Serious Pancreatic Cancer and Fent Addiction

[Balissa]

I’ve been slamming at least a half a gram of Fent a day for the past 6 months or so sometimes up to a gram a day it’s gotten so out of hand. I also do suboxone daily maybe 2mg I’ve never gotten sick mixing them and it helps me come of the Fent easier. I’ve been wanting to get my life together and have been trying to taper my Fent use. Well I have been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer I’m not sure what stage it’s in yet I’ll find that out tomorrow but it’s already spread to my bile duct so I’m guessing later stage. I’m torn between just saying hell with it and doing any and every drug I can get ahold of and party till I die from this shit or take this as an opportunity to actually get my shit together and use the RX they will give me to help me quit banging this stuff everyday and at least give my family the comfort of knowing I died trying my best. I have put them through hell and they have been nothing but amazing loving people. I used to be wild as hell always in trouble, I’m a convicted felon and I’m facing more charges right now, I also work for the state lol case manager helping low income people get assistance with heat and other bills. I love my job I love meeting new people but I’m ready to let it all go and spend the last few months I have doing whatever I can to experience new things before I go. Any advice? I’m not used to basing anything on emotions or really even feeling emotions so this is tearing me apart. I’m not sad or sacred at all I’m more afraid of not living than I am dying. What would you do if you knew you had only months to live?

 

[prince_igor]

wow dear that is some heavy shit there.

no one can answer that but you.

I think the answer really must come from what you think your decision will make you feel

when your time finally comes.

will you be wishing you used more dope that you have been using non stop or that you

reconnected with your family.

its not going to be easy for them either way so really its up to you to see how you feel about this.

I would say if you can go without and do so without withdrawal as the hospital/doctors will help

you have a good case for spending the time with your family and maybe helping them

heal after your gone.

its more a question of love vs's love.

one for your family and one for the drugs.

my self when I was younger I would have gone the drugs but now im not so sure.

 

[Balissa]

Thank you for your beautiful words and thoughts. You have have me a lot to think about, maybe it’s time for me to put my selfishness to the back burner and get through this with some dignity. Thank you again.

 

[prince_igor]

again you have to choose.

I would think the docs would keep you from hanging out if this is terminal.

there is no reason to make someone who does not have the normal lifespan go through serious withdrawals.

If they can help you may just get the best of both worlds.

get a little high now and then by managing your meds they give you and still be with the family.

also street life will shorten your time.

ive lived it and know just how ruff it can get.

make sure the docs understand how much you use though it would be shit to be hanging for

the time you wish to be with the family.

I am not sure I could withdraw to be honest if I was in your position.

personally I think they would quickly move you onto substitution program and then palliative care after

that.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

I sometimes wonder what I would do if I got the news that you did. I would have to be sure that it was terminal before I made any decisions. I would make out a quick bucket list and start checking them off as soon as I could. Drugs I have never tried because I was scared too would be on the list ( ones I just knew i would have problems with if only I had done once ). My family would come with me to enjoy the bucket list if they wanted to. I would square away my animals to good homes, sell my property, and square things away so that my family didn't have to.

I really hope that this isn't terminal ( even though it spread ) . It would be a great thing if you could get by on the meds that they give you ( probably pain meds and benzos ) so that you could stop having to cop on the street and settle in with YOUR bucket list.

I also really hope that it doesn't come to that.

 

[Balissa]

Surgery isn’t an option and chemo would do little good I’ve been told it’s best to just let it run it’s course. I feel fine I’m not sick I’m not hurting. I’m positive they will help me I’ve been honest with my doctors about my drug use and i think I’ve got one that would be sympathetic enough to help me kick this shit without withdrawing too hard. My family is taking great care of me and we have always had a good relationship. They are well to do and would do anything to get me better but it’s just out of our hands now. I’m in my 30s and besides the cancer and IV use I’m healthy as hell. It’s just not real right now.

 

[Balissa]

I sometimes wonder what I would do if I got the news that you did. I would have to be sure that it was terminal before I made any decisions. I would make out a quick bucket list and start checking them off as soon as I could. Drugs I have never tried because I was scared too would be on the list ( ones I just knew i would have problems with if only I had done once ). My family would come with me to enjoy the bucket list if they wanted to. I would square away my animals to good homes, sell my property, and square things away so that my family didn't have to.

I really hope that this isn't terminal ( even though it spread ) . It would be a great thing if you could get by on the meds that they give you ( probably pain meds and benzos ) so that you could stop having to cop on the street and settle in with YOUR bucket list.

I also really hope that it doesn't come to that.

Thank you for your advice. I think I will start that bucket list I’ve always wanted to tattoo my hands but my job has stopped me even though I have my arms done. I think I’ll do that first. They’re saying 3 months if I’m lucky but I won’t know what stage it is until tomorrow so I don’t know how they know that. But I think I could get off this shit if I had a cpl good RX and they help of my mom giving my medicine so I won’t do it all in a couple days. Much love to you

 

[prince_igor]

no it wont be until it is too real.

go with your family.

you have already made your mind up.

well done it was the right decision.

again I am so sorry and if I can be of help I shall.

 

[Balissa]

no it wont be until it is too real.

go with your family.

you have already made your mind up.

well done it was the right decision.

again I am so sorry and if I can be of help I shall.

I have made my mind up no matter what they say I’m going out with my family and love. Thank you. Your words mean more to me than you know.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

Surgery isn’t an option and chemo would do little good I’ve been told it’s best to just let it run it’s course. I feel fine I’m not sick I’m not hurting. I’m positive they will help me I’ve been honest with my doctors about my drug use and i think I’ve got one that would be sympathetic enough to help me kick this shit without withdrawing too hard. My family is taking great care of me and we have always had a good relationship. They are well to do and would do anything to get me better but it’s just out of our hands now. I’m in my 30s and besides the cancer and IV use I’m healthy as hell. It’s just not real right now.

It sounds like you have a very healthy attitude towards it and I am glad that you are feeling well at the moment. Having family that loves you and stands by your side makes all the difference in the world.

So young...I am truly sorry. Cancer sucks big hairy balls.

 

[prince_igor]

ye ive had this come up in the family a few times.

go with love and never look back.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

Thank you for your advice. I think I will start that bucket list I’ve always wanted to tattoo my hands but my job has stopped me even though I have my arms done. I think I’ll do that first. They’re saying 3 months if I’m lucky but I won’t know what stage it is until tomorrow so I don’t know how they know that. But I think I could get off this shit if I had a cpl good RX and they help of my mom giving my medicine so I won’t do it all in a couple days. Much love to you

Much love back to you. Call for an appt. to get those tats !! And yes, I think the docs will help you with whatever you need. Your honesty with them probably went a long way. Trust is there so you are in good hands.