i first rolled starting in 2000 (at nineteen years old) before harm reduction was big and knew nothing abut taking breaks. The first pills I used were down around daytona beach fl, they were triple stacks, maybe from Amsterdam, I could be wrong im guessing they were 220 mgs a pill, and I did one on a saturday night my first time and went to daytona 500 n trance, dance club--okay enough stry teling lol......The following days I didnt feel overly depressed or anything maybe a lil afterglow, not that much though and felt fine
i was leaving on wednesday so my crackhead friend convinced me to do three pills like 1.5 a piece , in new symra beach, he was driving and I was so high I actually got slightly unconcious and came back, everything sounded so good, and even though it was fve days later the roll was amazing (that and i had half a pill more) well the whole busride back I was rolling talking to this girl ... I had to switch bustops after twelve hours, and wasnt eating and I remember feeling empty, after I gotten home I was really down the next few days, like badly depressed. That first time my body showed it did not work well with doing doses five days apart-esp at the doses I was using and ended up in a deep dark place crying in my room a lot and feeling oh so low. Ended up doing more pills a few days later , and continued into bad abuse rolling abut thirty nights in a six month peroid, I remember one week I was ding pills every other night when afterglow worn off, ive got depressed and pop again just to feel decent, I did this too much an totally lost the magic and one roll toward the end of the abuse peroid I remember I got so depressed and was with my friends I thought to myself what im doing is fake im chasing a high to feel good and now I feel way worse than I ever did-I felt like a loser and I was at the time. It was so fake. Ive seen many people who abused mdma like myself and felt this way as well, so its a common pattern.
After I stopped the abuse, I took two month breaks here nd there and tried it again and the magic returned very breifly, I took another break and tried again(same batch the magic retirned breifly on) and got nothing but a lil stimulation but no empathy that I cold tell-none worth mentioning. The first time I did it it was oh so magical and I can tell you hat i did, same with the second time -second might have been even moreso on on parr. after about the second time the magic dwindled and well I did still roll, I never got it again untill got it recently after a thirteen year break with another empathogeon. when abused it put me into a dark hole and seemed to mess with my decesion making process and logical functon. when used responsible its quite magical, nice and dare I say fun
I could be wrong and I think its very possible I was depressed about two years afterwards and it tok sme time for my brain to catch-up from the abuse I put it though. from 2000-2002. I was depressed a god two years after and dont know if there is any research stating abuse can cause this, my ancetodal expirience seems to have expiriened this, either that or I had low self esteem at the time and needed to work on myself. Some people seem to be able to use it more than others, I dont seem to be one of those people, being though the abuse I did to myself I went into a dark place and it wasnt fun-i learned from it though and thats why im responsible
My experience is this, this is a luxury and this feeling is magical and needs to be savored, cherish, and saved for special occasions. I could joke how I can make excuses for special occaisons but I personally like to get out of my city and to another one, because I find the roll better like this and spend time with my girlfriend and maybe some friends if that arises-my girlfriend comes first though, I find set and setting and who your with make a bigger difference than you can possibly imagine