Need an outlet to vent...post break up stress

[Recreant793]

This pain I feel just won't subside. And I'm the one who caused it. My girl left me in February because I was definitely neglecting her. I had gotten into a serious family dispute that lead to me drinking daily and as a result I stopped showing much effort in our relationship. Before that we were perfect. But I wanted to be numb so bad I pushed her to pursue other options. I found some pretty intimate text messages on her facebook that she left up with another guy one day and lost it. At the time I didn't want to accept my role in what she was doing so I took it really hard. Days later she said it would be good if I went to stay with my mother for the time being. Which was just a ruse to get me out of the house so the break up wouldn't be so awkward. Once we officially split I spiralled into an even deeper depression. I still had her on social media so I saw that she was now pretty involved with the guy I busted her talking to. That stung really bad. After a month or so they had some sort of falling out and we ended up back on good terms. I took her out to dinner and we talked about what had happened and she expressed her reasons and feelings of neglect. It was then that I began to come to terms with them. Well for the following 3 weeks I would come over and spend the night a few days out of the week and it was like nothing had changed. We would have deep talks...have great sex...smoke a ton of bud and just enjoy each others company. All though she made it clear she wasn't ready to jump back in to a relationship with me. I didn't like it but I had to accept it. She got a job at a 7-11 and met a new guy at work. Slowly they became an item and she didn't have the heart to tell me about it until I found out the hard way. I can't go in to much detail but basically I caught him driving her car around town and at the end of the night I was taking the long ride up to county jail. I spent some time inside before being released on bond. Although one condition of my bond was that I could not contact her or him. They were in a relationship from then ( April ), to just a couple weeks ago. Or so I believe. That's just what I'm assuming due to their facebook info saying they are single now.

She isn't perfect but I still love her with all my heart. We went through so much together. Struggled together, lived together, almost had a child together, hustled together...the list goes on. No matter how many girls that flirt with me, or I have sex with to try to forget her, it just doesn't make a difference. All I can think about is her. And knowing that she's moved on feels like an ice pick getting shoved into my chest. I have been through a lot of break ups. But normally after a few weeks the pain subsides. I just hope one day, even if I can't be with her again, she at least gives me closure somehow.

That felt good to get out. If you actually read, I appreciate it. Thanks.

 

[ChipTrippyFox]

I empathize for the pain you feel.

I have to ask; what further closure is it that you feel you need? She's made it pretty clear that she isn't romantically interested in you any more. She might have just seen you as a good friend and good sex originally after you broke up but it sounds like you burned the bridge when you assulted her new bf (? That's what you implied right?)

You may yet find someone who is better suited for you, it may not seem like it now but you can learn from your mistakes for the next time.