paranoid android
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2006
- Messages
- 14,351
I wake up drenched in sweat and shivering. I could literally wring out the sweat that drenched the bed sheet underneath me. It's now 9 in the morning and i have to somehow drag my dopesick ass to the doctor within the next 2 hours. This is going to be one fuck of a day i think to myself. On the 3rd day of withdrawal which is always the worst and i haven't even got codeine. I do however have a large stock of benzos. As soon as my feet hit the floor i have 6mg's of clonazepam, 4mg's of lorazepam and 150mg's of temazepam down in me with some gabapentin for good measure. Even the taste of water and pills makes me wanna spew so i pop some dimenhydrinate as i don't want to puke in the car.
I manage to down a cup of tea and hop in the shower to wash last nights sweat off me. I turn the water up as hot as it will go to stop the shivering and this makes me feel abit more human. As I'm drying myself off i can feel the benzos doing their work. Atleast i might fall asleep in the car on the way out i think. A hours long car ride is not what i want to do today but that hours drive is between me and my morphine and oxys. It has to be done no matter how much i just want to crash out. I try and pull it together and get ready. Fucking hours drive! I fucking hate this place.
After a few bowls of northern lights i climb in the passenger seat and put it back and try to doze off. I am certainly not in the mood for talking that's for sure. The massive amount of benzos are relaxing me now so it's not as bad as it was though i still feel like death warmed over. I watch with a sort of detachment out the window at the cars and people we pass. All these people going about their daily 9-5 lives. Would i accept that lifestyle now to just feel normal? Would i want the 2 story house in the burbs, the 2 car garage, the massive credit card debt, the mortgage, the completely uninteresting annoying wife that i would most likely hate and the brats that go with it? Would you want to be "normal" like everyone else? I almost chuckle to myself at the thought. You wouldn't last a fucking month at that life and you know it i say to myself. You'd drink and drug yourself to death or just blow your head off. That's just not for me. Living like that? Fuck that id rather live in a goddamn flophouse.
I drift off into a benzo haze and watch the scenery as i keep getting closer to my goal. I'm half in and out of consciousness as i actually get almost to my docs office. I stop to get a coffee to try and atleast look sober and wake the fuck up. I run into a old mate from years ago. How ya doin ya old cunt? i hear. Not bad i guess i say. He laughs and looks completely unconvinced. We get into the whatcha been up to and who's where and doing what as we are waiting in the lineup to get coffee. Whatcha out here for he says? Going to the docs. You? Drugstore for my methadone. This surprises me abit as i never took him for the junkie type. I say I'm on morphine and oxy and he says he was hooked on oxy hence the methadone. Ya you and every other cunt on the shore i laugh. I tell him i might see him at the pharmacy in abit depending on how long i am. Good nuff and off i go.
By the time i make it to the docs I'm sweating bullets and dopesick as hell. My stomach is in knot's and i feel fucked. But the benzos are making me feel almost noddy so things could be worse. I go around the corner of the doctors office and look for a place to have a quick joint before going in. I spark one up and it starts to make me feel better or atleast makes my mind drift off. I suck the joint down as fast as possible and then spray some cologne on me to get the smell off me. I figure that should hide it.
I get into the docs and much to my surprise they are on time. I go right in and waste no time in getting my scripts. Morphine SR's and oxy IR 20mg's. I get out of there and hoof it to the pharmacy across the road where hopefully they will have the medication in stock. I drop off my script and ask if they have the meds there and the pharmacist says he does which is a relief. I ask him how long it will be and he says about a half hour so i go outside and have a smoke. I chuck down another 60mg's of temazepam and just sit there smoking not really paying attention to anything around me. Next thing i hear is "hey by how she goin?" It's my old friend again. Going into get your done i ask him? Yup. You wouldn't have any take homes ya would be willing to part with i ask? "Nope can't get takehomes yet I'm not on the methadone long enough". Shitty i say. After he goes in and get's his dose which only takes maybe 5 minutes i ask him if he wants to throw in on a joint. He says yes so we hoof it over to his truck. He throws a half gram in and i match it up so we have a nice one gram joint. "This is abit like old times ain't it?" Yeah it is actually i say. All we need now is a case of beer and wed be all set. Just about the time the joint is gone my mind has wandered quite abit. Goddamn that shit is strong. Not to mention the benzos Ive taken. "You look like your nearly whited out b'y" he laughs. Yeah i am pretty stoned i laugh.
We say our good byes and he gives me his cell number in case I'm out this way and wanna look him up. As I'm walking across the street i am very aware of how fucking high i am and the dopresickness is mostly just in the back of my mind. I go to the pharmacy counter and they have my pills ready thank fuck. I go straight out the door and have 80mg's of oxy in me before i even get to the car. We head home and in about half a hour the oxy starts to kick in. It wakes me up abit as it always does. I start getting talkative and relaxed at the same time. I am starting to feel "normal" again as they say.
I look out the window and see the scenery passing me by like my life. There is nothing good in my life at all just hopelessness. The drugs just hide that feeling abit but they don't really dull it out. What does my life amount to? I spent my whole time trying to not be one of these hopeless twats around my town but for now I'm stuck. Just another pill head that never put his bag down long enough to grow any roots. But now I'm stranded and i am becoming what i hated. I really took the fast lane to nowhere...
I manage to down a cup of tea and hop in the shower to wash last nights sweat off me. I turn the water up as hot as it will go to stop the shivering and this makes me feel abit more human. As I'm drying myself off i can feel the benzos doing their work. Atleast i might fall asleep in the car on the way out i think. A hours long car ride is not what i want to do today but that hours drive is between me and my morphine and oxys. It has to be done no matter how much i just want to crash out. I try and pull it together and get ready. Fucking hours drive! I fucking hate this place.
After a few bowls of northern lights i climb in the passenger seat and put it back and try to doze off. I am certainly not in the mood for talking that's for sure. The massive amount of benzos are relaxing me now so it's not as bad as it was though i still feel like death warmed over. I watch with a sort of detachment out the window at the cars and people we pass. All these people going about their daily 9-5 lives. Would i accept that lifestyle now to just feel normal? Would i want the 2 story house in the burbs, the 2 car garage, the massive credit card debt, the mortgage, the completely uninteresting annoying wife that i would most likely hate and the brats that go with it? Would you want to be "normal" like everyone else? I almost chuckle to myself at the thought. You wouldn't last a fucking month at that life and you know it i say to myself. You'd drink and drug yourself to death or just blow your head off. That's just not for me. Living like that? Fuck that id rather live in a goddamn flophouse.
I drift off into a benzo haze and watch the scenery as i keep getting closer to my goal. I'm half in and out of consciousness as i actually get almost to my docs office. I stop to get a coffee to try and atleast look sober and wake the fuck up. I run into a old mate from years ago. How ya doin ya old cunt? i hear. Not bad i guess i say. He laughs and looks completely unconvinced. We get into the whatcha been up to and who's where and doing what as we are waiting in the lineup to get coffee. Whatcha out here for he says? Going to the docs. You? Drugstore for my methadone. This surprises me abit as i never took him for the junkie type. I say I'm on morphine and oxy and he says he was hooked on oxy hence the methadone. Ya you and every other cunt on the shore i laugh. I tell him i might see him at the pharmacy in abit depending on how long i am. Good nuff and off i go.
By the time i make it to the docs I'm sweating bullets and dopesick as hell. My stomach is in knot's and i feel fucked. But the benzos are making me feel almost noddy so things could be worse. I go around the corner of the doctors office and look for a place to have a quick joint before going in. I spark one up and it starts to make me feel better or atleast makes my mind drift off. I suck the joint down as fast as possible and then spray some cologne on me to get the smell off me. I figure that should hide it.
I get into the docs and much to my surprise they are on time. I go right in and waste no time in getting my scripts. Morphine SR's and oxy IR 20mg's. I get out of there and hoof it to the pharmacy across the road where hopefully they will have the medication in stock. I drop off my script and ask if they have the meds there and the pharmacist says he does which is a relief. I ask him how long it will be and he says about a half hour so i go outside and have a smoke. I chuck down another 60mg's of temazepam and just sit there smoking not really paying attention to anything around me. Next thing i hear is "hey by how she goin?" It's my old friend again. Going into get your done i ask him? Yup. You wouldn't have any take homes ya would be willing to part with i ask? "Nope can't get takehomes yet I'm not on the methadone long enough". Shitty i say. After he goes in and get's his dose which only takes maybe 5 minutes i ask him if he wants to throw in on a joint. He says yes so we hoof it over to his truck. He throws a half gram in and i match it up so we have a nice one gram joint. "This is abit like old times ain't it?" Yeah it is actually i say. All we need now is a case of beer and wed be all set. Just about the time the joint is gone my mind has wandered quite abit. Goddamn that shit is strong. Not to mention the benzos Ive taken. "You look like your nearly whited out b'y" he laughs. Yeah i am pretty stoned i laugh.
We say our good byes and he gives me his cell number in case I'm out this way and wanna look him up. As I'm walking across the street i am very aware of how fucking high i am and the dopresickness is mostly just in the back of my mind. I go to the pharmacy counter and they have my pills ready thank fuck. I go straight out the door and have 80mg's of oxy in me before i even get to the car. We head home and in about half a hour the oxy starts to kick in. It wakes me up abit as it always does. I start getting talkative and relaxed at the same time. I am starting to feel "normal" again as they say.
I look out the window and see the scenery passing me by like my life. There is nothing good in my life at all just hopelessness. The drugs just hide that feeling abit but they don't really dull it out. What does my life amount to? I spent my whole time trying to not be one of these hopeless twats around my town but for now I'm stuck. Just another pill head that never put his bag down long enough to grow any roots. But now I'm stranded and i am becoming what i hated. I really took the fast lane to nowhere...