Apparently the gold is the strongest one. I did take a 3rd one, and then 10g of micronized kava, and I'm straight up nodding, like I can't keep my eyes open. Falling asleep for 5 seconds and waking up kind of shit. But it still doesn't *feel* like an opioid high exactly, or I don't "taste" it.
When I do a drug, I tend to taste however the capsule or whatever it was tasted like, it's like in my sinuses or something. So when I do kratom, I taste the kratom when I feel the high. Since I did kava which tastes mega strong, I just taste the kava, but I was "tasting" the OPMS gold. I guess capsules would take longer to work, next time I'll just dump them out and stir with water like I do normal kratom.
The 3rd one hit me along with the kava and I'm nodding more than I think I ever have, I think mostly because of the kava added on. It feels nice but like, I want to stay awake lol. I'm kind of getting back, it's just once I put music on it's impossible to stay awake, I'm really battling. Haven't even hit my oil pen yet either. I think if I didn't do the kava I would've been vibing more because I started to.
And no, you're good. Even if you did make more sense (you do), I'm so wasted it's hard to read. I suffer from PTSD as well so I know how it is. Hope you're generally able to keep it under control. I take Valium, 15-20mg on average a day but I've reached a point where it honestly doesn't really do a damn thing for me. I should really just start taking 5-10mg again for awhile to get my tolerance down, although I quit for about week this summer and my tolerance hadn't really changed. Then again it's half-life is 2 days, so there was likely still quite a bit in my system.
My best weapon for PTSD is DMT, honestly, but I don't have access to any at the moment. I've been pretty suicidal lately, I turn 30 in a week and have kept telling myself that I need to die before then, it's a long story that I've explained in other threads. I'm not scared to turn 30, I just thought the idea of dying at 29 sounded attractive, but I'm fighting. The holidays are very difficult for me and so is winter.