Vegasspider
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 8, 2011
- Messages
- 30
It is starting to seem like 100% opiate detox is not in the cards for me. For me bup is a barrier to feeling better & clarity, but it's necessary to keep my body from going into withdrawal especially precipitated withdrawal. This is a link to my thread from 3 1/2 years ago. I see much better now the process through the thread and how it played out is spot on to what everyone here on Bluelight said to expect. https://bluelight.org/xf/threads/10mg-methadone-jump-off.872948/
For clarity I am not ready nor do I think I will ever be ready to be opiate free. I am now at 26+ surgeries and real pain is a real problem but I not debilitating pain - I think.
My problem is after getting off of methadone I have been on Hydro and belbuca for the past 3 1/2 years. With the help of my therapist I now see it is part of my daily mental health decline. No energy, clairity, concentration, sense of urgency. I have been suffering from a serious fog and depression for a solid 3 years. I was attributing the depression and fog to my open heart surgery Jan 2020. My heart surgeon explained that during the operation they actually stop the heart to put it on the machine. Because of that your brain freaks out. The long term psychological problems could occur. I am one of the lucky ones and it did, besides the total stress of "holy shit I just died" and constant thoughts of mortality because now I part of the "sudden death" population.
What started all of this rethinking process is I came across a post about Levomethadone. According to my doc is not available in the US so I moved on.
I was on methadone low dose for nearly 15 years. I tapered down to 2.5 twice daily then jumped off. It was rough even though I had hydrocodone and Belbuca (Still do) It took a real six months of which the first two sucked ass really bad before it was all gone from my system. Fast forward month 9 I had a massive heart attack that resulted in an open heart surgery 5x. I insisted that the reason for a heart attack now vs a year ago was the methadone and the withdrawal from it. (My heart condition was bad for 10+ years but I did not know it nor did they) They totally dismissed quitting the methadone caused the timing of it. On recovery I still have my monthly pain doc appt, he totally agreed that the methadone was masking any symptoms I may of had prior to the heart attack. In my case had I not quit methadone I would be dead. Because of the drug my body would have kept going until I died from heart failure which was being masked. The cause of my heart condition was there for a long long time. I had high cholesterol my entire life, even at 14 years old I was 320+ mg/dl. I was never obese or diabetic. I have never been overly obese. 5'9" cruise between 160-170 lbs.
I literally had some docs tell me you won't last another 5 years (mainly our primary family physician at the time) Then I had others tell me "some people just run high" So all through my adulthood I have had 25+ orthopedic surgeries and not one physician was concerned or even treated the high cholesterol problem. I did a number of things to self treat like diet etc. Finally at age 55 I had a complete screen done, I was feeling like crud for seemingly no reason. I am an executive business owner (Travel extensively) with a lot of people who count on me, it was always a concern for me and still is. I am super active and other than my crummy arthritis causing a shit ton of procedures I would be considered healthy and fit for someone my age. Due to new insurance at 55 we got a new primary and the first thing she did was put me on thyroid meds because mine was out of whack causing the cholesterol problem. I felt better in two weeks but too late the damage to my heart was done and nobody knew it or caught.
The conclusion I am trying to get to back to where I functioned at a high level with a low dose 10mg X 2 daily of methadone as my only pain management meds. It worked and stigma was my only problem. But and it's a huge but, I cannot overlook had I not quit I would have definitely died. Once I went off of it and on to hyro and belbuca like always it worked at first. The hydro is not long lasting enough and bup really causes a lot of problems with my mental health. I am fucked when it comes to concentration, energy, sleep and overall drive for life is not possible. I am conflicted about going back to methadone with a high preference on quality medical care. My heart is great I made a full recovery, it was a total luck of circumstances that I survived the actual attack. But now I just can't continue this mental health side effects of the current RX line up. My current one is:
450 Belbuca X 2
Aspirin 81mg x 1
Esomeprazole 40mg 1x
Levothyroxine 50mg 1x
Amlodipine 5mg 1x Blood Pressure
Astrovastatin 20mg 1X Cholesterol
Clopidogrel 75mg 1X
Metoprolol 50mg 2X
Gabapentin 300mg 2X
Meloxian 15mg 1X
Bupropion XL 150 MG
Hydrocododone 10-325 4X
Zolpidem 10mg X1
My therapist just upped my Bupropion to 300mg. It's too soon to tell if it's helping.
My two cents worth is no physician really knows which is better. When I got off the meds that helped me the most I basically signed my death warrant thinking I was doing the right thing.
With the thyroid & cholesterol under control one set of doctors focus on that. With the pain management (I just had a total knee replacement) and schedule for a revision first week of December another set of doctors focus on that, highest level of pain I have ever had.
I don't think there is a chance in hell that one considers the other. They work only with the information in front of them at the time of treatment. I am now too old to start over and feel like I can save myself going back to methadone. Life without pain management is just not possible for me.
The only thing that is certain, the current cocktail is toxic makes me feel like shit and I can't continue taking it. I never ever had any thoughts of hurting myself but damn I am in a hole that I must dig out of.
For clarity I am not ready nor do I think I will ever be ready to be opiate free. I am now at 26+ surgeries and real pain is a real problem but I not debilitating pain - I think.
My problem is after getting off of methadone I have been on Hydro and belbuca for the past 3 1/2 years. With the help of my therapist I now see it is part of my daily mental health decline. No energy, clairity, concentration, sense of urgency. I have been suffering from a serious fog and depression for a solid 3 years. I was attributing the depression and fog to my open heart surgery Jan 2020. My heart surgeon explained that during the operation they actually stop the heart to put it on the machine. Because of that your brain freaks out. The long term psychological problems could occur. I am one of the lucky ones and it did, besides the total stress of "holy shit I just died" and constant thoughts of mortality because now I part of the "sudden death" population.
What started all of this rethinking process is I came across a post about Levomethadone. According to my doc is not available in the US so I moved on.
I was on methadone low dose for nearly 15 years. I tapered down to 2.5 twice daily then jumped off. It was rough even though I had hydrocodone and Belbuca (Still do) It took a real six months of which the first two sucked ass really bad before it was all gone from my system. Fast forward month 9 I had a massive heart attack that resulted in an open heart surgery 5x. I insisted that the reason for a heart attack now vs a year ago was the methadone and the withdrawal from it. (My heart condition was bad for 10+ years but I did not know it nor did they) They totally dismissed quitting the methadone caused the timing of it. On recovery I still have my monthly pain doc appt, he totally agreed that the methadone was masking any symptoms I may of had prior to the heart attack. In my case had I not quit methadone I would be dead. Because of the drug my body would have kept going until I died from heart failure which was being masked. The cause of my heart condition was there for a long long time. I had high cholesterol my entire life, even at 14 years old I was 320+ mg/dl. I was never obese or diabetic. I have never been overly obese. 5'9" cruise between 160-170 lbs.
I literally had some docs tell me you won't last another 5 years (mainly our primary family physician at the time) Then I had others tell me "some people just run high" So all through my adulthood I have had 25+ orthopedic surgeries and not one physician was concerned or even treated the high cholesterol problem. I did a number of things to self treat like diet etc. Finally at age 55 I had a complete screen done, I was feeling like crud for seemingly no reason. I am an executive business owner (Travel extensively) with a lot of people who count on me, it was always a concern for me and still is. I am super active and other than my crummy arthritis causing a shit ton of procedures I would be considered healthy and fit for someone my age. Due to new insurance at 55 we got a new primary and the first thing she did was put me on thyroid meds because mine was out of whack causing the cholesterol problem. I felt better in two weeks but too late the damage to my heart was done and nobody knew it or caught.
The conclusion I am trying to get to back to where I functioned at a high level with a low dose 10mg X 2 daily of methadone as my only pain management meds. It worked and stigma was my only problem. But and it's a huge but, I cannot overlook had I not quit I would have definitely died. Once I went off of it and on to hyro and belbuca like always it worked at first. The hydro is not long lasting enough and bup really causes a lot of problems with my mental health. I am fucked when it comes to concentration, energy, sleep and overall drive for life is not possible. I am conflicted about going back to methadone with a high preference on quality medical care. My heart is great I made a full recovery, it was a total luck of circumstances that I survived the actual attack. But now I just can't continue this mental health side effects of the current RX line up. My current one is:
450 Belbuca X 2
Aspirin 81mg x 1
Esomeprazole 40mg 1x
Levothyroxine 50mg 1x
Amlodipine 5mg 1x Blood Pressure
Astrovastatin 20mg 1X Cholesterol
Clopidogrel 75mg 1X
Metoprolol 50mg 2X
Gabapentin 300mg 2X
Meloxian 15mg 1X
Bupropion XL 150 MG
Hydrocododone 10-325 4X
Zolpidem 10mg X1
My therapist just upped my Bupropion to 300mg. It's too soon to tell if it's helping.
My two cents worth is no physician really knows which is better. When I got off the meds that helped me the most I basically signed my death warrant thinking I was doing the right thing.
With the thyroid & cholesterol under control one set of doctors focus on that. With the pain management (I just had a total knee replacement) and schedule for a revision first week of December another set of doctors focus on that, highest level of pain I have ever had.
I don't think there is a chance in hell that one considers the other. They work only with the information in front of them at the time of treatment. I am now too old to start over and feel like I can save myself going back to methadone. Life without pain management is just not possible for me.
The only thing that is certain, the current cocktail is toxic makes me feel like shit and I can't continue taking it. I never ever had any thoughts of hurting myself but damn I am in a hole that I must dig out of.
