crazyhairman
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 4, 2009
- Messages
- 1,596
Yep liver failed on me at 21, idk if it was the alcohol, prescription pain killers, heaps of mdma, research chemicals, mushrooms or it was just my time. They got me on a transplant list. As my doctor put it " well given the fact you aren't old or a child , the odds are not fantastic at finding a donor ...in the time you will need it.
My doctor wasn't a cold person, they made me as comfortable as possible. They told me there is limits to what they could do.
My family brought a prist in one day to administer "last rights" I'm not catholic, but they are so I didn't fight them over it. I honestly don't remember much. Lots of dizziness, weakness, pain and a mental fog you can never shake off.
I figured... well this is it , all my friends, family came to visit, over time they came less frequently. I remember standing up, not sure if I was dreaming or real . I slowly shuffle down the hall, fumbled with the door and found myself outside in the garden.
I sat down, looking up to the sky, the warm texas sun on my face. Saying out loud " ok if you are up there get ready , I'm coming " I felt peace. I wasn't sad or mad anymore. I wasn't scared, I was ready to move on. I layed down closed my eyes. I felt hands and heard voices , it was my parents and a nurse , screaming at me.
They put me in a chair and weeled me back inside , checking my fluids, vital signs. It took all of my strength to smile and say it's okay I'm ready.
Within two weeks my prognosis improved. Within another month I was able to return to work. To this day I still can't explain how or why I'm still here. I'm not religious and that close call didn't change anything. That being said it was still a profound life-changing state of consciousness that I still look to when times get hard or when I don't feel so good. As bad as that situation was and is terrible as I felt going through it as soon as I was healthy again I continued using illicit street drugs. I didn't actually get clean again until I was 26. I don't know why things happen the way they do. I don't know why I'm here and better people than I are not.
I've tried to make the best of my multiple 2nd chances. I guess this post is more for me than anyone else. Kinda like a journal. I do hope I have a positive impact on the lives of people In my own life atleast.
I talked to my sister for the first time in years today.
I still obviously have some issues to work through. I feel ashamed to have been given so many second chances. It's hard for me to open up to my family about certain things. . . . I wish I was a better son and brother.
Tomorrow I will go see them again but I don't really feel very comfortable around them.
My doctor wasn't a cold person, they made me as comfortable as possible. They told me there is limits to what they could do.
My family brought a prist in one day to administer "last rights" I'm not catholic, but they are so I didn't fight them over it. I honestly don't remember much. Lots of dizziness, weakness, pain and a mental fog you can never shake off.
I figured... well this is it , all my friends, family came to visit, over time they came less frequently. I remember standing up, not sure if I was dreaming or real . I slowly shuffle down the hall, fumbled with the door and found myself outside in the garden.
I sat down, looking up to the sky, the warm texas sun on my face. Saying out loud " ok if you are up there get ready , I'm coming " I felt peace. I wasn't sad or mad anymore. I wasn't scared, I was ready to move on. I layed down closed my eyes. I felt hands and heard voices , it was my parents and a nurse , screaming at me.
They put me in a chair and weeled me back inside , checking my fluids, vital signs. It took all of my strength to smile and say it's okay I'm ready.
Within two weeks my prognosis improved. Within another month I was able to return to work. To this day I still can't explain how or why I'm still here. I'm not religious and that close call didn't change anything. That being said it was still a profound life-changing state of consciousness that I still look to when times get hard or when I don't feel so good. As bad as that situation was and is terrible as I felt going through it as soon as I was healthy again I continued using illicit street drugs. I didn't actually get clean again until I was 26. I don't know why things happen the way they do. I don't know why I'm here and better people than I are not.
I've tried to make the best of my multiple 2nd chances. I guess this post is more for me than anyone else. Kinda like a journal. I do hope I have a positive impact on the lives of people In my own life atleast.
I talked to my sister for the first time in years today.
I still obviously have some issues to work through. I feel ashamed to have been given so many second chances. It's hard for me to open up to my family about certain things. . . . I wish I was a better son and brother.
Tomorrow I will go see them again but I don't really feel very comfortable around them.
