No I was there at one point for maybe a couple days without the realization of what I was actually taking. I'll tell you a funny story that isn't so funny. I was working R n D for a large semiconductor company and working with nasty shit like HF and H2SO4 to literally dissolve different metals. If you remember the scene where they dissolve a body in breaking bad, thats the levels of chemicals I was working with, nasty shit. I got some splashed on my hand and went out on workers comp for a couple weeks. When I was off work I got my hands on a ton of Xanax with my oxy. By the tail end of my works comp I don't even remember what I was doing cause I was eating so much fake Xanax with whatever the fuck was in those pills and one night I was doing coke and started have extreme anxiety. I had no more Xanax and ended up in the hospital having an extreme panic attack. They said I was having seizures at the hospital that I had no idea was happening cause it felt like I was blinking my eyes. They then released me home that day and I would proceed to drive home and anytime I laid on my left side I would have a seizure. I was puking all over the place and have these "blinks" which turned out to be massive seizures, only reason I knew they were cause I bite the shit outta my tongue and had literal teeth marks on my tongue. Now thats was the first time I EVER had a physical withdraw from something. Lesson of this story is lower your dosage SLOWELY and avoid what I went thorough.
I take Xanax because of the short half life, I truly have a love hate relationship with diazepam, my favorite benzo, but it stays in your system for fucking months. Now Xanax comes in and out quickly so if you have a high blood serum of it, you need to allow time for your body to SLOWELY adjust to the new therapeutical levels your introducing your body too. I work in the Pharma industry and have existence knowledge of this. I am NOT an MD but a PhD. Personally go to a detox and have them medically treat you if you can as then your have medical professionals helping you.........14mg a day is a SHIT TON dude like I take 4mg on a BAD day and thats WAY too much I shouldn't even be taking it everyday and I have a script. I wish you luck in getting that down, you don't fucking need 7 Xanax a day, just take half a bar when you feel real panicky. But remember you can die from those seizures so you need to slowly lower your amount daily.
This is a really good account of this. Benzo addictions and the things people go through and get zero memory to account for the consequence of using heavy doses of them for all the consequences they face and need to face anyway…. there is no free pass on you don’t remember the problems that come up when they happen, because you DO remember taking all these pills which people know very well as having histories of disaster while blacked out on Xanax…
I’m glad I’ve never had a true addiction to benzos,,,, there are times I’ve been using heavy though and that’s a part of things like
Feelings when I think about things like, driving around on a ton of my scripted benzo pills.. and now I’ve got no drivers license. And I think 4 years after being issued as a note from a doctor with 6 months without drinking any alcohol. Its been taking years for me to ever accumulate just SIX months of no reported alcohol use. I've planned about it before to say fuck being honest and just SAY I have it as to when I was LAST seen with any symptoms related to my use of alcohol!
Then I think - ‘Well. I have always been ever since I was given this condition needing to be SIX months from last ER trip to alcohol related problems whrpere it turns out..
I've never made even CLOSE to six months since November of 2018, and I also can't for the LIFE of me manage to not walk into, or just flat out land my ass into the hospital even! In spaces above 6 months so if I did decide to say FUCK the whole truth I want to get through this to get my license back!
I've since come back to just telling the truth, and to make a plan when I feel more stable, like not feeling I'm going to cope without ANY drinks for the full six months....
Anyway, I did also mix a good 15+ lorazepam pills 1mg each into the mix on the day I rolled my van three times WAY off my lane and past the ditch a good 20ft…. Maybe 20 feet? I can’t picture this one distance much….
For some reason my memory is just a BIT fuzzy on being drawn at a BAC of .27 and a shitton or Lorazepam.. which I seem to remember taking at least 15…..
I was passing someone and speeding going like 140 km/h and being after the first good winter weather hit in November I obviously flailed HARD when I hit BLACK ICE.
I’m terrified of winter driving now and can feel really impending doom problematic premonitions that we’re gonna fucking crash in any triggering situation regardless of season ever since now.. this has ZERO to do with the FACT that I’d be okay if I hadn’t used and drank so much that morning….
Benzos can do a lot man. No one in this story me or CRA or whomever I could be said to have been monitored by after such an unfortunate ‘accident’ where I made my mark for SURE to make it okay for me in my mind that drinking and drugging and driving on slippery icy roads after a winter storm was all good to me!
Anyway, due to the effects of I would say..
Shock to he body from being in a 140hm/h and repeat rolling minivan weighing thousands of pounds and the fucking engine was smoking to shit
Extreme alcohol ABUSE with blood alcohol levels sitting at 350% over the limit which was .08 then. Two weeks later the law changed to harsher penalties and max legal BAC .05 so now I’d be going to jail on a first offence MOST likely on a .27 which is now 540% over the legal limit.
and Lorazepam ABUSE
And I am MYSTIFIED how lucky I am that NO ONE GOT HURT. I got a MINOR concussion. Left side of my body and legs with some whatever level bruising which made it tough to be very quick on my stairs and I recall skipping a day of pulling out the floorboards at home because that hurt some crouching down.
I WALKED to my ambulance and scalated myself with NO assistance up the big step and into the back when I got picked up. If anyone wants backup from me that you touched my arm or whatever…for luck. Lie or no lie I am a fucking GENIE with an incredible ability where I’m not just alive, but I didn’t even take a real bad hit to my body in any fucking way!
Lol. My first words after were to the woman I had attempted the impossible trick shot maneuver of passing a vehicle… she came to my window. Smashed open obviously. I remember this part pretty vividly for some reason. My engines all fucking smoke and I am LOL level probably going get a suggestion not to when I told her
**turns head slowly and says……
Well with my stupid, without doubt googly looking fucking eyes all in shock and I am incorrigibly stupid no matter HOW bad I got it.. cuz NO WAY would I have checked at sometime in my 8 years of driving and I am TWENTY SEVEN YEARS OF AGE….
May I have crashed here… my mega-chug of a cocktail of both hard liquor and 15 LORAZEPAM which was so vastly intoxicating I STILL can’t remember what I was thinking when my first thought of what to say to this woman looking at me with her ‘is this guy gonna be fucking alive’ shirt on..
“I need a smoke“
**starts to reach for my pack..