Moving to another country for a woman

[pokepoke420]

I haven't posted in a while, but I'm alive, so hello to you all.

I met a girl 2 years ago on a dating app who was Temporarily working in the states. It was an instant connection on our first date that led to a year of dating and just fun. She had a great job waiting in her country, had to graduate uni, and she went home to follow her dreams. It wasn't our time. All I could do was admire her strength to leave love to finish something she started.

We tried long distance, and for a few months it was OK, but we lost touch because she worked 16 hour days and I was tired of it. I broke down after 2 months of no contact and finally messaged her - things picked up where they left off. She thought I hated her which is why she didn't try. I deleted her from social media, and she just left it at that. I was being a baby.

I finally opted for a visit after 2 months talking, and when I got there after a full year of not seeing each other, it felt like we saw each other yesterday. We just clicked such as the day we met. We spent a magical 2 weeks together. I've never believed in soul mates, even after 8 years with an X and almost marriage, but this is just effortless and beautiful. We're as similar as we are different. I've never felt this way, and I have a lot of dating experience.

My question is, has anyone else left their lives for a woman? Did it work? I'd be leaving the states for South America. I know, it should be the other way around. I just graduated uni, and I have an incredible career making unbelievable money. Nothing else to me matters though here, and for once in my life, I know someone feels the exact same way I feel. We talk about quitting our jobs and just running away. She's willing to live here as well but I can get a job easier there than she can here. Basically, I just needed some guidance from someone who reads this and relates. Thx for listening. Cheers.

 

[spacejunk]

could be a great opportunity - and it would suck to always have the niggling thought in the back of your mind - "what if?"

i know what it's like to be in a relationship with someone that just striaght-out works - it's special, and you know it when you meet someone like that. it's not like every other time you've liked or loved or fallen for someone, i assume.
when it's past the 'lust' or 'honeymoon' phases, and especially if you've done some things that have tested it.

what do you stand to lose if it doesn't work out? is your career in a field that you can continue or work in a related job/field/position elsewhere - or pick up where you left off - if you did end up coming back to the States? if you've only recently graduated and have just started your career, it's not like you're leaving a position you've had to work your way through the ranks to get to, presumably..

i've sort of done the opposite - i've moved away from a town and a great relationship i've been in for a few years, but our bond is so strong that we're having to doi the long distance thing because we want to both eventually have a better life together in the place i've moved to... kind of a long story, but i think if you love someone enough, and both have that connection, your relationship can withstand a lot more than relationships that are less tight and strong, if that makes any sense at all.

i say follow your heart, but plot out the path with your head.
if you're not tied down with major commitments, but you've finished your qualifications and have career prospects, in a logical sense, there may not be a more ideal time to take a chance like this and see how it plays out.

playing it safe is not always the best way to go about making life choices - obviously you don't want to take wild risks on a whim, but from what you've said this seems like a calculated risk. it may be that you'll never be in a better position to take a chance like this.
and if it doesn't work out, you'll have had the experience of living in a different country, something a lot of people in the world never get to experience.

from what little you've told us, it sounds like she makes you happy when you're together. i say go for it! why not?

 

[zephyr]

If youre meant to be together then where you live is immaterial.

 

[malakaix]

Can you come back to your career if it doesn't work out? I guess that's the real question here, you still want a couple of aces up your sleeve if it goes south.

I have 3 friends who met their wives overseas. All of them were travelling and met them while working/visiting their respective cities. One of them got married over there because his visa was about the run out.. but all three women ended up moving to Australia. Aside from the one friend who got married over there (he was working also) the other two continued a long-distance relationship for a couple of years with occasional visits before their girlfriends moved to Australia.

I've chased after a girl I met while abroad a long time ago when I was younger but I was dumb and didn't have a sound plan for how I would live overseas. I don't regret it though, it's always worth it because how often do you meet someone that makes you want to move heaven and earth.. it's what makes life feel real.

That said speaking from experience; you should make sure she's not the sole reason your moving there. Although she'd never tell you.. she will feel a burden of responsibility, that you shifted your entire life for her. That can make someone uncomfortable especially someone pursuing their own ambitions and goals.

There's also the culture shock and adjusting to life in a different country. I remember when I was living in Europe, I was dating/living with a local girl and although I had lived in the country for 1 year before I met her I could see over time it was bothering her that I wasn't picking up on some cultural norms and social nuances that were everyday part of living for her. But this is all bullshit in the grand scheme of it.. if your both completely committed to each other you'll find a way around it.

Ultimately if it doesn't work you go back to the states and if you can get back onto your career it'll just be a memory of an incredible experience. That's really what it's about. I came back home 4 years ago and I've made good money in that time, I've saved a lot but damn.. what I really remember and what matters most to me is when I was chasing after a feeling or moment in time.

 

[pokepoke420]

Wow... These are all really great posts. This totally validates my decision that I have been considering. I really love what you said about "don't make it all about her moving there because it can put a lot of pressure on her." That is a solid point. How else would you suggest? Should I say I want the experience of living in another country such as you have had??

I am new in my career as I made a change into a new field. I had a great job throughout college, but I moved into something with significantly higher pay. With my degree, I can always come back and start where I left off.
As for making me happy? I didn't want to bore with details, but I've never had anyone make me feel alive.

I've never felt my emotions so strongly and clearly. It truly makes me know that this is what being ALIVE really is. When you find these people, you don't let go. I never did, and the more I showed her I was for real, the more she started opening her heart as well. She brings out the best in me and makes me just want to try harder. She challenges me and makes me think, and most importantly we make each other cry from laughing daily. I just feel so blessed because we weren't supposed to meet, but the universe pushed us to.

Again, thank you for your replies. They are greatly valued. I've been a member here for years and it has been such a great place to come when I need advice from you smart and gifted individuals!