Mental Health Please Help. First time posting. Need major advice.

[itsysraw]

Hi there! I'm new here, this is my first post. I don't even know if anyone will respond. I'll try to make this as short as possible. I suffer from Bipolar Disorder & Anxiety. I was taking medication for it and it helped a lot. After a couple months, I go to get my script filled and they drug tested me (which they never did before). They found marijuana in my system and because of this, completely cut me off all my medication. Not thinking clearly, and being in denial and angry, I decided to continue to smoke and see how I would feel without my meds. BIG MISTAKE. I have been 'self medicating' myself with marijuana and Xanax. At first I thought it was working. I can live like this. Well I was and am wrong. The more days that pass, the more Xanax I need to take to help with my anxiety. (Like I said, I don't have a prescription for it). I just buy them off the streets. My mood disorder is out of control, I feel alone, depressed, and disgusted with myself for thinking I could control my Xanax usage and not get addicted to it like I am now. I have had drug problems in the past (years ago), got completely clean for years. Now I feel like I'm stuck because I know I cannot stop cold turkey. I want to get back on my mood stabilizers and anti-depressants because I cannot live like this anymore. I've decided to try my hardest to stop smoking marijuana. That's really not what concerns me. What concerns me the most is this: If I go to my psychiatrist, be completely honest and explain to them I've been self medicating myself with Xanax I get off the streets, because they took me off my medication, what is going to happen? Can I get in trouble for this? I want to stop taking EVERYTHING. I don't want benzos anymore, I don't want marijuana. I don't drink. I just want to feel happy again and get my life back. I just don't know which way to go. Today is the first day of trying to 'ween' myself off the Xanax. I'm trying to do this alone because I do not know where to go to get help. I cannot go to rehab because I have a job, go to school and have a daughter to take care of. I don't think my problem is that serious anyways.

I have also heard Klonopin helps with Xanax withdrawals , which I have a script for. But to me, that's going from a benzo to another benzo. What should I do? I feel so alone and ashamed that I am down this road again.

 

[Kaden_Nite]

Hey, welcome to the site.

First, I believe that it was wrong and dangerous for your doctor to have abruptly taken you off xanax, especially if it was just because you'd been smoking cannabis. Maybe if you were not up front about the cannabis in the first place, they were worried that you were mixing xanax with other drugs that you weren't telling them about or maybe they thought that that the weed is contributing to your issues. Either way, that is harsh.

That said, xanax doesn't seem to help anyone in the long run, I wouldn't touch the stuff again and I take benzos daily. Buying them off the streets at the moment is not safe, there are way too many counterfeit pills around containing all sorts of shit. If you can get any legit pharmaceutical benzo instead, do it. It may just be going from one benzo to another, but it can't be as bad as buying bars on the street and xanax can be especially difficult to ween off because it is relatively short-acting in comparison to valium or klonopin.

I think it would be a good idea talking to your doctor about this, telling them what you've said here.. although if they are going to react in a way that is only going to further complicate things, only you can make that call.

Good luck, hope you can sort something out.

 

[itsysraw]

I guess I should've explained better. My doctor didn't take me off Xanax. They took me off anti-depressants, and my mood stabilizers. When this happened, I started buying Xanax on the street because I thought it would help me. But it's just made everything worse because now I am dependant on the Xanax. And I have to take it everyday to even function. I want to get off benzos period. I don't want to live like this. I am scared to death of the withdraws symptoms because I've been there before. It's hell. I guess my main question is, could I get in some sort of trouble if I tell my doctor I've been self medicating myself without a prescription? I want to be honest with them because I need help to get off the Xanax. I know there are medications they can give you to make the withdrawing a little easier but is this something a psychiatrist can prescribe? I'm sorry if I'm not making too much sense. I'm just really depressed and worried that I won't be able to get off Xanax alone and they will putme in rehab or something. I cannot go to rehab right now. I have too many responsibilities and my daughter needs me. Which is also the main reason I want to get my life back on track without drugs.

 

[Mushwood]

That is well harsh.

Speak to a doctor. Trying to quit Xanax yourself is dangerous and difficult as you know. I know coz I've been there. Worrying about what a doctor might do about you smoking weed (Edit- and scoring Xanax) shouldn't stop you from getting help. If you have to stop smoking to get help it's worth it, in fact I found stopping smoking made it easier for me to get off the benzos.

Best of luck!

 

[itsysraw]

That is well harsh.

Speak to a doctor. Trying to quit Xanax yourself is dangerous and difficult as you know. I know coz I've been there. Worrying about what a doctor might do about you smoking weed shouldn't stop you from getting help. If you have to stop smoking to get help it's worth it, in fact I found stopping smoking made it easier for me to get off the benzos.

Best of luck!

I'm not worried about having to stop smoking weed. I'm worried about being honest with a doctor and them forcing me to go to rehab. Especially because I was illegally taking Xanax. I didn't have a prescription for it. If you don't mind me asking, how did you get off benzos?

 

[Mushwood]

I'm not worried about having to stop smoking weed. I'm worried about being honest with a doctor and them forcing me to go to rehab. Especially because I was illegally taking Xanax. I didn't have a prescription for it. If you don't mind me asking, how did you get off benzos?

I don't mind you asking at all ...I'm sorry to say it was hard I first tried quick tapers which I could never finish... I got caught short one day and ending up going to a doctor and shaking and delusional I pretty much begged for help (This is after I've had seizures previously..) got put on a year long taper of diazepam which I got right near the end but then relapsed ... then it got bad again and was able to go to rehab which made coming off them so much easier.

I'd been doing large amounts for years though (Xanax and diazepam) you've only been doing it a short time so it shouldn't be anywhere near as bad for you.

I do understand your fear (esp as your current doctor seems like a shitbot) I really don't know about what he could do about the illegal Xanax ....We're not supposed to talk about legal stuff here, but I guess I can say I've told many doctors here in the UK about a lot of the illegal shit I do and they haven't grassed me up yet!

If you're not gonna go to the doctor then switching to a longer acting benzo like diazepam, doing a slow taper, getting someone else to control your dose and cutting out stimulants could be helpful.

 

[Hipster427]

no one can force you to go to rehab.

 

[endlessnameless]

Hi there! I'm new here, this is my first post. I don't even know if anyone will respond. I'll try to make this as short as possible. I suffer from Bipolar Disorder & Anxiety. I was taking medication for it and it helped a lot. After a couple months, I go to get my script filled and they drug tested me (which they never did before). They found marijuana in my system and because of this, completely cut me off all my medication. Not thinking clearly, and being in denial and angry, I decided to continue to smoke and see how I would feel without my meds. BIG MISTAKE. I have been 'self medicating' myself with marijuana and Xanax. At first I thought it was working. I can live like this. Well I was and am wrong. The more days that pass, the more Xanax I need to take to help with my anxiety. (Like I said, I don't have a prescription for it). I just buy them off the streets. My mood disorder is out of control, I feel alone, depressed, and disgusted with myself for thinking I could control my Xanax usage and not get addicted to it like I am now. I have had drug problems in the past (years ago), got completely clean for years. Now I feel like I'm stuck because I know I cannot stop cold turkey. I want to get back on my mood stabilizers and anti-depressants because I cannot live like this anymore. I've decided to try my hardest to stop smoking marijuana. That's really not what concerns me. What concerns me the most is this: If I go to my psychiatrist, be completely honest and explain to them I've been self medicating myself with Xanax I get off the streets, because they took me off my medication, what is going to happen? Can I get in trouble for this? I want to stop taking EVERYTHING. I don't want benzos anymore, I don't want marijuana. I don't drink. I just want to feel happy again and get my life back. I just don't know which way to go. Today is the first day of trying to 'ween' myself off the Xanax. I'm trying to do this alone because I do not know where to go to get help. I cannot go to rehab because I have a job, go to school and have a daughter to take care of. I don't think my problem is that serious anyways.

I have also heard Klonopin helps with Xanax withdrawals , which I have a script for. But to me, that's going from a benzo to another benzo. What should I do? I feel so alone and ashamed that I am down this road again.

If you cant quit without help and are afraid to ask for that help for fear of the consequences - it is that serious.

I find that with issues regarding mental health, honesty is the best policy. Your doctor will appreciate the fact that you chose to tell the truth. The only person who can force you into a mandatory rehab program is a judge, and for this to happen your doctor would have to tell the authorities which I think is highly unlikely as this will simply pile more problems onto your situation without necessarily fixing anything.

If I was you I'd see my doctor as soon as possible and explain the situation, but I am of course not you and therefore cannot and will not tell you what to do. The best I can suggest is that you be as honest as possible with your healthcare professionals about this situation as they are ultimately your key out of this mess. I would also suggest that you discontinue smoking the marijuana now or as soon as possible before you open up to your doctor.

Out of curiosity - how much Xanax are you taking a day?