Dakota.july
Greenlighter
- Joined
- May 8, 2016
- Messages
- 3
Hey everyone!
It's really weird to admit this, but I suddenly have this urge while I started writing so I am going to snort half a RP 7.5/325 first and come back.
Ritually, I grab 2 $20 bills and break the perc in half or 4ths.
Tangent: I prefer a "big" 5, 7.5 or 10 vs. A oxy with no acetaminophen. I don't know if its fear of dying or the stigma I have in my head but anything bigger than a 10mg doesn't do it for me.
I hate all the small ones and when I talk about them the verse in a lil whyte song pops in my head "haven't you heard big things come in small packages?" And yes big things, like a headache, teeth grinding and extreme agitation come with those for me.
I will say that I am particularly fond of the 30's and in the right setting I will break one in half and then 4ths and snort it and then proceed to fall in love with whoever is in front of me..
I call them the blue clouds.
They are technically white but my first ones 5 years ago looked like small parts of it were baby blue, reminding me of a perfect blue sky with wispy clouds.
Tangent done: I stack the $20 bills and fold it the long way craddling the pill fragments. I fold the bills and chew on the dirty money and most times I use a lighter to smooth out the bumps. Then I use my long, coffin shaped Barbie doll pink nails to scrape the crushed pill into the crease. Then I seperate the bills and set the bill with the powder in my lap and roll up the outside $20 into a straw. I proceed to snort the powdered evil and softly cough/blow excess dust out my mouth. I then wipe out the dusty bill and fold the 2 and seperate them in my wallet so I don't accidentally hand a cashier a $20 that looks like it has anthrax on it.
The snorting the pills is new.
I have been an on-off abuser since I was 15 and was given vics for swimmers ear. Up until a couple months ago swallowing was the way to go.
What provoked me to write this thread is that I have reached a very confusing stage in my use.
How I got here was a combination of 3 things.
1. In the past I had used small amounts and when they were gone I had mild drug seeking behavior and if my search was futile I would be a little frustrated but get over it and I would be fine until I had the urge again. I had only gotten them from the doctor and you can only push a doctor so far before they become privvy to the situation.
2. An abusive ex forbode me from using and after that was over I developed a panic disorder so I was too afraid to use. I made the conscious decision to relapse when my panic disorder was under control and I had an upcoming surgery to get my tubes untied so I knew I was getting pills.
The surgery is what jump started the real problem. November 2014- now May 2016.
3. Around this passed New Year's my current boyfriend and I were fighting a lot and a abusing friend of mine basically peer pressured me into snorting and it's that ritual I must love so much so I stuck with it.
So with all that said I was already becoming concerned about my use because it's now a necessity due to withdrawal symptoms.
Another FYI, I am a functioning addict. I pay my bills on time, still have friends and a relationship with my kids and I am not one of those people that nod off. Infact they give me energy and I have trouble sleeping. Unfortunately, because I almost make my abuse look normal even though I snort pills at traffic lights my friends (99% of them don't use) don't exactly cringe when they see me use because I am not ashamed. My lack of discretion and openness with my addiction somehow my friends and family aren't lining up the block for my intervention and I have never heard of anyone behind my back or to my face listing my wrong doings.
It's sad to me how when my friends talk about how shitty drug addicts are they stop themselves and reassure me that they don't mean me.. I think it's because my mood is stable when I use so they rationalize that I must not be "that bad" because I don't flip out or beg them for money.
Anyways, my first question is: Has anyone ever taken something and when it was gone they couldn't get high anymore?
I had a plug for about a month of these yellow 10mg pills that said PERCOCET on them.
I call them super percs.
Never in my life has a perc, in any dose let alone just a small chunk of a ten made me nod out until this pill.
It's crazy to explain that they almost ruined my life and I kinda miss them.
In the beginning before these pills I would get high.
*Feelings of euphoria
*Sexual desire increase, often to the point of promiscuity
*Emotional numbness/"paused" hurt
*Extreme chattiness, long winded one sided conversations (kind of like this post)
*Chain smoking
*Ability to sober up from alcohol/lack of bad effects when smoking pot
*decreased appetite
* Increased alertness/wakefullness
*Sometimes agitation when too high
The super percs:
*Really small dose
*Nodding out/while driving
*perfect sleep
*drooling
*Pissing off loved ones
*perfect mood
*easy crying
*looks of disgust/contempt
*memory loss
I craved these pills...
After they were gone I was still using but the only thing they did was stop withdrawal. Nothing got me high so I would find out they wore off by getting the chills and sweating. Then I would dose and feel better physically.
Emotionally I was wreaked. I was so frustrated that I had a drug addiction I didn't want any more and obviously since I wasn't getting high anymore I was stuck in reality. Reality sucked for about a month. Then I was fed up and did an at home crash detox.
I had tylenol, Gatorade and lorazepam.
After a whole day my body already started rejecting the calming effects of lorazepam and I was crabby and agitated watching the same movies over and over.
Finally life happened another day later and I surrendered and went and bought some pills. I think the withdrawal was mild because emotionally I had already been sober for about a month.
Those pills finally got me high but it's not the same.
They get me high and chatty with mood improvement but the euphoria/sex drive/ numbness isn't there anymore.
I am not exactly mad but I am confused.
I feel like I could just not take them and I try not to but after a couple hours I start to sink into something like coming down with a cold.
It's text book withdrawal but it's just different. I don't know how to explain it right but I am going to try by saying the percs dont control my mind anymore just my body.
Yes, I know that is a contradiction because there is a depression that comes with withdrawl so what I think I mean is that I don't experience the best of the fun side effects anymore so I dont miss it because I can take a handful of percs and still not get sexully aroused, I no longer have that chemical love for people so I don't care to be extra social. I am just normal now except I still smoke too much and I have always felt charged being around people so even sober I am almost manically chatty in general..
I pride myself on being pretty knowledgeable and I don't have any mental illness except the panic disorder but that is controlled right now and I dont take anything. Only the percs.
Any helpful feedback would be appreciated.
Thanks for reading!
It's really weird to admit this, but I suddenly have this urge while I started writing so I am going to snort half a RP 7.5/325 first and come back.
Ritually, I grab 2 $20 bills and break the perc in half or 4ths.
Tangent: I prefer a "big" 5, 7.5 or 10 vs. A oxy with no acetaminophen. I don't know if its fear of dying or the stigma I have in my head but anything bigger than a 10mg doesn't do it for me.
I hate all the small ones and when I talk about them the verse in a lil whyte song pops in my head "haven't you heard big things come in small packages?" And yes big things, like a headache, teeth grinding and extreme agitation come with those for me.
I will say that I am particularly fond of the 30's and in the right setting I will break one in half and then 4ths and snort it and then proceed to fall in love with whoever is in front of me..
I call them the blue clouds.
They are technically white but my first ones 5 years ago looked like small parts of it were baby blue, reminding me of a perfect blue sky with wispy clouds.
Tangent done: I stack the $20 bills and fold it the long way craddling the pill fragments. I fold the bills and chew on the dirty money and most times I use a lighter to smooth out the bumps. Then I use my long, coffin shaped Barbie doll pink nails to scrape the crushed pill into the crease. Then I seperate the bills and set the bill with the powder in my lap and roll up the outside $20 into a straw. I proceed to snort the powdered evil and softly cough/blow excess dust out my mouth. I then wipe out the dusty bill and fold the 2 and seperate them in my wallet so I don't accidentally hand a cashier a $20 that looks like it has anthrax on it.
The snorting the pills is new.
I have been an on-off abuser since I was 15 and was given vics for swimmers ear. Up until a couple months ago swallowing was the way to go.
What provoked me to write this thread is that I have reached a very confusing stage in my use.
How I got here was a combination of 3 things.
1. In the past I had used small amounts and when they were gone I had mild drug seeking behavior and if my search was futile I would be a little frustrated but get over it and I would be fine until I had the urge again. I had only gotten them from the doctor and you can only push a doctor so far before they become privvy to the situation.
2. An abusive ex forbode me from using and after that was over I developed a panic disorder so I was too afraid to use. I made the conscious decision to relapse when my panic disorder was under control and I had an upcoming surgery to get my tubes untied so I knew I was getting pills.
The surgery is what jump started the real problem. November 2014- now May 2016.
3. Around this passed New Year's my current boyfriend and I were fighting a lot and a abusing friend of mine basically peer pressured me into snorting and it's that ritual I must love so much so I stuck with it.
So with all that said I was already becoming concerned about my use because it's now a necessity due to withdrawal symptoms.
Another FYI, I am a functioning addict. I pay my bills on time, still have friends and a relationship with my kids and I am not one of those people that nod off. Infact they give me energy and I have trouble sleeping. Unfortunately, because I almost make my abuse look normal even though I snort pills at traffic lights my friends (99% of them don't use) don't exactly cringe when they see me use because I am not ashamed. My lack of discretion and openness with my addiction somehow my friends and family aren't lining up the block for my intervention and I have never heard of anyone behind my back or to my face listing my wrong doings.
It's sad to me how when my friends talk about how shitty drug addicts are they stop themselves and reassure me that they don't mean me.. I think it's because my mood is stable when I use so they rationalize that I must not be "that bad" because I don't flip out or beg them for money.
Anyways, my first question is: Has anyone ever taken something and when it was gone they couldn't get high anymore?
I had a plug for about a month of these yellow 10mg pills that said PERCOCET on them.
I call them super percs.
Never in my life has a perc, in any dose let alone just a small chunk of a ten made me nod out until this pill.
It's crazy to explain that they almost ruined my life and I kinda miss them.
In the beginning before these pills I would get high.
*Feelings of euphoria
*Sexual desire increase, often to the point of promiscuity
*Emotional numbness/"paused" hurt
*Extreme chattiness, long winded one sided conversations (kind of like this post)
*Chain smoking
*Ability to sober up from alcohol/lack of bad effects when smoking pot
*decreased appetite
* Increased alertness/wakefullness
*Sometimes agitation when too high
The super percs:
*Really small dose
*Nodding out/while driving
*perfect sleep
*drooling
*Pissing off loved ones
*perfect mood
*easy crying
*looks of disgust/contempt
*memory loss
I craved these pills...
After they were gone I was still using but the only thing they did was stop withdrawal. Nothing got me high so I would find out they wore off by getting the chills and sweating. Then I would dose and feel better physically.
Emotionally I was wreaked. I was so frustrated that I had a drug addiction I didn't want any more and obviously since I wasn't getting high anymore I was stuck in reality. Reality sucked for about a month. Then I was fed up and did an at home crash detox.
I had tylenol, Gatorade and lorazepam.
After a whole day my body already started rejecting the calming effects of lorazepam and I was crabby and agitated watching the same movies over and over.
Finally life happened another day later and I surrendered and went and bought some pills. I think the withdrawal was mild because emotionally I had already been sober for about a month.
Those pills finally got me high but it's not the same.
They get me high and chatty with mood improvement but the euphoria/sex drive/ numbness isn't there anymore.
I am not exactly mad but I am confused.
I feel like I could just not take them and I try not to but after a couple hours I start to sink into something like coming down with a cold.
It's text book withdrawal but it's just different. I don't know how to explain it right but I am going to try by saying the percs dont control my mind anymore just my body.
Yes, I know that is a contradiction because there is a depression that comes with withdrawl so what I think I mean is that I don't experience the best of the fun side effects anymore so I dont miss it because I can take a handful of percs and still not get sexully aroused, I no longer have that chemical love for people so I don't care to be extra social. I am just normal now except I still smoke too much and I have always felt charged being around people so even sober I am almost manically chatty in general..
I pride myself on being pretty knowledgeable and I don't have any mental illness except the panic disorder but that is controlled right now and I dont take anything. Only the percs.
Any helpful feedback would be appreciated.
Thanks for reading!
