My friend just died

[JoEhJoEh]

I’m so angry it should be me I don’t deserve to live he did

Was he suicidal if I may ask?

 

[Snafu in the Void]

I’m so angry it should be me I don’t deserve to live he did

I KNOW that emotion brother, I really do. Some of the friends I lost were happier, smarter, kinder..... a lot better people than me.

Use that as a motivation to make yourself better.

But again, I know how devastated you must feel. I've been through it 4 times.

 

[Anonymous Dissident]

I've lost 4 friends to heroin/fent over the years. I am so sorry man.... attend the funeral if you can.

I will remember the funerals more than my friends. Made a huge impact on my life and likely one of the reasons I am still alive today.

Honor them by being there, if you can.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I've lost 4 friends to overdose in recent years myself. It is always a gut punch to put it mildly. As others have said, take the time to grieve properly. Benzodiazepines may help a little in the short term (speaking from experience here), but you simply cannot short-cut grief. Solitude in the wilderness with a joint or two to smoke in a loved one's honor is my grieving place; finding your safe place to grieve really does help. Condolences and please be safe,

AD

 

[Snafu in the Void]

I remember my friend J.L.'s funeral. We were pretty close. During the funeral his father and I hugged and he sobbed uncontrollably into my shoulder for probably 5 minutes. I just hugged him and let him give me his all........

I swore after that last death I would never do heroin again.

I wish I could say that were true, but I have certainly relapsed several times over the years.... but that image and moment keeps coming up.

I honestly think if that grown ass man never cried into my shoulder I would be dead already.

Life creates... life destroys.... but that devastated man losing his son to the same thing I was doing certainly changed me. Forever.

I think I would be dead, too, if not for that moment.

Just think about yourself and how you can honor his life through yours, if that makes any sense right now....

might sound cringey but I still poor some liquor/beer out for the lost ones... every time I drink. True story. Unfortunately I don't waste hard drugs like that.... ironic?

 

[Asclepius]

I’m crying, I have to sign for a new car today but I just wanna take the rest of my klonopin and fade away It’s only 3 1mgs so don’t worry. I’ve got until 2 to make it so

Am so sorry FF. Losing a loved one is beyond expressing on here. I hope you are doing ok? There are no decent words online to express loss like this...its a process ( no calander time, no platitudes, no philosophies can break grief - you just feel it, endure and savour the memories and they, they are the beauties that get you through; that you carry.

 

[Flynnal]

I only just got around to reading the rest of the stories on here. I'm terribly sorry that you lost a friend. There is no right way to move forward, but plenty of sunshine, and reminiscing the good times can add some perspective. Grief sets its own timeline, and there is no time limit. All grief no matter what it is can break someone and that takes so much time and pain to move past it. I hope you are feeling better today.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Am so sorry FF. Losing a loved one is beyond expressing on here. I hope you are doing ok? There are no decent words online to express loss like this...its a process ( no calander time, no platitudes, no philosophies can break grief - you just feel it, endure and savour the memories and they, they are the beauties that get you through; that you carry.

Yes I’m doing better today, thank you for your sentiments. It’s one of those things, that you learn to live with. Death has always been esoteric to me. But again, thank you so much for your time and sentiments. God bless you.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I only just got around to reading the rest of the stories on here. I'm terribly sorry that you lost a friend. There is no right way to move forward, but plenty of sunshine, and reminiscing the good times can add some perspective. Grief sets its own timeline, and there is no time limit. All grief no matter what it is can break someone and that takes so much time and pain to move past it. I hope you are feeling better today.

Yes I am. Thank you for your sentiments. This death struck me oddly, I cried only a little for my grandma I knew she was in pain, but this friend was still young. Not my age, but close to my moms which makes it even more of a reality that one day it may be her before me. And idk how dark that will get for me. She’s all I’ve had. But It helps we don’t live close to each other anymore, now I actually appreciate the time spent with her and that was the last time I got to see my friend so the drive was worth it. Sorry I’m rambling

 

[Jabberwocky]

I remember my friend J.L.'s funeral. We were pretty close. During the funeral his father and I hugged and he sobbed uncontrollably into my shoulder for probably 5 minutes. I just hugged him and let him give me his all........

I swore after that last death I would never do heroin again.

I wish I could say that were true, but I have certainly relapsed several times over the years.... but that image and moment keeps coming up.

I honestly think if that grown ass man never cried into my shoulder I would be dead already.

Life creates... life destroys.... but that devastated man losing his son to the same thing I was doing certainly changed me. Forever.

I think I would be dead, too, if not for that moment.

Just think about yourself and how you can honor his life through yours, if that makes any sense right now....

might sound cringey but I still poor some liquor/beer out for the lost ones... every time I drink. True story. Unfortunately I don't waste hard drugs like that.... ironic?

Cringe? Cringe is just a millennial word for Respectful things OGs doo, thank you for being there for me and for your friend you have a good heart. It took me a while and the klonopin made everything worse. I’m doing my best to stay away from any pill.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Cringe? Cringe is just a millennial word for Respectful things OGs doo, thank you for being there for me and for your friend you have a good heart. It took me a while and the klonopin made everything worse. I’m doing my best to stay away from any pill.

Cringe is one of the most normie and braindead words out there. Overused, just like calling somebody Karen or incel.
Death of a close friend can be hard and for me I usually only have realized the severity of the situation when I saw them on coffin.
I've been in a house where one guy was death for 2 hours before we noticed. Fucking insane stuff.
I know so many people who've died.
Last one being a speedhead girl I used to hang out a lot when I did speed myself.
She hanged herself some weeks ago. I was expecting her to die, but not this fast.
We grew up in the same foster care.
I'm going to her funeral, just for the respect to her family.
I'm glad I did the decision to stop doing speed and hanging out with those people, because well - it wasn't a surprise to me that she died. So fucking depressing circles, no wonder you want to kill yourself.
I think we all experience things differently, so it's hard for anyone to relate. I wish you're well.
Time is the only thing that really helps and these things don't go away, you just learn how to deal with them.

 

[Asante]

Dear FuneralFather,

My heartfelt condolences for your loss. Less than 2 weeks ago I lost my best friend, whom I know since elementary school, to ALS.

Please allow your grief to hit rock bottom as soon as possible. Hold the klonopin and cry your eyes out.

Let the full extent of your grief achieve maximum manifestation as soon as possible.

After you smack down onto the rock bottom of your grief, lie there for a moment and then get back up and on your journey back to happiness.

This is how you deal with trauma in bad trips and in the worst parts of life, you let it gore you so you can transcend it as soon as possible.

FEEL IT. Most cruel advice but FEEL IT. Dont numb it with klonopin or it will linger for longer still. Take the pain right to the dome. No mitigation.

The only way out is through.

I am very sorry for your loss and hope you will soon reach the worst of your anguish so you can embark on the journey back.

Take the time it takes.

I studied the universe all my life, am 47 years old and I am convinced that your friend is in a better place, and is in fact Eternal like all of us.

The body in the box is just the space suit, the Astronaut is safe and sound on the Astral Plane, our true home.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Cringe is one of the most normie and braindead words out there. Overused, just like calling somebody Karen or incel.
Death of a close friend can be hard and for me I usually only have realized the severity of the situation when I saw them on coffin.
I've been in a house where one guy was death for 2 hours before we noticed. Fucking insane stuff.
I know so many people who've died.
Last one being a speedhead girl I used to hang out a lot when I did speed myself.
She hanged herself some weeks ago. I was expecting her to die, but not this fast.
We grew up in the same foster care.
I'm going to her funeral, just for the respect to her family.
I'm glad I did the decision to stop doing speed and hanging out with those people, because well - it wasn't a surprise to me that she died. So fucking depressing circles, no wonder you want to kill yourself.
I think we all experience things differently, so it's hard for anyone to relate. I wish you're well.
Time is the only thing that really helps and these things don't go away, you just learn how to deal with them.

Yeah. I’m seeing that now, my moms taking it the worse. She’s obsessing over the causes, and finding out if drugs were involved and if so who got them for him. And it’s sad to see her process it, please send wishes/prayers honestly just anything good out for my mom and her fiancé as they are the most affected right now

 

[Jabberwocky]

Dear FuneralFather,

My heartfelt condolences for your loss. Less than 2 weeks ago I lost my best friend, whom I know since elementary school, to ALS.

Please allow your grief to hit rock bottom as soon as possible. Hold the klonopin and cry your eyes out.

Let the full extent of your grief achieve maximum manifestation as soon as possible.

After you smack down onto the rock bottom of your grief, lie there for a moment and then get back up and on your journey back to happiness.

This is how you deal with trauma in bad trips and in the worst parts of life, you let it gore you so you can transcend it as soon as possible.

FEEL IT. Most cruel advice but FEEL IT. Dont numb it with klonopin or it will linger for longer still. Take the pain right to the dome. No mitigation.

The only way out is through.

I am very sorry for your loss and hope you will soon reach the worst of your anguish so you can embark on the journey back.

Take the time it takes.

I studied the universe all my life, am 47 years old and I am convinced that your friend is in a better place, and is in fact Eternal like all of us.

The body in the box is just the space suit, the Astronaut is safe and sound on the Astral Plane, our true home.

I love this and thank you so much! I needed this and eventually that’s what I ended up doing I played every sad song from Tuesday’s gone to Southern Accents, i maybe young but I still know good music. And I swam in tears. Which is an amazing title for my next song. Anyways, like you said I didn’t listen I took the klonopin it made my cry more I took it till I ran out, and the moment it ran out I felt again. And I felt it for what it was like you I believe we are just in a video game, a test.. to see which eternity we get to have.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Yeah. I’m seeing that now, my moms taking it the worse. She’s obsessing over the causes, and finding out if drugs were involved and if so who got them for him. And it’s sad to see her process it, please send wishes/prayers honestly just anything good out for my mom and her fiancé as they are the most affected right now

People trying to find dealers and people "responsible" for these deaths is just insane and trying to take the responsibility away from user - unless a scam of selling fentanyl as heroin or something like that can be proven.

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

Dear FuneralFather,

My heartfelt condolences for your loss. Less than 2 weeks ago I lost my best friend, whom I know since elementary school, to ALS.

Please allow your grief to hit rock bottom as soon as possible. Hold the klonopin and cry your eyes out.

Let the full extent of your grief achieve maximum manifestation as soon as possible.

After you smack down onto the rock bottom of your grief, lie there for a moment and then get back up and on your journey back to happiness.

This is how you deal with trauma in bad trips and in the worst parts of life, you let it gore you so you can transcend it as soon as possible.

FEEL IT. Most cruel advice but FEEL IT. Dont numb it with klonopin or it will linger for longer still. Take the pain right to the dome. No mitigation.

The only way out is through.

I am very sorry for your loss and hope you will soon reach the worst of your anguish so you can embark on the journey back.

Take the time it takes.

I studied the universe all my life, am 47 years old and I am convinced that your friend is in a better place, and is in fact Eternal like all of us.

The body in the box is just the space suit, the Astronaut is safe and sound on the Astral Plane, our true home.

Great post

There's no easy way to process grief - you just have to go through it

There's no way to medicate yourself out of it. Meds can be very helpful in , say, taking the edge off for an evening or two - but if you try to medicate the grief away it will just lie dormant, waiting for you to have to deal with it at a later date

I've lost far too many I love(d) - -you integrate the loss into your life experience. You never 'get over' it as such - you just learn to live with it

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

People trying to find dealers and people "responsible" for these deaths is just insane and trying to take the responsibility away from user - unless a scam of selling fentanyl as heroin or something like that can be proven.

exact truth - unfortunately part of the grieving process for many people is to seek to blame (initially anyway)

 

[Jabberwocky]

exact truth - unfortunately part of the grieving process for many people is to seek to blame (initially anyway)

The great question should be there "Why are you such important person, that it should be your right to decide who's responsible and impose your view of "justice" on them?"

 

[Jabberwocky]

The great question should be there "Why are you such important person, that it should be your right to decide who's responsible and impose your view of "justice" on them?"

Yeah my moms got some issues. I think she just wants it to be someone else’s fault. She does this a lot over death, I’m usually fine within a week. Unless it’s her that died. But she harps over it she did it with prince. Trying to trace clues, and investigate it. I think it gives someone a sense of control in a situation they know they have no control over. I worry how it will affect soberity for her. But she’s not her to defend herself so ima close that dynamic of this topic. Maybe this will form into a place for grieving you all have given so much help and support I thank you for it. As a side note, he may of had addictions but if I had to make a guess as if I’m qualified to do it he passed because of exhaustion on his heart. Work in the South Florida sun with pants on and a tooth that’s abscessed along with drinking all day. Mans got more balls then I would ever have I wouldn’t even weedeat while I was down there for a little spare change.

 

[Jabberwocky]

People trying to find dealers and people "responsible" for these deaths is just insane and trying to take the responsibility away from user - unless a scam of selling fentanyl as heroin or something like that can be proven.

I think they found a small capsule with a yellowish powder my moms fiancé is an ex cop, but not really a shithead like some are. He’s cool with things but he still has that cop mentality. I really hope it’s not fentanyl. If anyone will go back and see I had gotten sick from a dab cart I bought down there, and i stopped smoking it immediately. So perhaps vitamin E could be the culprit. There’s honestly so many factors I doubt anything other then toxicology can prove anything. I just wish I knew how to support her but firmly tell her to relax and let go. But she’s the one that found him dead. And she feels immense guilt for not checking on him cause she thought he was just passed out from work and drinking so she left him alone but he was in the rocker slumped forward. Its so eerie to me though that I was there less then two weeks before it happened and I bought a car the day after, (thinking I may need a reliable car to help my mother and her fiancé). The guy that died had been helping them with hurricane preps and living there to help out as my moms fiancé is basically disabled when pain meds aren’t involved.