was someone listening. A great analogy for this is sending a text to yourself. If you do this you'll notice you actually get 2 copies of the same text. The text you sent, and the text you received. In the same way, every thought is both me speaking the thought and me listening to the thought. That my entire perception of reality, not just what I saw, heard, and touched but what I felt about people, ideas, things was all being created by my brain, that my 'reality', things like what i think and feel when meeting someone for the first time, that all of it was just manufactured, that my 'reality' is created by an ever changing and growing person (me). And while I may have great influence over that unconscious self, it has much, much more influence over me. I thought about many, many things and had so many questions answered. One of these things was a concept i created as a kid to think of thoughts as different voices. As I thought about this, I started recreating scenes in my head of these thoughts as voices. There was a very insecure voice, weak, afraid. Another voice stood up for this voice. I realized, that that's who I truly am. I am the voice that stood up for the other voices. This was incredibly important to me. The idea made me incredibly manic (something I experience quite often in the normal course of my life). I had to remember this. Throughout the trip, I dramatically created scenes and metaphors in my head that imbued this idea so that I could continue to relive the emotion putting more emphasis on remembering it. During this trip, I had visuals in which the ground was constantly shifting in and out, but I completely trusted myself to walk and understood that I was on drugs. The visuals were absolutely the least interesting thing about mushrooms, and certainly not the real reason to try this drug. In addition to this, I will say that it felt like I was basically having a long, deep ass conversation with myself, my whole self. And it felt like he had waited so fucking long to show me all these things. I found out that I love me, I absolutely love me, and I didn't know that before. I couldn't know that before. The BPD had created way too much self doubt in me up to that point. Hanging out with me, felt like my unconscious self just wrapped his arms around me and gave me a big hug the whole time. After the initial peak of about 1 hour, I felt done. I felt like I had learned enough, and knew what I wanted to take back to reality. The trip continued anyway of course. At one point during the several hours I still had left in my trip, I got entertained with this feeling that I had been initiated into a secret club and all I could think at one point during the trip was, "who else has done mushrooms? who else has seen this? Why has no one ever told me about this before? How did my friend who tried mushrooms not MAKE ME do this." This is where I realized the trick of the drug, the trick of basically being able to make anything make sense. As a lucid dreamer, I understood the limits to this power. I couldn't know anything I don't already know. I couldn't do anything I don't already know how to do. IE I can't predict the future in a lucid dream, read a book while I'm asleep, or solve a problem that I don't have any idea how to solve (like calculating the amount of force it would take to knock over the empire state building). In a dream btw, things are the same way. If i'm not lucid I'm constantly justifying why things are the way they are (oh yeah, zach has a zebra for a head because he had surgery. science is capable of that now.). It's this absolute compulsion to make sense of things, and I can't stress how important it is to be able to catch this and understand the difference between insight and bullshit (the key aspect to being able to lucid dream). I did 3 trips while in Amsterdam and only one time did I ever get a taste of what a bad mushroom trip might be like. It happened while I was relieving myself in an outhouse (the only bathroom I could find). The outhouse started to feel like it was closing in on me and I understood how someone could have a bad trip. However, this actually felt exactly the same way it feels when I'm in a lucid dream fighting my subconscious for control. I knew the key wasn't to fight, but to talk to my subconscious self as my deepest friend and ally. This actually excited me a bit, and I wanted to experience what doing just a little bit too much psilocybin is like, just to see if I could handle it, would I swim or drown. One small result of this trip is that I no longer see dreaming the same way. Before it was unclear to me what dreams were and I didn't know whether I should go with my dreams or embrace lucidity. Now I see dreaming as all of the voices that didn't get a chance to speak during the day finally getting a chance to talk. When I dream, I want to listen. I want to respect and love my subconscious self. I don't want to use my subconscious as just some virtual sandbox to recreate my fantasies. It's me. I now think people's relationship with God is actually a technique for forming a relationship with their higher self. Regardless of what you think about that, psilocybin aka mushrooms deeply changed me more than any other experience to date. I will never be the same. To know myself, to know then and forever just how much love I have for myself. That was a truly amazing gift that will stay with me until the day I die. No person had or could have given me this. It's something I needed to truly understand, to fully experience. It's why even if you don't want to do drugs, you need to respect other people's rights to.
Setting
What my environment brought to the trip.
City
Amsterdam. Best decision ever.
Place
I started at a park and walked along the streets. It's always recommended to do mushrooms in nature. Until you know if you can handle the drug, this is really awesome advice.
Time
Although I don't know the exact time, it was very sunny out when I started, but became night for the last couple hours of my trip.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Set
What I brought to the trip.
Lucid Dreamer
I think this is probably the single most significant thing. I lucid dream. Lucid dreaming is when you become aware that you're dreaming and can then attempt to control your dream if you so wish. A psilocybin trip to me is just the opposite of a lucid dream. Look at it this way, a lucid dream is where your conscious self visits your unconscious self while you sleep. A psilocyibin trip can be looked at as your unconscious self coming and visiting you while you're awake. What this means is I already had a relationship with my unconscious self that I was very aware of before ever going into this trip. In fact, in one lucid dream, I decided to meet myself (this was planned while awake). The man I met and the feelings that came with it would turn out to be identical to my trip.
Physically
I'm in good health. Did them on an empty stomach as advised by the guy who sold me the shrooms.
Borderline Personality Disorder
My emotions are more intense than I can manage. My emotional highs and lows are more intense and it takes me longer to get back to my baseline. If I feel something, it's very easy to go with it and blow it way out of proportion, causing a rapid moodswing that could be over very quickly, or could last hours if I keep focusing on it. I also have moodswings that can last for days at a time. This is not the same as a rapid moodswing. It's more just a generic, background feeling such as apathy, boredom, emptiness, or sadness. I was not aware of my condition at this point in my life. At this point I was still under the impression that my emotions were "normal".
Mood
I had just had the happiest day of my life smoking weed and walking along the canals. This was the next day and I was set on trying mushrooms.
Stoner from California
From my experience, nothing, absolutely nothing comes close to the variety of distinct and powerful strains readily available in California. At this point, I had gone as far with weed as one could perceivable go with weed. I had once smoked 17 pre-rolled joints in a day (~0.7g each), and would casually smoke 5-10 if I felt like smoking joints that day. I had done too many edibles before. I was ready and curious to see what a real drug would be like.
Alcohol
Plenty of experience with alcohol.
Other Drugs
While I had tried some other drugs up to that point (such as cocaine and amphetamines), these prepared me more for the idea of trying a drug more than they did for the actual experience of psilocybin. This is in contrast with alcohol and weed, where I had really gone out and found my limits with those drugs, which I believed helped me in some sense to handle being surprised by a drug and not freaking out. As well as just respect for the power of drugs in general. It's important to note that at this point I had never done acid or experienced open eye hallucinations.
Things I knew about psilocybin going in
It's safe. The drug itself isn't going to kill or harm me. Everything that's about to happen is just part of the "trip".
It's gonna make me see shit. (i thought i was gonna get to see shit that wasn't there.)
Advice that I had gotten from other people
"Do them in nature." I followed this advice.
"Don't do them alone." I was more than confident not following this advice, but honestly, you have to know you. For me, knowing that the drug is safe is the only thing I needed to know to know that I'd be ok doing the drug alone.
Advice I wish I had gotten
Find a bathroom before you trip. My first 2 trips had a period in which I was trying to find a bathroom near or in the park, which was fucking impossible. This caused me to leave the park on my first trip, something I don't think I should have done. Crossing the street is extremely stupid and dangerous when you're hallucinating. Luckily I was in Amsterdam, where the locals are used to dumbass tourists getting too high. To this day, I'm convinced there's no fucking restrooms in that park.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Story
Buying the Stuff (you can skip this, the point is i did a good amount of psilocybin, but not an overly large amount)
In Amsterdam, their is a fact based fear of tourists consuming too many mushrooms and disturbing the public. So I knew shopkeepers were going to be hesitant with me if they knew I didn't have a lot of experience. I resolved this by telling the guy I had done DMT all the way to the moon, but that I wasn't looking to go big on my first mushroom trip. (Truthfully, I had done DMT, but only a very small amount. Not enough for a real trip.) The guy got all wide eyed and started explaining with newfound enthusiasm the different levels of potency they had for sale. I picked the lowest one that he said would produce good visuals. I wanted to see shit, and by fuck, I was going to. Naturally, this was much stronger than any shop owner would recommend to a first time user, and honestly it ended up being the perfect amount. The main problem is that because of the laws in holland they sell psilocybin through truffles. This means I have no idea how to translate the dosage in shrooms. However, if anyone ever goes to Amsterdam, the one I had is called Atlantis.
The Main Fucking Event
I sat on a bench, staring across the sunlit grass and trees, listening to the far away sound of people's voices as they played with their dogs. I had taken the psilocibin almost 20 minutes ago and knew it would kick in at any moment. By relaxing my eyes, I blurred my vision, hoping this would help me transition out of reality. Then I noticed my vision shifting, I had experienced this on weed before, I welcomed this, encouraged this. Then I lost it. After a minute or two, my vision shifted once more. Then stopped once more. This continued and increased in frequency until one time, everything started pulsing, the trees, the grass, everything. A transparent kaleidoscope like pattern started to appear as an overlay like something cartoons about drugs tend to recreate. The pattern pulsed and moved (the trees and grass all moved and pulsed with this pattern), and slowly became more intense and clear. I thought to myself, "This is my perfect pattern. This must be the pattern that my mind naturally goes to, the one it thinks is perfect. I wish I could remember this pattern save it into the real world so that I can share my pattern with other people." but I knew that I didn't have the artistic ability to memorize a pattern and recreate it. So I moved on to other thoughts. The pattern grew out into the sky, and as the sky became the pattern, I felt like I was in a dome. A dome of reality. And in this moment, I truly understood something for the first time. You see most of us understand the concept that perception is reality. That our brains create everything we see, touch, hear. But it's one thing to know something, it's another thing to truly understand it. If I told you my dad died, you could probably empathize and try to understand how shitty that feels and what must be going on in my mind. But only once you've also had a parent die, can you really, truly understand what that's like. So that's what I mean here when I say truly understand something. To have really experienced it. To have really experienced my brain creating my reality. To know what that really means. And then it spiraled from there. It was like being shown the gate of truth. Every question I had ever had about myself was answered, and I gained complete understanding of who I am. And by understanding myself, I could empathize so much more with others. I came to understand that myself, my conscious self, is just a small part of the being that is me. That there is a much larger overall self, dictating and perceiving my entire reality. Not separate parts, but subsections of the same part, me. That every time I prayed, there was someone listening. A great analogy for this is sending a text to yourself. If you do this you'll notice you actually get 2 copies of the same text. The text you sent, and the text you received. In the same way, every thought is both me speaking the thought and me listening to the thought. That my entire perception of reality, not just what I saw, heard, and touched but what I felt about people, ideas, things was all being created by my brain, that my 'reality', things like what i think and feel when meeting someone for the first time, that all of it was just manufactured, that my 'reality' is created by an ever changing and growing person (me). And while I may have great influence over that unconscious self, it has much, much more influence over me. I thought about many, many things and had so many questions answered. One of these things was a concept i created as a kid to think of thoughts as different voices. As I thought about this, I started recreating scenes in my head of these thoughts as voices. There was a very insecure voice, weak, afraid. Another voice stood up for this voice. I realized, that that's who I truly am. I am the voice that stood up for the other voices. This was incredibly important to me. The idea made me incredibly manic (something I experience quite often in the normal course of my life). I had to remember this. Throughout the trip, I dramatically created scenes and metaphors in my head that imbued this idea so that I could continue to relive the emotion putting more emphasis on remembering it. During this trip, I had visuals in which the ground was constantly shifting in and out, but I completely trusted myself to walk and understood that I was on drugs. The visuals were absolutely the least interesting thing about mushrooms, and certainly not the real reason to try this drug. In addition to this, I will say that it felt like I was basically having a long, deep ass conversation with myself, my whole self. And it felt like he had waited so fucking long to show me all these things. I found out that I love me, I absolutely love me, and I didn't know that before. I couldn't know that before. The BPD had created way too much self doubt in me up to that point. Hanging out with me, felt like my unconscious self just wrapped his arms around me and gave me a big hug the whole time. After the initial peak of about 1 hour, I felt done. I felt like I had learned enough, and knew what I wanted to take back to reality. The trip continued anyway of course. At one point during the several hours I still had left in my trip, I got entertained with this feeling that I had been initiated into a secret club and all I could think at one point during the trip was, "who else has done mushrooms? who else has seen this? Why has no one ever told me about this before? How did my friend who tried mushrooms not MAKE ME do this." This is where I realized the trick of the drug, the trick of basically being able to make anything make sense. As a lucid dreamer, I understood the limits to this power. I couldn't know anything I don't already know. I couldn't do anything I don't already know how to do. IE I can't predict the future in a lucid dream, read a book while I'm asleep, or solve a problem that I don't have any idea how to solve (like calculating the amount of force it would take to knock over the empire state building). In a dream btw, things are the same way. If i'm not lucid I'm constantly justifying why things are the way they are (oh yeah, zach has a zebra for a head because he had surgery. science is capable of that now.). It's this absolute compulsion to make sense of things, and I can't stress how important it is to be able to catch this and understand the difference between insight and bullshit (the key aspect to being able to lucid dream). I did 3 trips while in Amsterdam and only one time did I ever get a taste of what a bad mushroom trip might be like. It happened while I was relieving myself in an outhouse (the only bathroom I could find). The outhouse started to feel like it was closing in on me and I understood how someone could have a bad trip. However, this actually felt exactly the same way it feels when I'm in a lucid dream fighting my subconscious for control. I knew the key wasn't to fight, but to talk to my subconscious self as my deepest friend and ally. This actually excited me a bit, and I wanted to experience what doing just a little bit too much psilocybin is like, just to see if I could handle it, would I swim or drown. One small result of this trip is that I no longer see dreaming the same way. Before it was unclear to me what dreams were and I didn't know whether I should go with my dreams or embrace lucidity. Now I see dreaming as all of the voices that didn't get a chance to speak during the day finally getting a chance to talk. When I dream, I want to listen. I want to respect and love my subconscious self. I don't want to use my subconscious as just some virtual sandbox to recreate my fantasies. It's me. I now think people's relationship with God is actually a technique for forming a relationship with their higher self. Regardless of what you think about that, psilocybin aka mushrooms deeply changed me more than any other experience to date. I will never be the same. To know myself, to know then and forever just how much love I have for myself. That was a truly amazing gift that will stay with me until the day I die. No person had or could have given me this. It's something I needed to truly understand, to fully experience. It's why even if you don't want to do drugs, you need to respect other people's rights to.
Last edited:
