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Newly wed wife needs more sex from husband!

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wifey_needs_morese

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 3, 2015
Messages
3
I'm a 34 year old female. My husband is 45. I need more sex from my husband. How do I approach him gently with this subject? We've talked about it before but nothing has changed. I think about sex and sexual acts ALOT! We used to have amazing sex. But lately I've really felt deprived. Mediocre sex maybe once a week doesn't do it for me. I also have found that he watched and masturbated to porn. I had the internet turned off. Thinking that may have been the cause. But still no better results. He has also had the occasional erectial dysfunction We do love each other very much. We hug and kiss and have fun together. I don't want to seem like a nagging wife and I also don't want to hurt him. What do I do? Help!
 
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First up, most relationships go quiet after a few years so don't feel like there's something major wrong. But secondly, you need to talk about it with him. Like you're doing here with us. Preventing him from wanking to porn isn't a solution. Porn might actually help reinvigorate his sex drive, or give him more erotic ideas. But you need to work with him in that regard too. You know, try figuring out what he likes, and working together to get the sexy times rolling. But conversation is a must if he's to fulfill your needs and you his.
 
We have had conversations about this before....still had access to porn then. Nothing changed. We are very open sexually. He knows what I like and I also with him. We are into s bit of BDSM but rarely play anymore. I'm just really at a loss here.
 
You say you've talked about it, so what does he say when you tell him that you want more sex and that it's frustrating you?
 
He says that he wants and desires me. He loves everything about me. He gets kind of angry and doesn't really say much. I think its frustrating to him too. We work different shifts so that makes it a little harder. But if he wants me he has time, more than the little he takes.
 
So if he gets turned on and aroused by you, and you want sex, why don't you tell him you want sex? Like: "hey babe, I'm horny, let's fuck". Or just start playing with him when you're both home to get him hard... I'm sure he'll figure it out. If this doesn't work, then it would seem like he's not being completely honest about his sex drive or what he fantasises about?
 
How often do YOU initiate sexual contact? Do you make it very obvious when you want sexual attention?
How is your appearance, are you fun in bed? Are you fun OUTSIDE of bed???

Forgive me for prying but it sounds to me like there are more problems between you than just sex if you're doing things like disabling utilities/services to prevent certain activities.
 
It could be a myriad of reasons. Ed can be a sign of intimacy issues? You pulled a passive aggressive move by turning the internet off and this can be a sign of a bigger problem if that's how your relationship works. I can understand why you would do that though. Sounds to me like your having to walk on eggshells around him about this topic. When one partner becomes passive that makes the other become active which isn't healthy for him or you. See what's on his mind that's making him distance himself. Maybe he's having trust issues, or mid life crisis. Don't presume anything however. Do more listening than talking.
 
Maybe he needs the BDSM... try getting back into it. Perhaps switch whose the sub?
Do you both go out on dates? Like out to a bar, drink, dance. Away from home?
 
What kind of porn was he watching? And are there any signs of an affair? I take it he turns you on, do you turn him on? Finish him?

It could be something not even sex related... is he stressed at his job, are the bills paid, are his parents/family in good health???

Try something completely out of the norm, like maybe jump his bones the second he comes home from work. Like the second the door closes, pull down his pants and blow him. Wake him up with a BJ. Initiate it, dont just talk about it. My ex did that all the time (talk and no action) and it just got fkn old having to create the mood or moment all the time.
 
Im newly wed to(married a virgin),shes a freak lol,we've been having sex 5 plus times a day sex..im tired,exhausted,and I just need a break..
I agree with the blowjob part,,you better get down to work on you're man if U want sex..that's what my wife started to do
 
Kid Amine said:
It could be something not even sex related... is he stressed at his job, are the bills paid, are his parents/family in good health???
Click to expand...

This was my first thought. Is he stressed or depressed right now?
 
wifey_needs_morese said:
I also have found that he watched and masturbated to porn. I had the internet turned off. Thinking that may have been the cause. But still no better results.
Click to expand...

Oh god not masturbating to porn!

But seriously, you turned off the internet because you caught him masturbating? Huge over reaction (and silly, IMO).

What you should have done was watched it with him, or taken a look to see what he's into and what you could do to spice things up and do things for him that he's obviously into.
 
Also, make it a game.... give him a blow job while he's watching porn.
Stress and depression will also cause ED. Google it. A healthy man in his late 20s can be stressed out that he can't get a boner. Then its a cycle of feeling "I can't do it" when trying to do it.

Get Viagra too. I'm willing to use it when/if I have too when that day comes... which makes me worried... shit, their goes my woody!
 
You say you had great sex before, but now it's mediocre? I'm sure he hasn't lost his skills. I don't know what it's like to be his age, but if there's a lot of stuff competing for his energy he may not have the motivation.. no disrespect, but sex burns a ton of physical and mental energy. Could be stressed out at work or some other issue.

All I would advise is:

1) Talk to him. You want to have more fun together. Be honest about your needs. But I would first try talking and listening to him, get him to open up about what is really going on, and what you can both do to help each other.

2) Don't pull passive aggressive stunts like cutting internet. You're not his mother. You're his partner! Refer to point 1.
 
Hopefully she hasn't responded for a while because she is too busy now having nonstop sex. Great advice, everyone!
 
Um, you don't want to be seen as a crazy, nagging wife.. ok.

Why did you turn off the internet when you saw that he was watching porn? Don't you think that's a little extreme? Did he maybe get, upset?
 
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