Hello, I am a 14yr old male. I apologize if this is the inappropriate forum to post this in, but it relates to dissociative, deliriant, and cannabis use at what most would most likely consider early-mid adolescence.
This will be relatively long because I want to be specific as I am quite confused.
My story starts out during July 2021 (I was late 13), where my older brother introduced me to the darkweb. Earlier in this year, I consumed THC edibles that I stole from him 4 times, all within the span of 2 months, this was during Spring, February to early April. Anyway, being introduced to the darkweb and it's markets, I realized I could obtain THC oil carts for 6-10 bucks a cart (I didn't know at the time these were "fake carts" and potentially toxic) My family is pretty wealthy and generous, so I could ask for a 100$ dollar gift card and exchange it for crypto that I could use to get ~10 carts. I used these carts, about 2 a week, from July 2021-January 2022. I very shortly got interested in DXM after hearing about it from one of my friends.
During this time, about early August 2021, in fact I believe this binge started on August 11th, I went on a Dextromethorphan (DXM) binge for 4 days. I took 300mg DXM each night except for the last where I ended with 450mg, I also only slept about 5 hours during that time. After now doing research and reading user reports along with my young age (still 13 at the time), I am surprised I don't have lasting DP/DR or psychosis. I also later consumed DXM 2 times after that, a 480mg dose in mid September and a 800mg dose in late October.
This following part I will talk about is by far the one I most regret, because I believe this is the reason I have (at least I believe) HPPD, though heavy cannabis use probably also contributed. On October 30th 2021, I remember because it was the day before Halloween, I decided to take 300-800mg of Benadryl (DPH). I can't remember exactly because this day is a massive blur of me shoving pink pills down my throat. DPH also sucks, not even fun, I wish I discovered this site and the substance subreddits before doing this because I would realize it's not fun and it 100% causes some form of damage.
The week before the DPH I also got into my parents liquor and drank some whiskey, but I don't think this contributed anything at all to my potential damage. After my Benadryl experience I stopped with all drugs except for my weed. This year I heavily decreased my usage after discovering sites such as this, erowid, and the drug-related subreddits. I was clean of weed during most of the early year, but I picked up delta 8 in March after believing it was neurologically safer because it doesn't bind as much to the cannabinoid receptors in the brain, but I don't think that's vey true anymore. I got off of D8 in late may but picked up weed again this June/July but only for 2 weeks and it was some delta 9 flower. As of now I am about to be 1 month free of any drugs. Anyways that's my massive backstory and now on to the more important parts.
The reason I called this "Possible damage" is because, other than my HPPD, and I've done plenty of research and reading user reports ands articles and I definitely have mild-moderate HPPD, but I have grown semi-used to it and it's not as scary as it once was, I don't believe I have any other damage to my brain, at least anything significant. In fact, I'm top of my class and my memory hasn't changed much, so I don't believe I've done any intellectual related damage. I also feel a strange sense of everyday contentment and appreciation for life and the things and people around me, and I'm more social. I used to be quite ignorant to my family and I didn't have much friends because I was a real asshole, the type of person that thinks they are above everyone else. I'm a lot more polite and respectful to those around me, and feel more empathy towards them, and I would never do something as messed up as stealing shit from my brother, a person who I greatly care for and love.
Anyways, sorry for the half-biography, but I'm just very very confused because from the user reports and scientific studies I read, I should be lacking in cognitive skills from marijuana usage and have depression from DXM and DPH usage, but I feel as smart as I was before and I feel the happiest I have been in a long time. I also make sure to exercise everyday now, ever since this past month, something my Asperger's syndrome overweight self would never consider doing before, so perhaps that has to do with the mood improvement? I hope someone with a similar experience or with more knowledge under their belt can help me out, is this a false sense of security and I'm going to fall back into the "trap" even if it was just mainly cannabis? Thank you for reading this far, and I hope you can help me out.
This will be relatively long because I want to be specific as I am quite confused.
My story starts out during July 2021 (I was late 13), where my older brother introduced me to the darkweb. Earlier in this year, I consumed THC edibles that I stole from him 4 times, all within the span of 2 months, this was during Spring, February to early April. Anyway, being introduced to the darkweb and it's markets, I realized I could obtain THC oil carts for 6-10 bucks a cart (I didn't know at the time these were "fake carts" and potentially toxic) My family is pretty wealthy and generous, so I could ask for a 100$ dollar gift card and exchange it for crypto that I could use to get ~10 carts. I used these carts, about 2 a week, from July 2021-January 2022. I very shortly got interested in DXM after hearing about it from one of my friends.
During this time, about early August 2021, in fact I believe this binge started on August 11th, I went on a Dextromethorphan (DXM) binge for 4 days. I took 300mg DXM each night except for the last where I ended with 450mg, I also only slept about 5 hours during that time. After now doing research and reading user reports along with my young age (still 13 at the time), I am surprised I don't have lasting DP/DR or psychosis. I also later consumed DXM 2 times after that, a 480mg dose in mid September and a 800mg dose in late October.
This following part I will talk about is by far the one I most regret, because I believe this is the reason I have (at least I believe) HPPD, though heavy cannabis use probably also contributed. On October 30th 2021, I remember because it was the day before Halloween, I decided to take 300-800mg of Benadryl (DPH). I can't remember exactly because this day is a massive blur of me shoving pink pills down my throat. DPH also sucks, not even fun, I wish I discovered this site and the substance subreddits before doing this because I would realize it's not fun and it 100% causes some form of damage.
The week before the DPH I also got into my parents liquor and drank some whiskey, but I don't think this contributed anything at all to my potential damage. After my Benadryl experience I stopped with all drugs except for my weed. This year I heavily decreased my usage after discovering sites such as this, erowid, and the drug-related subreddits. I was clean of weed during most of the early year, but I picked up delta 8 in March after believing it was neurologically safer because it doesn't bind as much to the cannabinoid receptors in the brain, but I don't think that's vey true anymore. I got off of D8 in late may but picked up weed again this June/July but only for 2 weeks and it was some delta 9 flower. As of now I am about to be 1 month free of any drugs. Anyways that's my massive backstory and now on to the more important parts.
The reason I called this "Possible damage" is because, other than my HPPD, and I've done plenty of research and reading user reports ands articles and I definitely have mild-moderate HPPD, but I have grown semi-used to it and it's not as scary as it once was, I don't believe I have any other damage to my brain, at least anything significant. In fact, I'm top of my class and my memory hasn't changed much, so I don't believe I've done any intellectual related damage. I also feel a strange sense of everyday contentment and appreciation for life and the things and people around me, and I'm more social. I used to be quite ignorant to my family and I didn't have much friends because I was a real asshole, the type of person that thinks they are above everyone else. I'm a lot more polite and respectful to those around me, and feel more empathy towards them, and I would never do something as messed up as stealing shit from my brother, a person who I greatly care for and love.
Anyways, sorry for the half-biography, but I'm just very very confused because from the user reports and scientific studies I read, I should be lacking in cognitive skills from marijuana usage and have depression from DXM and DPH usage, but I feel as smart as I was before and I feel the happiest I have been in a long time. I also make sure to exercise everyday now, ever since this past month, something my Asperger's syndrome overweight self would never consider doing before, so perhaps that has to do with the mood improvement? I hope someone with a similar experience or with more knowledge under their belt can help me out, is this a false sense of security and I'm going to fall back into the "trap" even if it was just mainly cannabis? Thank you for reading this far, and I hope you can help me out.