pokepoke420
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 11, 2012
- Messages
- 415
Bluelight! Hope everyone is well coming into this holiday season. This may be a little long, but I could really use any and all advice.
Let me give a brief over-view of my life - I was in an 8 year relationship with a woman I thought I was going to marry from 18-26. Things got sour, and eventually it came to her admitting she had lost her spark and wasn't in love with me anymore, that she needed to go meet other people and experience different relationships (she was 16-24). She said she didn't want to get into anything more serious with a wandering eye. Fine, the rational adult side of me understood, but my romantic heart crumbled.
I have been through terrible, terrible events in my life a lot more severe than heartbreak, but this had me spiraling into a deep depression like I have never experienced before. As a man, I know what I bring to the table, so it devastated me that someone could "get over" that. I had gone on a few dates, mostly with women that I knew, but they all fizzled out. I did meet one girl I liked, but she moved to Oxford for college. I tried the long distance thing, but I need physical love, and that too fizzled out. My friends could see I wasn't myself. We had lived together for 4 years and I ended up back at home. My Mother was so sad for me because she had never seen me so low. I was drinking, partying, and doing dumb shit. I was however maintaining a 4.0 in University, so that was my "excuse." Recently though, my friends said to me "dude, this is getting old. Here." They put "Tinder" of all things on my phone.
I played around with it for a bit, got old, and deleted it. About 2 weeks ago, I went on it just to see what was up. I noticed I had a match from this really cute girl, so I messaged her. We talked for a bit, I gave her my number, we texted a little, and I stopped talking to her. A few days later, I found out my X had a new boyfriend which ripped the scab off, and for some reason that same day, this girl accidentally calls. She apologized over text, and I replied not seriously "it's okay, let's grab drinks sometime!" She said "Ok, Friday at 8?" I obliged, and something inside of me just felt, right. I didn't flake, I just went with my intuition.This was the first girl I was going on a date with who I had never met. I was really nervous, and excited.
I picked her up, she lives only a few miles from me. She just moved here from Colombia doing a foreign exchange program. She graduated from college down there, and wanted to come to America. She is just learning English but we had a great conversation. I found out she too had just got out of an 8 year relationship (she's 24) a few months ago before she moved. I NEVER meet anyone who dated that long this young, so that was refreshing and something we bonded over. We grabbed drinks, and naturally we were both a little shy. We ended up drinking a bunch of tequila, and really hit it off. We just vibed very well together. It was still early, and I didn't want to take her home yet. We ended up going down the street to a bar where my friends were.
We were having so much fun, and all of a sudden, she started making out with me. We made out for I'm not exaggerating, an hour. Finally, I knew she had to be up at 6am, so I took her home. We hung out again Sunday. I took her to the beach for the day, and we watched the sunset with a bottle of wine at a rooftop bar. We had such a great day, and I am pretty sure she is into me at this point. We would catch eye contact a lot, and when she laughs at me she'll grab my arm or touch me and is cute. The language barrier has presented itself as only a minor issue. We went out to dinner later that night with a group of my friends who happened to be where we ended up who are crazy, and I was kind of worried that would scare her off. She seemed to have fun. I brought her home, I kissed her on the lips goodnight, and left.
Here comes the question part. I've known her for 2 weeks now. We've gone out twice. How do I proceed? I've read stuff that said "DON'T TELL HER YOU LIKE HER YET!!!!" Proceed slowly! etc etc. This is just the first person in so long I felt something for in the pit of my stomach, and I want to do it right. I don't want to overwhelm her. Culturally, I know South American girls are a little more "cold." I can tell she is into me, but how long should I wait before I tell her how I feel, and ask her if she feels the same? Or if she could see us together in the future after knowing each other better? How do I proceed? Help me! I have so much respect for all of your opinions which is why I have come here. We don't have plans to hang out again, she said she hasn't received her work schedule. Should I not text her for a day and see if she texts me? I text her in the morning before class, and we chat a little throughout the date, and I text her goodnight. I really need advice, if you couldn't tell. My guy friends would just say "why didn't you bang her out yet dude?" Thanks for your time if you read all of this.
Let me give a brief over-view of my life - I was in an 8 year relationship with a woman I thought I was going to marry from 18-26. Things got sour, and eventually it came to her admitting she had lost her spark and wasn't in love with me anymore, that she needed to go meet other people and experience different relationships (she was 16-24). She said she didn't want to get into anything more serious with a wandering eye. Fine, the rational adult side of me understood, but my romantic heart crumbled.
I have been through terrible, terrible events in my life a lot more severe than heartbreak, but this had me spiraling into a deep depression like I have never experienced before. As a man, I know what I bring to the table, so it devastated me that someone could "get over" that. I had gone on a few dates, mostly with women that I knew, but they all fizzled out. I did meet one girl I liked, but she moved to Oxford for college. I tried the long distance thing, but I need physical love, and that too fizzled out. My friends could see I wasn't myself. We had lived together for 4 years and I ended up back at home. My Mother was so sad for me because she had never seen me so low. I was drinking, partying, and doing dumb shit. I was however maintaining a 4.0 in University, so that was my "excuse." Recently though, my friends said to me "dude, this is getting old. Here." They put "Tinder" of all things on my phone.
I played around with it for a bit, got old, and deleted it. About 2 weeks ago, I went on it just to see what was up. I noticed I had a match from this really cute girl, so I messaged her. We talked for a bit, I gave her my number, we texted a little, and I stopped talking to her. A few days later, I found out my X had a new boyfriend which ripped the scab off, and for some reason that same day, this girl accidentally calls. She apologized over text, and I replied not seriously "it's okay, let's grab drinks sometime!" She said "Ok, Friday at 8?" I obliged, and something inside of me just felt, right. I didn't flake, I just went with my intuition.This was the first girl I was going on a date with who I had never met. I was really nervous, and excited.
I picked her up, she lives only a few miles from me. She just moved here from Colombia doing a foreign exchange program. She graduated from college down there, and wanted to come to America. She is just learning English but we had a great conversation. I found out she too had just got out of an 8 year relationship (she's 24) a few months ago before she moved. I NEVER meet anyone who dated that long this young, so that was refreshing and something we bonded over. We grabbed drinks, and naturally we were both a little shy. We ended up drinking a bunch of tequila, and really hit it off. We just vibed very well together. It was still early, and I didn't want to take her home yet. We ended up going down the street to a bar where my friends were.
We were having so much fun, and all of a sudden, she started making out with me. We made out for I'm not exaggerating, an hour. Finally, I knew she had to be up at 6am, so I took her home. We hung out again Sunday. I took her to the beach for the day, and we watched the sunset with a bottle of wine at a rooftop bar. We had such a great day, and I am pretty sure she is into me at this point. We would catch eye contact a lot, and when she laughs at me she'll grab my arm or touch me and is cute. The language barrier has presented itself as only a minor issue. We went out to dinner later that night with a group of my friends who happened to be where we ended up who are crazy, and I was kind of worried that would scare her off. She seemed to have fun. I brought her home, I kissed her on the lips goodnight, and left.
Here comes the question part. I've known her for 2 weeks now. We've gone out twice. How do I proceed? I've read stuff that said "DON'T TELL HER YOU LIKE HER YET!!!!" Proceed slowly! etc etc. This is just the first person in so long I felt something for in the pit of my stomach, and I want to do it right. I don't want to overwhelm her. Culturally, I know South American girls are a little more "cold." I can tell she is into me, but how long should I wait before I tell her how I feel, and ask her if she feels the same? Or if she could see us together in the future after knowing each other better? How do I proceed? Help me! I have so much respect for all of your opinions which is why I have come here. We don't have plans to hang out again, she said she hasn't received her work schedule. Should I not text her for a day and see if she texts me? I text her in the morning before class, and we chat a little throughout the date, and I text her goodnight. I really need advice, if you couldn't tell. My guy friends would just say "why didn't you bang her out yet dude?" Thanks for your time if you read all of this.
Last edited:
No need to do anything drastic or make anything "official". You guys can talk about relationships or what you are looking for, etc to get a better idea. But take it slow.