My Addiction Gave Me A New Set of Eyes

[SAMSMITH]

’You are very unpredictable and highly rebellious you are the type of person who will deliberately do what you know you're not supposed to do, just to find out how it feels’


”How it feels” . I found this quote when I was digging around on a tarot page because I couldn’t sleep again and was bored out of my mind. The quote is for Aquarius. I don't really believe in all of that sort of stuff but I thought this quote spoke towards a few Blue/Green Lighters. ’How it feels’. For me, that was a huge part of my addiction. I wanted to know how something would make me feel. It was that simple.


I lived for finding new feelings. Finding out which drugs made me ’feel’. With a basic knowledge of pharmacology, my best friend and some shady as fuck places/ people, we began to discover the world of drugs. It was such an adventure, an open plain to find out how every substance felt.


I ended up discovering more about myself than about the drugs I was taking. My addiction nearly killed me. But it also opened my mind to a world and consciousness I had never, ever known. After Acid trips on the beach, smoking DMT under the stars, rolling joints in a hammock with a hand full of mushrooms, shrinking into my couch after a large amount of codeine/oxy, eyes slowly closing whilst listening to some acoustic.


I felt like after all was said and done, I had snapped out of the ’normal’ consciousness of society and seen another world. My mind was permanently opened. It is hard to put it in words but I am changed. As I said earlier, my addiction was horrible, but I will say it saved my life in a way. I'm grateful to see what I see now. Maybe I’m crazy, but my mind is different now. I look around and see everything with a brand new set of eyes. I was so damaged in the end, broken and beaten to a pulp because I couldn’t stop myself from seeing how it feels.


But from all the pain, came the gift of a new set of eyes and a consciousness I can not even start to put on paper. I’m changed forever.

 

[hikfromstik]

I know exactly how you feel . I call it priorities . It's the feelings we camouflaged for so long and then when we wake up from drug abuse they kick in overdrive. We instantly realize our priorities are back ( family, friends, love , nature, art , music ,etc....) . It is like a natural trip . Tears flowing helps our brain heal and so does sleep . Those nightmares during withdrawal is sorta like self therapy. The body/mind is so amazing how it starts the healing process as soon as withdrawal starts . I also wander if the body makes withdrawal miserable to teach us the right path and not go back . It gets deeper the more we think about our inner consciousness after the party ends .

 

[EPL1]

Just what I needed to read today, this is where I'm at now.

Ash.

I know exactly how you feel . I call it priorities . It's the feelings we camouflaged for so long and then when we wake up from drug abuse they kick in overdrive. We instantly realize our priorities are back ( family, friends, love , nature, art , music ,etc....) . It is like a natural trip . Tears flowing helps our brain heal and so does sleep . Those nightmares during withdrawal is sorta like self therapy. The body/mind is so amazing how it starts the healing process as soon as withdrawal starts . I also wander if the body makes withdrawal miserable to teach us the right path and not go back . It gets deeper the more we think about our inner consciousness after the party ends .

 

[Xorkoth]

The one good thing about addiction is that you can come out the other side a wiser and more aware person, if you don't succumb to it.

 

[Stargazer]

After learning the misery, suffering and pain drug abuse caused/causes, it's not possible to get high and just enjoy it.

There's always, always a price to pay for it. I'm not sure if you're only speaking about LSD/tripping or if opiates are also included.

I liked what you said about learning more about yourself than you learned about drugs So true. Nicely written.

 

[herbavore]

SAMSMITH, I think it is wonderful that you are able to see the wisdom that can come out of something that also was overwhelming in a negative way. Addiction is being out of harmony with yourself but even in the middle of addiction you can have amazing insights and growth of consciousness.

 

[JoeTheStoner]

if joseph wasn't sold into slavery he wouldn't of been able to save his family "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people[a] should be kept alive, as they are today." Genesis 50:20

a perfect example you may be familiar with is https://twitter.com/traceyh415?lang=en the women from the black tar heroin documentary she was real active on harm reduction on other sites , probably still is, i just don't know but yea i know she saved lives and it was only cause her past as a heroin addict that put her in the position to do so today.

ya dig what i'm saying ?

 

[SAMSMITH]

HERBAVORE, thank you, I never though it could turn out that way. Life is weird isn't it ? I'm happy it did though. It's a blessing.

 

[herbavore]

Life truly is weird! And I like it like that though damn it can be difficult sometimes.