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Quickfixgrrl

Quickfixgrrl

Bluelighter
Joined
May 9, 2019
Messages
895
Hey all..
I've been on here whilst high/drunk and posted some stupid shit.
Truth is.. I'm here because I'm at the end of my rope. It truly feels like I'm becoming a nihilst, zero fucks given about myself and the pills I swallow as long as they keep the depression and anxiety at bay..

Every morning I wake up in a dark veil of impending doom... the bleaks take over and I light a cigarette, pop my medicine and wait for the numbness to take over.

I scroll this site and feel at home. I read a lot, have lurked for a while. I feel safe and content here.

Love from the girl in Oz x
 
Quickfixgrrl said:
Hey all..
I've been on here whilst high/drunk and posted some stupid shit.
Truth is.. I'm here because I'm at the end of my rope. It truly feels like I'm becoming a nihilst, zero fucks given about myself and the pills I swallow as long as they keep the depression and anxiety at bay..

Every morning I wake up in a dark veil of impending doom... the bleaks take over and I light a cigarette, pop my medicine and wait for the numbness to take over.

I scroll this site and feel at home. I read a lot, have lurked for a while. I feel safe and content here.

Love from the girl in Oz x
Click to expand...

Hi quickfix, welcome :)
I know exactly how you feel, you pretty much described my life too, right there.
 
I too have been on pretty serious pain meds for nearly 40 years and I know exactly what you're talking about. It's a very easy place to go (it's been my default mode on and off for years), I have found through much trial and error, it's super important to have some sort of schedule or routine and to do something meaningful each day (if you.can, of course, basically it's a goal).

With the meds and the pains for which we take our meds, can make us just want to isolate ourselves. While it can work for a while, it just isn't sustainable for the long term became at the end of the day, we are social creatures. Hang in there Quickfix!
 
Hello Quickfixgrrl!

It sounds like you're in a pretty bad place at the moment. For that reason I'm going to move this thread over to the Dark Side subforum.

Take care...
 
ChemicallyEnhanced said:
Hi quickfix, welcome :)
I know exactly how you feel, you pretty much described my life too, right there.
Click to expand...
Sorry to hear this, ChemicallyEnhanced ? And thank you for welcoming me. Everyone seems so warm and real here, which is awesome.
I feel like my mind is broken... ? I used to be well. My depressive and anxiety episodes have always come in waves my entire life.. but for the past 3 years it's consumed me. I'm exhausted now. I'm almost at the point of indifference and acceptance that this is simply as good as it gets right now.
I'm sick of desperately trying to fix my mind.. I've tried therapy and numerous anti anxiety meds but it seems like this horrible cloud is untouchable.

F.U.B.A.R, I can't seem to find all of the forums to browse..? When I click "Forums" on the home page all I get is "What's new", new posts, your threads or search threads.
 
BeachBum4u said:
I too have been on pretty serious pain meds for nearly 40 years and I know exactly what you're talking about. It's a very easy place to go (it's been my default mode on and off for years), I have found through much trial and error, it's super important to have some sort of schedule or routine and to do something meaningful each day (if you.can, of course, basically it's a goal).

With the meds and the pains for which we take our meds, can make us just want to isolate ourselves. While it can work for a while, it just isn't sustainable for the long term became at the end of the day, we are social creatures. Hang in there Quickfix!
Click to expand...

Hi Beachbum ?
Thanks for your reply. Wow.. 40 years on pain meds? I feel for you, that is awful ?
I'm not using the Lyrica for pain.. well, not physical pain, anyway.. my doc put me on it as an anti anxiety drug. I've only been on it for 3 months, but admittedly have long abused it as well as other substances. I know I need to take it as directed for any beneficial results but find myself taking triple the dose most mornings, just to numb the hurt and panic. I think I need to go back and ask for some more valium to take as an instant reliever and stick to the Lyrica for it's intended therapeutic benefits..
 
Quickfixgrrl said:
Hey all..
I've been on here whilst high/drunk and posted some stupid shit.
Truth is.. I'm here because I'm at the end of my rope. It truly feels like I'm becoming a nihilst, zero fucks given about myself and the pills I swallow as long as they keep the depression and anxiety at bay..

Every morning I wake up in a dark veil of impending doom... the bleaks take over and I light a cigarette, pop my medicine and wait for the numbness to take over.

I scroll this site and feel at home. I read a lot, have lurked for a while. I feel safe and content here.

Love from the girl in Oz x
Click to expand...


We depressives or Manic Depressives in depressives states understand exactly what you are talking about. I'm going to my first NA meeting tomorrow after much aversion to the whole NA Cult I mean Culture. Sometimes I'm better than other days after coming to certain realizations about how some of my problems could be solved over the long term. Other times, I will just break down crying in my room. I just wanted to say that I understand. All of this while trying to be part of society and put up a front just to keep jobs and such and keep up all the appearances that that godforsaken life has come to. Today I feel well. Two days ago, crying. I have no idea about tomorrow. It's not unreasonable that our types are more likely to self-medicate with something whether even nicotine, alcohol, or whatever...

https://www.bluelight.org/xf/threads/may-recovery-thread.873744/

The month of May Recovery thread has some nice support from this online community trying to prop each other up I find.
 
Quickfixgrrl said:
Hi Beachbum ?
Thanks for your reply. Wow.. 40 years on pain meds? I feel for you, that is awful ?
I'm not using the Lyrica for pain.. well, not physical pain, anyway.. my doc put me on it as an anti anxiety drug. I've only been on it for 3 months, but admittedly have long abused it as well as other substances. I know I need to take it as directed for any beneficial results but find myself taking triple the dose most mornings, just to numb the hurt and panic. I think I need to go back and ask for some more valium to take as an instant reliever and stick to the Lyrica for it's intended therapeutic benefits..
Click to expand...

Yea, it is what it is. I do think I agree with your idea at the end of your post with regard to your Lyrica Rx. The closest you can get to where the blood level of the medication is at a constant, you should find life a little easier (IMHO). Unfortunately you won't get much of a "buzz" taking that way (there won't be the wide swings in your blood levels anymore). I'm guessing one does get some sort of buzz from Lyrica. I wouldn't know since I don't believe I've ever taken it. Good Luck going forward with however you choose to proceed!
 
Do you wanna talk a bit more about personal stuffs? So maybe we can see what's up with your anixety & depression. If you want you can P.M me if you are ashamed about something but don't be. ?
 
You're too kind, shady. It means a lot, thank you x
I've always loved that song by Ozzy, this remix is awesome, too!
 
Whoah you turned into an entirely different person, Shady!
Good for you (y)
That's supposed to be a legit compliment btw.
 
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