Please Help

[BeastlyBiscuit]

SWIM dropped acid (or some kind of hallucinogen, but he was told it was acid and he's pretty sure) for the first time last year and only dropped one tab that was supposedly "dipped" or something like that. He left the place he originallly dropped to walk a friend home and then go home. After his friend left, the trip started to go south. He got really paranoid on the way home and decided to listen to some music (Misifts) which only seemed to make it worse and right before he got there, he walked around his neighborhood stressing about how he'd get past his parents without them noticing (he didn't do a very good job). He eventually worked up the courage (or something like that) to walk through the door and was greeted by his parents. Immediately he started to panic and tried to act normal and get past them. He then retreated to the bathroom (one of the places he felt like he could be alone and "safe") and tried ti shower. The walls started breathing and his reflection seemed distorted. He went back to his room and tried playing a little world of warcraft before giving up and just turning the lights out and trying to sleep. He did eventually pass out in the early hours of the morning after trying to eat/drink at some point and giving up out of fear of choking. The trip was overall really bad but he still can't quite explain what made it so bad. He still doesnt feel the same after a year and never saw anyone about it. He is afraid that he might have some sort of drug-induced psychosis and I want to know what I could fo to help him.

Sorry for the long story but this has been bothering he and I for some time. We don't know where to go from here.

 

[Kaleida]

Hey BeastlyBiscuit, welcome to the forum. For the record, we don't SWIM here, you can just talk openly.

I am sorry that you had a negative experience, and that it's been giving you such a hard time since then. I'd like to think that some of us here will be able to help you, but first I would like to ask for a little more information. You have described the trip you had that left you in the mindset you're in now, and that's a start, but it doesn't really tell us much about what you're dealing with at the moment. How have your behaviors, feelings, or perceptions changed since you had this trip? What kinds of problems has it been giving you exactly?

 

[sekio]

I would suggest that if you've made it a whole year without talking to anyone about this, you are a mighty strong individual!

It sounds to me like you are just seeking some sort of closure. A stressful event like having to dodge your parents while on LSD can seem all that much worse when it's magnified with the lens psychedelics force upon you. When you experience stressful events like these it can seem that they leave a permanent mark on you, but you must realize that it's not a sign of physical damage - more like a mental reminder that what you did in the past should be done differently in the future.

If you become worried about being damaged it can certainly be a persistent stressor. But again, I would say that you're probably just fine if you managed to hold out a whole year. It sounds stupid and obvious, but the best thing to do in these cases is try to move forward with a smile on your face. What's done is done and you are walking away from the experience a better , wiser person.

 

[AirJesus]

I agree with sekio, I've had some rather disturbing instances on acid, they stuck with me for weeks, some even months, but in the long run, they will make you a stronger person. There's countless things that could have scared you or been of epic proportion on your mind, but don't worry about them, you've come this far, as mentioned earlier. Don't doubt the strength of your mind.

I remember my first trip I took 1 tab, waited 30 min, did the ol' "I don't feel it, better take 1 and a half more". Foolish I know. Then i felt the first tab 5 min after I'd taken the second. I was shook the next morning and even shed some tears while sober. But it slowly came to light how amazing that experience was, no matter how scary. Like he said earlier, smile man. Youve gone thru it, and you're stronger because of it.

And personally I tell my parents about my crazy trips a year or two after. They often look at me Like I'm crazy but it feels good to share with them once it's in your past.

Keep smiling brudduh :D

 

[Clocktower]

The trip was overall really bad but he still can't quite explain what made it so bad.

It was your first trip, you were alone, you were hungry/thirsty, you were sleep-deprived, you sought comfort in a bathroom, and you spent the whole night worried your parents would find out. That's pretty much all the common causes of bad trips rolled into one.

 

[BeastlyBiscuit]

Ever since, it seems like the way I interact with people and how I go about my daily life has changed. Like things just seem off and I can't quite explain it. It was really bad closer to January. I would sit in my room or somewhere I could be alone for hours and just think about weird shit like whether or not all this was real and if I'm just in a coma somewhere and my mind is making up its own stories to simulate life going on as it would have normally or if I'm dead and stuff like that. But I just get paranoid really easily and I'll have trouble sleeping. And when I finally do sleep, I have to reassure myself that I'm awake once I wake up. My dreams are weird and vivd as shit and none of this seemed this way before acid and it scares me honestly.

 

[BeastlyBiscuit]

I apologize for SWIMing, Kaleida
And thank you all!!

 

[Crashing]

Acid opens your mind, you can't go back to knowing less.

 

[Solipsis]

LSD can imprint powerful experiences. Both positive and negative experiences can result in changes that can last a long time but not necessarily indefinitely.

Since stress, anxiety and fear seem clear as the 'charge' your trip had - the psychedelic acted as a catalyst to imprint those emotions into you making them more easy to come out after that. There can be any number of things you now associate with such feelings, that weren't connected that way before.

There are a number of ways to reverse this over time. A potentially fast way that people sometimes try is to trip again but this is risky and irresponsible since it only has positive effect if you have ways to 'ensure' a proper therapeutic confrontation with these feelings and a catharsis, otherwise they can get reinforced if you don't know what you're doing.. so that's not recommended even if you felt like it.

You can also talk to someone about it, to address your feelings just by the talking, to find out more about what's behind it and what might be making you fearful or insecure about what happened. Ideally if your parents aren't the strict unforgiving type, it would be good to be open with them. If it's been having a bad effect on you to bottle it up and close yourself off, talking it out may be the better option on the long term. But it depends on whether your parents find it more worrying if you have negative or confused feelings than having broken their rules about drugs.

The general social awkwardness and paranoia can indeed just be a part of a response to how aware you are. More aware of yourself, even introverted deep in thought. Or it could be more concerning and a sign of depersonalization or derealization which can both vary in severity - so I won't say that easily that it's some sort of disorder... but you do describe it as dysfunctional and debilitating, at least a bit. I'm hearing more derealization than depersonalization with the e.g. 'things being off' and the strange ideation.

These issues I might say involve difficulty with having a firm grip on who you feel you are and what is real (whatever that means). I can imagine that your negative trip made you feel like you lost control in the sense that you couldn't avoid your parents and you couldn't sleep or make the trip stop when you really felt like you needed it to... and that you strongly wanted to escape from it. It appears this shocked you into feeling disconnected... so it's important to try and connect again: by talking with people and engaging in life to make you feel that you are in it, rather than wanting to escape and stay in your own internal world too easily.

In any case it does make it even more recommended to stay away from drugs, in particular cannabis.. also psychedelics. You need to be able to 'ground' and have things feel real and stable enough in between trips before doing anything like that again. Doesn't sound like you had any interest in it anyway, but just to be complete.

Of course I could be off with my judgement, so let us know what about this rings a bell and what doesnt. I don't agree that it is 'just a bad trip' since those don't have to change you that much for a whole year, but it also really wouldnt go as far as a triggered mental illness either. Somewhere in between I think: a mental shift that should be reversible, while you are now keeping yourself in the same place by not making resolution happen, or what others call closure.

Good luck, keep your head up it's good to be respectful of your fears a bit - it's no good going too fast and panicking... but on the other hand, probably some 'exposure therapy' is overdue.

 

[BeastlyBiscuit]

I kinda get what you're saying about the cannabis thing. It doesn't feel how it used to and usually leads to me freaking out and being all bleh. All of it sounds pretty spot on actually. Thank you so much, man.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Try talking to people about this. Also take a long break from all drugs including herb as someone else posted.

 

[Incunabula]

I think the best you can do is eat healthy, exercise a lot. Maybe start doing yoga or meditation, or maybe get a creative hobby like painting or playing music. What ever interests you. As has been already said, it can help to talk to some one, so some kind of a therapist might be an option.

Depending on where you live, I'd say that if you go to a psychiatrist, he might prescibe you pills (like benzodiazepines, anti-psychotics or anti-depressants) Don't go down that road. In my opinion, in cases like yours it's often just going to make things worse, exchanging one problem for another - It's much better to work through it yourself.

As others said, refrain from all drugs, also cannabis, untill you feel better again. A little alcohol can be okay though, I guess,

But most important, stay positive, because you will get better. So just hang in there and let time do what it does best. And remember, It might be a cliché, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

 

[mr peabody]

The first order of business with any psychedelic substance, especially for the novice, is to avoid doing too much. Of key importance to this is understanding that some people have a MUCH lower tolerance to psychedelics than others. For example, everyone you're with is taking 2-3 tabs, and they're all having a great time, but you can only handle 1/4 tab. THIS IS PERFECTLY NORMAL. There are certain rules you need to follow to ensure your own safety, and no one else is ever responsible for that.

Never listen to ANYONE concerning dose. Only you can establish your tolerance to these substances. You do this by trial and error. Start with 1/4 tab, and if that goes well, next time try 1/2. You need to follow this procedure with each new batch and/or substance. Mind that 1/2 tab of one substance can be MUCH stronger than 1/2 tab of another, so even if you did well with 1/2 tab of one, you can easily find yourself over your head on 1/2 tab of something else. And we're not even talking different drug here. Maybe it's a new batch from the same source that is much stronger than the first. Always approach your tolerance gradually by testing each new batch and/or substance youself.

There are some amazing substances out there these days that are readily available and easy to get, among them 4-HO-MET (5mg is a safe place to start) and ALD-52 (1/4 blotter or 30 mics). There is a lot of information on Bluelight about these, and you really need to know about them. Something else you need to know: Mushrooms are high anxiety for a lot of people, and I advise you to steer clear of those until you are more experienced.

People will disagree with me, and I'm fine with that, but never smoke marijuana when your tripping. That certainly CAN cause a bad trip, and it has happened to me repeatedly.

 

[Solipsis]

Yeah the above advice is sound, it is how you titrate. But actually if you have enough experience you can smoke weed while tripping but you would need to take your own advice and titrate the weed very carefully as it can indeed quickly become too much and you may require much less weed than you would normally smoke. It also requires knowing when you're peaking hard enough already and recognizing how much you can handle. As long as you don't have a firm grip on that yet, it's safer to keep it simple and not smoke weed while tripping I agree.

It's a nice picture, Mr Peabody, but I'm afraid it does clutter up the forum as it is not a contribution related to the topic, but rather decorative or ornamental like a signature some other fora have. I must ask you to cease and desist my friend.
Imagine if everyone would start doing that, and how it obscures facile reading of the thread. We do have a lovely psychedelic art topic, several in fact: http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/599104-The-Big-amp-Dandy-Psychedelic-Art-Poetry-Thread-Round-2 (other ones can be found via the Index - link at the top of the page)