dankhead88
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 19, 2005
- Messages
- 918
Weight 168 lbs.height: 5'11"
18 November 2012
ROA: Oral, intranasal , intravenous, inhalation.
First dose started at 6am nov 15 from 5 hours of sleep
Last dose at 9pm nov 18 before i passed out
Driven. Driven by motivation. Driven by desires. Driven by neurotransmitters, chemical reactions, and stimulants; but it seems as if I’m almost out of gas. My internal indicator is on. My gauge is on E and I’m not sure how long this could go on for. Fuck it, let’s keep going. Let’s keep pursuing the unknown and see what I can get out of this.
Heart rate is 96. Blood pressure is unknown. 12:00 AM. It’s midnight for the third time. I drink two energy drinks and snort some meth. As soon as the caffeinated beverages kick in, I felt the crystal kick into high gear and felt a great sense of speed and my obsessive-compulsive behaviors are more prominent. With a thousand thoughts in my head running simultaneously, there was one thought in my head that stood out. This is when I decided to go on a journey get some more excitement and more speed.
This is Day 3. This is the beginning of my sleep deprived amphetamine induced psychosis. It’s 4:00 AM. As I’m driving down the highway, I see some people in the dark. I wonder what they were doing out in the street so late at night. Turned out they were mailboxes or tall bushes. Things started to go past the corner of my eye.
Despite the start of psychosis, I continue to re-administer my doses of methamphetamine to prevent any sleep whatsoever, due to obligations and the risks of possibly oversleeping. I know that this is a very unhealthy and destructive habit, but I was worried about obligations the day after. It’s probably just an excuse to use more. I began to notice the madness once the corner of my vision starts getting very vivid and when my auditory functions becomes increasingly distorted. I can hear voices very faintly in my car. Sounded like news radio with background music. There's no noise outside but I can hear a lot of things that I should not hear. Thoughts were often impaired with paranoia. Peripheral vision is often distracting due to hallucinations from my sleep deprived, drug induced psychosis.
I saw a man that was about to cross the street, it looked like he was waiting for the light to change. I grew tired of driving, despite the meth coursing through my bloodstream, I nodded off for a split second in the middle of the intersection. The light turned yellow and right when I went past the intersection, the man ran past me, so I hit the brakes real hard due to panic. For a second I thought I was about to hit the man. As I drove further, I looked back at that intersection. No such man ever existed to begin with.
An hour later I grew tired yet was still wired at the same time. I arrive at my friend’s home. He’s not home yet and told me to wait 25 minutes, so I proceeded to wait in the car. During that time, every chance I get to rest my eyes, I fall through into a dream-esque sequence that lasts for a split second. Throughout the night, my hallucinations grew increasingly more vivid. As long as I knew that the hallucinations aren’t real, I would think my sanity is right where it's at; despite people walking past me and staring at me through my car window, or how all the brown and red leaves are moving simultaneously in a synchronized fashion, or how I would get these weird strobe light flashes out of the blue as if someone was taking flash photography. I try to act as if nothing ever happened. I began to hear the voices and radio again from the silence in my car. I looked at my car radio. It was off. I turned the car off. Still hearing voices. I kept thinking a house down the street was playing loud music, but when I opened my window, all I hear are crickets chirping and the cars driving on the highway. As I waited, people kept walking past my car. I would see dimmed headlights in my peripheral and would think that my friend was here already or it was someone going home around that neighborhood. The cars didn’t appear in my side or rear view mirrors, nor were they actually physically there. I was kind of annoyed and a little anxious but I managed to shrug it off and once again; act as if nothing ever happened. My friend arrived and we chilled for a bit and it was beginning to be daylight.
7:00AM. Couple more bumps and some hits from the oil burner; we’ve decided to try to obtain some cannabis to smoke. The weed calmed me down a little, but the vividness of the psychotic, sleep-deprived state was only getting sharper. However, the sunlight really helps lessen the hallucinations. It’s always the darkness that fucks with me. I’m glad it’s Sunday though, otherwise I would have to leave earlier to get to work due to rush hour.
11:00 AM. I am exhausted and mentally drained despite the fact that I was continuously re-dosing meth throughout the 3 day bender in one or two hour intervals continuously taking small bumps, smoking, etc. Continuously filling the void of activity that lacked in my brain with dopamine and noradrenaline. I take some meth orally so that it kicks in later and I can last longer in work. Luckily, the shift is short and easy and made enough money to compensate for the loss of gasoline in my car. Thank god for being a waiter.
It was 5:00PM. Sun still out, but almost getting dark. After work, I did some more crystal despite that I told myself I needed to sleep. I was in the work parking lot, and as the sun started setting, I started hallucinating again. It seems to happen if I’m by myself. I kept thinking somebody keeps coming up to my car window stares at me through my window. I quickly did a few bumps and left. I felt it was still early to sleep though, so I proceeded to get some alcohol for myself. I managed to get some beer and smoked a little more crystal. I felt pretty decent but I still felt unsatisfied, so I made the decision to drive off to get more alcohol. It felt like an eternity just driving around and grew tired of the practice called driving, literally…
After I made it home, I drank the two beers and had four shots of Red Label scotch. I wanted to stay home and just relax. I felt pretty good for the most part, but felt like I needed a little bit more stimulation in the mix. I took some more crystal and felt mentally wide awake, but physically, my body was giving up on me. Thirty minutes later, I grew increasingly tired, so I proceeded to lie down just to relax, and then I blacked out.
“Fucking, A. I passed the fuck out. God damn it.”
I woke up at 4:00 AM and was unable to sleep again. I had school soon, but eventually I fell asleep again and missed my entire day. I was pissed at myself. Originally used for school and productivity, this drug has backfired now and became opposite of what it was originally supposed to be used for and is often times counter-productive to me. Now, it seems like I keep using it just to get through daily struggles or at home for hedonistic purposes.
I must admit though, this stuff is addictive. I was going to use it for my ADHD, but it’s too enjoyable to use it just for that purpose. Originally, 200 mg (or .2 gram, or whatever floats your boat.) lasts me 2-3 days. Now I’m doing 300 -500mg a day depending on how much I have. God, I can’t believe I’ve been doing this stuff for 3 months straight. It’s completely counter-productive for me now. I can sleep on it and even eat on it and I’m not talking about forcing myself to eat small meals; I’m talking about actually getting hungry and eating a whole steak kind of hungry. My friends are always shocked that I can do that. The weirdest thing about this drug is that when I’m off the drug, my blood pressure is low yet my resting heart rate is pacing like a racehorse, yet, as soon as I administer the drug, my resting heart rate slows down from 140 to 96 with harder pumps and blood pressure is only slightly raised. I suppose it’s a plus that I can eat and sometimes sleep on it, but this is grabbing me by the balls of my soul and the balls of my financial status from being a broke college student to even a more broke college student. I’m not sure what my school situation is, as I’m worried about my school performance, however, I’ve made these bad decisions and I must take action to change my route of living before the chaos that is present now, will get only worse. For the time being, I have to endure and change the chaos that surrounds me. Other than that, I'm going to at least limit my use.
Just be careful out there. This stuff is highly addictive. I find it harder to find a time to quit rather than just quitting, but as we grow older. Time constraints are more likely to happen. You have been warned!
Disclaimer: Some of the grammar, punctuations, and vocabulary could contain errors.
18 November 2012
ROA: Oral, intranasal , intravenous, inhalation.
First dose started at 6am nov 15 from 5 hours of sleep
Last dose at 9pm nov 18 before i passed out
My Three Day Experience
“I just don’t know anymore, but the question is why don’t I know anymore? Well, I don’t have an answer to that now, do I?”
“I just don’t know anymore, but the question is why don’t I know anymore? Well, I don’t have an answer to that now, do I?”
Driven. Driven by motivation. Driven by desires. Driven by neurotransmitters, chemical reactions, and stimulants; but it seems as if I’m almost out of gas. My internal indicator is on. My gauge is on E and I’m not sure how long this could go on for. Fuck it, let’s keep going. Let’s keep pursuing the unknown and see what I can get out of this.
“Alright, time to act like a professional.”
Heart rate is 96. Blood pressure is unknown. 12:00 AM. It’s midnight for the third time. I drink two energy drinks and snort some meth. As soon as the caffeinated beverages kick in, I felt the crystal kick into high gear and felt a great sense of speed and my obsessive-compulsive behaviors are more prominent. With a thousand thoughts in my head running simultaneously, there was one thought in my head that stood out. This is when I decided to go on a journey get some more excitement and more speed.
“I’ve been up for 2 days, man. Wait a minute, 3 days? Holy shit!”
This is Day 3. This is the beginning of my sleep deprived amphetamine induced psychosis. It’s 4:00 AM. As I’m driving down the highway, I see some people in the dark. I wonder what they were doing out in the street so late at night. Turned out they were mailboxes or tall bushes. Things started to go past the corner of my eye.
“Well shit, I guess it’s about that time again.”
Despite the start of psychosis, I continue to re-administer my doses of methamphetamine to prevent any sleep whatsoever, due to obligations and the risks of possibly oversleeping. I know that this is a very unhealthy and destructive habit, but I was worried about obligations the day after. It’s probably just an excuse to use more. I began to notice the madness once the corner of my vision starts getting very vivid and when my auditory functions becomes increasingly distorted. I can hear voices very faintly in my car. Sounded like news radio with background music. There's no noise outside but I can hear a lot of things that I should not hear. Thoughts were often impaired with paranoia. Peripheral vision is often distracting due to hallucinations from my sleep deprived, drug induced psychosis.
“I want something else, to get me through this Semi-charmed kind of life.”
I saw a man that was about to cross the street, it looked like he was waiting for the light to change. I grew tired of driving, despite the meth coursing through my bloodstream, I nodded off for a split second in the middle of the intersection. The light turned yellow and right when I went past the intersection, the man ran past me, so I hit the brakes real hard due to panic. For a second I thought I was about to hit the man. As I drove further, I looked back at that intersection. No such man ever existed to begin with.
“Holy shit, that man wasn’t even real. God, what the hell am I doing? I need to go to sleep. Sigh, I don’t even know why I’m doing this.”
An hour later I grew tired yet was still wired at the same time. I arrive at my friend’s home. He’s not home yet and told me to wait 25 minutes, so I proceeded to wait in the car. During that time, every chance I get to rest my eyes, I fall through into a dream-esque sequence that lasts for a split second. Throughout the night, my hallucinations grew increasingly more vivid. As long as I knew that the hallucinations aren’t real, I would think my sanity is right where it's at; despite people walking past me and staring at me through my car window, or how all the brown and red leaves are moving simultaneously in a synchronized fashion, or how I would get these weird strobe light flashes out of the blue as if someone was taking flash photography. I try to act as if nothing ever happened. I began to hear the voices and radio again from the silence in my car. I looked at my car radio. It was off. I turned the car off. Still hearing voices. I kept thinking a house down the street was playing loud music, but when I opened my window, all I hear are crickets chirping and the cars driving on the highway. As I waited, people kept walking past my car. I would see dimmed headlights in my peripheral and would think that my friend was here already or it was someone going home around that neighborhood. The cars didn’t appear in my side or rear view mirrors, nor were they actually physically there. I was kind of annoyed and a little anxious but I managed to shrug it off and once again; act as if nothing ever happened. My friend arrived and we chilled for a bit and it was beginning to be daylight.
“What the hell, is it really almost morning....again?”
7:00AM. Couple more bumps and some hits from the oil burner; we’ve decided to try to obtain some cannabis to smoke. The weed calmed me down a little, but the vividness of the psychotic, sleep-deprived state was only getting sharper. However, the sunlight really helps lessen the hallucinations. It’s always the darkness that fucks with me. I’m glad it’s Sunday though, otherwise I would have to leave earlier to get to work due to rush hour.
“Fuck, I really don’t want to work.”
11:00 AM. I am exhausted and mentally drained despite the fact that I was continuously re-dosing meth throughout the 3 day bender in one or two hour intervals continuously taking small bumps, smoking, etc. Continuously filling the void of activity that lacked in my brain with dopamine and noradrenaline. I take some meth orally so that it kicks in later and I can last longer in work. Luckily, the shift is short and easy and made enough money to compensate for the loss of gasoline in my car. Thank god for being a waiter.
“Time to go, thank god.”
It was 5:00PM. Sun still out, but almost getting dark. After work, I did some more crystal despite that I told myself I needed to sleep. I was in the work parking lot, and as the sun started setting, I started hallucinating again. It seems to happen if I’m by myself. I kept thinking somebody keeps coming up to my car window stares at me through my window. I quickly did a few bumps and left. I felt it was still early to sleep though, so I proceeded to get some alcohol for myself. I managed to get some beer and smoked a little more crystal. I felt pretty decent but I still felt unsatisfied, so I made the decision to drive off to get more alcohol. It felt like an eternity just driving around and grew tired of the practice called driving, literally…
“Fucking tired of driving.”
After I made it home, I drank the two beers and had four shots of Red Label scotch. I wanted to stay home and just relax. I felt pretty good for the most part, but felt like I needed a little bit more stimulation in the mix. I took some more crystal and felt mentally wide awake, but physically, my body was giving up on me. Thirty minutes later, I grew increasingly tired, so I proceeded to lie down just to relax, and then I blacked out.
“Fucking, A. I passed the fuck out. God damn it.”
“It’s like little shiny rock candy, except the sugar high is so good that it gives you a hard-on.”
I must admit though, this stuff is addictive. I was going to use it for my ADHD, but it’s too enjoyable to use it just for that purpose. Originally, 200 mg (or .2 gram, or whatever floats your boat.) lasts me 2-3 days. Now I’m doing 300 -500mg a day depending on how much I have. God, I can’t believe I’ve been doing this stuff for 3 months straight. It’s completely counter-productive for me now. I can sleep on it and even eat on it and I’m not talking about forcing myself to eat small meals; I’m talking about actually getting hungry and eating a whole steak kind of hungry. My friends are always shocked that I can do that. The weirdest thing about this drug is that when I’m off the drug, my blood pressure is low yet my resting heart rate is pacing like a racehorse, yet, as soon as I administer the drug, my resting heart rate slows down from 140 to 96 with harder pumps and blood pressure is only slightly raised. I suppose it’s a plus that I can eat and sometimes sleep on it, but this is grabbing me by the balls of my soul and the balls of my financial status from being a broke college student to even a more broke college student. I’m not sure what my school situation is, as I’m worried about my school performance, however, I’ve made these bad decisions and I must take action to change my route of living before the chaos that is present now, will get only worse. For the time being, I have to endure and change the chaos that surrounds me. Other than that, I'm going to at least limit my use.
“With a tick tock rhythm, a bump for the drop and then I bumped up. I took the hit that I was given. Then I bumped again. Then I bumped again.”
Just be careful out there. This stuff is highly addictive. I find it harder to find a time to quit rather than just quitting, but as we grow older. Time constraints are more likely to happen. You have been warned!
Disclaimer: Some of the grammar, punctuations, and vocabulary could contain errors.
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