My story please help me!!

[real123]

Ok so ill start from the beginning my life completely changed on the 5th of september 2016.

Before this I was a happy go lucky 23 year old going through the motions of life not really caring what was going to happen next, I would say I didnt really have any goals I had just finished my degree in property not something that I had a great interest in but did it anyways and graduated after 5 years not sure where I was going next I continued to work in my job as a shop assistant in a local store. I enjoyed it for the most part the people were good craic I always liked to have a good laugh i would have described myself as a cheeky, confident 23 year old who enjoyed getting on with people loved hanging around with my friends even if we were doing nothing. I enjoyed going out drinking most weekends, never really had a relationship (a relationship at 15 does not count in my opinion) but did get off with a good few women when I was out, I dont really know if i ever loved anyone I'd say i did like a good few girls but maybe was a bit afraid of commitment any sign that they had a lot of interest I would be inclined to just give up or say to myself I dont like them when deep down maybe I didnt like the idea of commitment (just a thought). I never had any history of anxiety no panic attacks I wouldnt say I was even a nervous person not much used to bother me I was just sailing through life.

I had gotten into a little bit of trouble with the law for drunk and disorderly nothing major ever came of it and to be honest I viewed it as stupid drunken events, (one was a fight) (the other a disturbance in a chipper and got arrested for not leaving the scene).

I didnt really know where I was going with my life and what my real purpose was I guess you could say I wasnt really embracing life, how I wish I had done things differently now hindsight is a wonderful thing but we only get one shot at it unfortunately.

So on september 2nd I was going on my last trip or last weekend without being crippled with pain (physical and emotional).
Myself and a group of friends were heading to electric picnic a festival that I was lucking forward to going on a mad party session something id never really done to this extreme I had taken cocaine before and a few party drugs nothing major tho with no life altering circumstances.
This weekend was a hell of a lot different the weekend was set for friday, saturday and sunday.
Friday was ideal drank beer and took a small bit of cocaine and enjoyed the music everything was perfect,
Saturday drank beer took a bit of cocaine and also mdma (ecstasy) felt great really enjoyed the whole weekend until sunday morning.
I woke up ok as far as i remember felt a bit dizzy put it down to a hangover but really i was very light headed could barely walk a 5 metre distance from where we were sitting to our tent something wasnt right but that day and night i continued to take mdma and drank quiet a lot and still never felt the real effects of either the drink or the drugs.

Came home felt horrendous as you would after a heavy weekend so just said i sleep it off, wish that was the case.
Wednesday I was to work went in still feeling horrific very weak agitated and just generally not myself whatsoever.
That night it all really started

I was trying to get some sleep that night and started experiencing brain shocks (zaps) i literally could not sleep no matter how hard i tried every time i would just be able to sleep bang shock and i would be woke up. This went on for a few days. I then went to a GP and was given a sleeping tablet it work but the shocks continued right through until I fell asleep, at this stage I was so afraid I was sleeping on my mothers bedroom room in fear i was going to die the shocks were happening all over my body. I was extremely weak could barely stand up or walk for any length of time. Listening to any loud noises would hurt irritate me and my concentration was gone 0 couldnt focus on anything. I had an extremely fast heart rate all the time even when at home it was racing like mad, numerous ecg tests done and told the doctors my story I was told I had damaged receptors in my brain and it should recover in about 2 weeks (how
wrong were they and inaccurate with their timeline). I went back to work all the while with the fast heart rate headaches etc..
(Gonna give a briefer example from here)

Experience after electric picnic. Symptoms i can remember

Constantly felt tired and unwell.
Also remember being very weak on my feet couldn't stand for any length of time
extreme sensitivity to light and especially sound even conversing with someone would rattle my head.
I was unable to sit in a car for any length of time due to vibrations felt like i was going to die cant remember
exactly the feeling put head and body was all over the place.
Another evening i tried to go cinema and same thing the vibrations through the floor and sound caused me
to have a massive attack and had to leave and walk a 10 minute walk home constantly thinking i was gonna
collapse the whole way.
heart rate was high something like 160 so gp sent me to a&e had an ECG and told the doctors what had
happened they said to relax and it should settle within a week or two so took that time off work to relax.
i had extreme headaches head exploded on several occasions was not able to listen to headphones at all
or even watch a programme on my laptop, concentration was extremely poor.
i had pressure on my nose, jaw and
flu like symptoms because i remember thinking it could have been a sinus infection.
numbness on face and forehead.
I remember sleeping in the car on the way to a grad and woke up and my whole face was numb.
i had a few beers that night and head would burst a few times whilst drinking but eventually went away after having a few.
i was given ibuprofen at one stage with little or no effect
then had a CT Scan nothing out the ordinary showed up and was prescribed inderal and was told this was all to do with the MDMA and would eventually settle.
Kept on them for a while cant remember had they much of an effect maybe slightly
The final straw for me was what i can only describe as my whole entire body crunching up and my head
splitting in two with tremendous force. most extreme experience ever.
I also recall having extreme pain/tingling in hands and bullet pains in legs especially when trying to sleep.
I re

Currently nearly off the benzos but finding it very tough

My main question is what I was going through withdrawal in the acute stage and could it have recovered or am i fucked?
Should I have given it more time?
The timeline to me sounds like I was in acute withdrawal and my brain was recovering or could it be damaged beyond repair now?

Any theories, ideas experience would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Kunmo2]

Currently almost off benzos? I didnt see the part where u said u were on them. Ive had a similar reaction which i chalked up to X having other shit in it. Unlike pure MDMA who knows what its cut with...

Just take it easy. If it persists for days then i would get checked out.

 

[juansalar]

Hello
Firstly, you have my heartfelt sympathies... what you're experiencing sounds horrendous.
It also sound familiar; I believe I've experienced similar sensations. I particularly empathise with your description of brain shocks and the feeling of being hypersensitive and overwhelmed by sensations, either internal or manifestations of external stimuli.
I can't obviously attempt to diagnose your condition, but I will tell you what I think my similar symptoms were caused by and give you my opinion of what could be behind your condition.
Ok, I'm trusting that the tests you took would have identified any latent epilepsy, tumour or neurological condition. Do continue to be vigilant regarding any changes in your symptoms, but you'd probably benefit from quelling any anxiety worrying that you have a serious undiagnosed condition. Anxiety, in all situations, can only worsen discomfort and painful feelings.
I'm inclined to agree with the assessment made by the doctors you saw and suggest that your condition is symptomatic of withdrawal from a mood altering drug. However, leaving the diagnosis at that, with 'withdrawal' being such a broad term, and recovery open to interpretation is inhelpful.
I would agree that your opiate or gabba receptors (or whatever they're called) are not working correctly as a result of taking this drug. It seems that you have had a very unusually strong reaction that has switched your receptors off temporarily. The severity of your condition and the sensitivity of your receptors suggests that you may suffer from an underlying chemical imbalance which makes you much more susceptible to endorphin 'rushes' and 'highs', and conversely also more susceptible to the lows, general pain and fatigue, emptiness and discomfort from which there is no respite. Subsequently this could also make you more prone to addiction, risk taking behaviour, binge drinking and its consequences (getting into trouble with the police etc).
I imagine, when your symptoms are at their worse, the minutes take hours to pass and although you feel so exhausted you're incapable of rest and cannot satisfy your restless tiredness. Do you also suffer from restless legs syndrome and insomnia?
I believe the above describes how someone feels, especially someone particularly sensitive, to an absence of dopamine and serotonin. It also perfectly and accurately describes the causes and symptoms of the Post Acute Withdrawal Stage of opiate withdrawal. It's exactly the same: opiate / endorphins receptors in the brain aren't working properly and PAWs is equally applicable to Withdrawal from all addictive drugs (affecting dopamine and serotonin).
Your reaction is severe and your experience is quite unique. Whilst I would usually suggest that the receptors would start working normally within 3 months, in your case it's impossible to estimate how long this could take.
Am I right in thinking that this has gone on for a year now? You poor bastard!!! If this is as bad as I imagine it's intolerable that you've suffered for so long. Your symptoms warrant being classified as a chronic condition. You really need to see a specialist.
Post Acute Withdrawal is described as lasting anywhere from weeks to years, sometimes indefinitely. However, from personal experience and professional experience it's accurate to say that most recover from PAWs within 3 months. Research PAWs if you're unfamiliar.
Assuming that my opinion is correct, there are a few things you should do. These will not harm you if I'm wrong and could actually be of general help:
1. First, go back to the doctor if there has been absolutely no improvement in past couple of months demand a reappraisal and ask for the following
2. Zopiclone - a Z class less addictive alternative to Valium which will relax and reduce pain. Sounds like you're currently tapering off benzodiazepines this will be a good substitute which your doctor ought to prescribe.
3. If symptoms are particularly bad and your doctor still believes your receptors aren't working ask to discuss gabapentine, SSRIs, beta blockers - I'm not saying take these, but I am saying it's worth having a conversation with your doctor about them. With your doctor it's important to stress how unusual and over sensitive your reaction is, and how badly your symptoms are affecting your everyday life. Basically you shouldn't be expected to live with this and put up with your symptoms.
In addition, check out the following:
3. Anti-histamines: if you're very sensitive to drugs affecting endorphins, then it's likely you'll be also sensitive to antihistamines (like me). I'm referring to ones that make you drowsy. You may feel relaxed and experience some respite after taking a couple.
4. Avoid alcohol. It will make you feel worse
5. Some herbal remedies such as valerian may help. There's one in particular that I find relaxing but I can't currently remember it...
6. Sounds trite and cliched, but it's glib because it's good... exercise is often the best way to boost endorphins. Even if you feel shite force yourself out for a walk
7. It may be your doctor just doesn't possess the knowledge. He/she may not know about PAWs... ask if they do. If they don't ask to be referred to an addiction specialist, not a drugs worker or a nurse with a substance misuse qualification but a doctor with either a mental health or 'dual diagnosis ' specialty. You need this expert advice.
8. As possibly a last resort, you may require a small dose of an opiate substitute which as you taper off will encourage your receptors to take over the job of the opiate antagonist. This sounds extreme, but a low strength of subutex taken daily will completely relieve your symptoms and you'll be able to live a normal life again. Don't worry about this, there is undoubtedly a treatment for you and you will recover.

Be positive. Hope and not catastrophising - corny as it may sound - are instrumental in starting to feel better. I'm trusting that this is a chemical imbalance and you will get better. I've experienced similar exaggerated reactions to alcohol and drugs - you wouldn't believe how low a binge drinking session lays me. Nothing to do with a hangover.
I believe my condition is caused by a genetic disposition towards addiction resulting from an endorphins imbalance further fucked up by irresponsible use of drugs affecting dopamine and serotonin. If your condition is similar to my own, consider that if we hadn't used drugs we would have carried on through life without experiencing a crisis and the emergence of severe symptoms but we probably would have tolerated a feeing of disquiet and anxiety lying just beneath the surface. I believe my father and uncles suffer with this.
Whatever your reaction is unusual and your doctor should pay attention to this fact; do not accept being dismissed just because he/she doesn't have the answers. Request a discussion on medication to temporarily manage symptoms and drugs to manage chronic conditions in the long run: these may be SSRIs which you may not like since they'll leave you empty and numb, and destroy your libido. Or they could be another drug, such as subutex, or even cognitive behavioural therapy, meditation and exercise could suffice.
Good luck and let me know how you get on. If I can think of anything more I'll message you.