First time posting, but I've been using the drug side of these forums for harm reduction advice for around three months at this point. I've been trying to stabilize my drug use for about a year now, however I seem to spiral at the slightest problem appearing in my life. I don't know how to deal with this issue without drastic action and I would appreciate any advice for consideration. Thank you for taking the time to read this and respond, if you do.
For some background, I moved from a tiny rural town to the major city that I currently live in about two years ago. I am a 24 year old non-binary kandi kid. I have an addictive personality and horrific impulse control.
I first engaged with substances when I was around eleven or so, the friends I hung out with were all latchkey kids and we would walk around the poor side of town we lived in and get stoned as often as we could. From that point until I graduated high school, I only smoked weed and had the occasional drink that I was offered. I did acid for the first time after I moved into my own apartment and I could use more openly. That was generally pretty stable until I had a manic episode and found myself shoving my belongings into my car and got a place in the city with a meth addict I met on grindr.
The transition into the city was what allowed me to begin trying the substances I had always desired but been unable to acquire in my hometown. I started using meth when it was offered to me by my roommate and immediately spun out of control, stopping only because my body started to break down because I couldn't eat or drink anything.
I was using substances to cope with the fact that my roommate (who I had started dating) was becoming more overtly abusive towards me around that point and I felt trapped in my situation. I still needed stimulants and the next thing I tried was coke which I had been able to consume regularly due to my savings which had been considerable at the start of my life in the city, but were quickly being drained. That was the time that I picked up smoking cigarettes again, a habit that I had kicked when I graduated high school and stopped hanging out with my friends from there.
Anyways, the big one started soon afterwards at a week long party in the woods. I had been hanging out with someone I had met and they invited me into their tent to do ketamine for the first time. They were IM'ing it and I asked them to let me try. They accepted, and I was immediately hooked. It let me escape my reality for a period of time, and when I got home I grabbed the needles I used for HRT and had a two week long binge. During that period I was broken up with by my partner of three years and the lease of my apartment was finished. I had spent all of my money at that point and so I threw away all of my possessions except what could fit in a bag and started crashing on peoples couches. I would only be able to eat when friends bought the food for me, and I got very little sleep because I was too busy trying to score more ketamine at the parties I spent every night at.
I fell in with a group of people that would supply me with the ketamine I was always fiending for, I would usually pay them back with my body. I am moderately attractive in a conventional sense, and I have an extremely eccentric style of dress and makeup, which distracted them from the fact that I didn't really have a personality. I was able to sustain this lifestyle for around a year, but eventually my body broke down from malnutrition and my mind was exhausted from the constant stream of drugs inflicted upon it. I had secured an extremely small room in a trap house which became my tomb for the next three months. I subsisted on food I stole from my housemates, and the drugs that were always present in the social area of the house. I was succumbing to entropy, and was intentionally letting myself waste away because I couldn't imagine having any kind of future from the position I was in.
I was pushed to go to an event by one of my friends after being absent from the scene for about six months at that point. I fell back into the lifestyle, however I was mostly using at home in my room, and I began to experiment with IVing anything I could find. I would get the shakes pretty regularly because I was far too lax about using safe supplies, and I was eventually able to manage myself and sustain the best harm reduction I could.
I suppose that brings us to the present. I am moving out of this place with one of my roommates that doesn't use, and I think it will help me at least return to a safer level of use. I am struggling though, there is about two weeks until I can move to the new place and I have to save the little money I have for moving. That means that I don't have the substances I am addicted to and I'm fiending so bad that I'm IV'ing things that I really shouldn't be, but I can't stop. My veins are dying and I have accidental skin pops that I think will get infected soon. I don't know what to do, if you have any advice please share it with me.
For some background, I moved from a tiny rural town to the major city that I currently live in about two years ago. I am a 24 year old non-binary kandi kid. I have an addictive personality and horrific impulse control.
I first engaged with substances when I was around eleven or so, the friends I hung out with were all latchkey kids and we would walk around the poor side of town we lived in and get stoned as often as we could. From that point until I graduated high school, I only smoked weed and had the occasional drink that I was offered. I did acid for the first time after I moved into my own apartment and I could use more openly. That was generally pretty stable until I had a manic episode and found myself shoving my belongings into my car and got a place in the city with a meth addict I met on grindr.
The transition into the city was what allowed me to begin trying the substances I had always desired but been unable to acquire in my hometown. I started using meth when it was offered to me by my roommate and immediately spun out of control, stopping only because my body started to break down because I couldn't eat or drink anything.
I was using substances to cope with the fact that my roommate (who I had started dating) was becoming more overtly abusive towards me around that point and I felt trapped in my situation. I still needed stimulants and the next thing I tried was coke which I had been able to consume regularly due to my savings which had been considerable at the start of my life in the city, but were quickly being drained. That was the time that I picked up smoking cigarettes again, a habit that I had kicked when I graduated high school and stopped hanging out with my friends from there.
Anyways, the big one started soon afterwards at a week long party in the woods. I had been hanging out with someone I had met and they invited me into their tent to do ketamine for the first time. They were IM'ing it and I asked them to let me try. They accepted, and I was immediately hooked. It let me escape my reality for a period of time, and when I got home I grabbed the needles I used for HRT and had a two week long binge. During that period I was broken up with by my partner of three years and the lease of my apartment was finished. I had spent all of my money at that point and so I threw away all of my possessions except what could fit in a bag and started crashing on peoples couches. I would only be able to eat when friends bought the food for me, and I got very little sleep because I was too busy trying to score more ketamine at the parties I spent every night at.
I fell in with a group of people that would supply me with the ketamine I was always fiending for, I would usually pay them back with my body. I am moderately attractive in a conventional sense, and I have an extremely eccentric style of dress and makeup, which distracted them from the fact that I didn't really have a personality. I was able to sustain this lifestyle for around a year, but eventually my body broke down from malnutrition and my mind was exhausted from the constant stream of drugs inflicted upon it. I had secured an extremely small room in a trap house which became my tomb for the next three months. I subsisted on food I stole from my housemates, and the drugs that were always present in the social area of the house. I was succumbing to entropy, and was intentionally letting myself waste away because I couldn't imagine having any kind of future from the position I was in.
I was pushed to go to an event by one of my friends after being absent from the scene for about six months at that point. I fell back into the lifestyle, however I was mostly using at home in my room, and I began to experiment with IVing anything I could find. I would get the shakes pretty regularly because I was far too lax about using safe supplies, and I was eventually able to manage myself and sustain the best harm reduction I could.
I suppose that brings us to the present. I am moving out of this place with one of my roommates that doesn't use, and I think it will help me at least return to a safer level of use. I am struggling though, there is about two weeks until I can move to the new place and I have to save the little money I have for moving. That means that I don't have the substances I am addicted to and I'm fiending so bad that I'm IV'ing things that I really shouldn't be, but I can't stop. My veins are dying and I have accidental skin pops that I think will get infected soon. I don't know what to do, if you have any advice please share it with me.
