Need Some Advice

[drgluckenstein]

My boyfriend literally can't spend on one one time with me.
He was hanging out with his friends for 2 hours and already found out he invited two that are a couple on our Valentine's day outing.
He keeps talking about wanting to live with all his friends.
We've been together for 2 yrs. I'm 27 and he's 31.
I want to get married and have kids. I'm through with all of this immature crap. I want a real life.
What do I do? Is breaking up my only option?
Any time I try to talk to him it turns into him getting mad and blaming me for acting out or causing problems.
Is there something wrong with me?

 

[SuperPsych]

Have you voiced your concerns to him? Do you guys live together or go out on dates 1 on 1?

 

[drgluckenstein]

Right now I have my own house and he has his. I come over after work and he usually always invites people over/goes over to their house. It seems like all he really cares about is hanging out with his friends. I want to start and family and help him work on the house he just bought. He'll ignore the dog for hours on end and he is so love starved, it makes me sad.
We don't really go on dates anymore. We saw a movie a couple weeks ago and that's the first thing we've done in months.
There is really no talking to him. I just get like snapped and told "that's not true" then ignored more. It seems like all I do is push him away.
I'm going to have to make other connections to friends and family so I don't go nuts lolol. Lately I feel really weird. I have a therapist. He got upset the other day because I didn't tell him what my therapist and I talked about. He also claimed, that he didn't know I was seeing one, when I had made a point to mention to him every time I have an upcoming appointment. I even was on an appt. (telehealth) in his room at his house one day, which I recall making him fully aware of, and he acknowledged it.
Tbh I kinda just feel like an old toy that's been put on the shelf. I was fun for a little while but now I'm boring and useless lol.

 

[axe battler]

That's a shitty situation @drgluckenstein but what I think is maybe he's not as mature as you, despite being 4 years older. This is often the case with men and women unfortunately, you may just be at a different place in life than he is.
IMO you shouldn't nag him or plead for his attention as this will possibly push him away further.
I think you should make it clear how you feel, if you haven't already, and continue as you are doing - reaching out to your own friends and enjoying your youth.
Don't go out and cheat on him of course, but it could be time to explore your options, and enjoy yourself doing so. If he's talking about living with friends and not you at his age it's possible he's either not ever wanting to settle down and have children, or (sorry) he could be having doubts.
You know him a lot better than any of us of course, so use your best judgement. Tell him how you feel and then make him work for you! You're worth it, and if he doesn't put in the work he's not worth getting hung up over

 

[xtcgrrrl]

I’ve been in this situation. He sounds manipulative and immature, unable to perceive the situation from your point of view. Only his own needs and preferences count; only his own recollection of events is correct. I think you should do unto him as he is doing to you, hard as that may be. Make new friends and spend all your time with them. Return the same distant energy he is putting out. Make yourself less available. This clearly isn’t a communication problem; you’ve tried to explain how you feel and how you view the situation, and he is gaslighting you by telling you that what you KNOW happened didn’t actually happen. This is a classic narcissist strategy. I don’t know enough about this guy to tell if he is one or not, but he’s certainly using moves from their playbook. I think you should try to see if he even notices that you’ve becomes less available, and if not, maybe you should consider finding what you seek somewhere else. There are plenty of fish in the sea; but right now you are operating from a scarcity mindset (i.e., acting like this is the only possible person you will ever have a serious relationship with.) I am sure you are a kind and loving person and that you’ll be able to find someone else, who will meet your needs.

 

[Sweet Jane78]

Ah, what a crappy situation. If you have told him how you feel about him spending so much time with his friends because you want more time for the two of you and he hasn’t made any changes, then he’s not respecting you or valuing your relationship. If you’ve been clear about wanting to settle down and have a family and he’s blown you off and wants to live with his friends, then I think it’s time for you to move on. It doesn’t seem like you’re on the same page.
You deserve better than what you’re getting from this relationship with him. Hugs